How do you help a friend with Bipolar?

[BoysBoysBoysAndMe]

My BF has Bipolar and she is currently very low. She has started sessions with a Psychiatrist and has a (not very good in BF's opinion) care worker. BF is taking Citalopram. Been offered Lithium but she doesn't want to be on it forever. (I know nothing about Lithium)

She doesn't have family to support her, only her fab DH and me really. And I don't know what to do? It's all a bit alien to me.

I can sit and listen and when she asks my opinion I tell her. But I just feel useless.

But is there anything else I can do to support her physically with day to day life and emotionally?

Any advice would be great.

[molejazz]

It's great that you're supporting your friend and want to know more.

Have you seen the guide to bipolar disorder on the Mind website? It has a good section about self-management. Perhaps you could discuss it with your bf, and maybe ask her what help she would like from you?

If I was in your position I would learn all I could about the illness and talk with my friend about it so that if she went through a really bad patch we had a shared understanding of what was happening.

[fastweb]

Lithium, or one of the more modern alternatives, is a mood stabliser.

Talking in generalities, rather than the specifics of an individual, over time the dose would be adjusted, depending on where she is in the swing, but to hope to aviod long term use of a mood stabliser (against the advice of the doc) and avoid swings up and down is probably overly optimistic.

Med resistance is very common, MIL hates hers and will go off them determined that she doesn't need them. Then crashes and burns.

There isn't really a lot you can do if somebody is determined not to follow the med regeme, other than be there to monitor, raise concerns and pick them up when they crash.

I realise the above sounds pessimistic and unhopeful. But this disorder can be very hard the people who care about and for the sufferer, particularly if it is a serious case and they are med resisitant. Please bear in mind that the extent to which you can control her outcome is very limited.

That doesn't mean I think you should gve up on her. It's early days presumably and she might come around to the idea of a mood stabliser in time. I just don't want you feeling responsible or like you have failed if she never gets on board with taking her meds and doesn't go on to have the sort of mood stablity she would want.

I can understand why somebody would resist lithium in particular, the toxic dose can be a whisker away from the required thearaputic dose. The immediate and long term side effects can be deadly serious.

And yet without it life can be so very hard, unstable and isolating.

Not an enviable choice by any stretch of the immagination.

[Peapod1]

Hi Boys! I have bipolar II (not bipolar I - basically don't lose touch with reality just often feel too good or too bad..) and prefer to be treated just like someone without an illness, but sensitively, i.e. with honesty and support.

I do know of someone with bipolar who uses her condition to behave appallingly (aggressive, tries to seduce others boyfriends etc) and in her case this is not because of her condition it is because she is a right cow and continues to be so as a couple of people let her use the excuse. It is important that you keep this kind of perspective for her and yourself. Where she might have need for your flexibility is more than average time listening, she may go underground for a couple of months, she may be irritable that you are not more spontaneous and reckless with her at some points. I had a year when I was v ill in psych hospital and really just appreciated the friends who didn't disappear and were caring and not scared. Let me know if you need advice on anything specific and I'll try and help from a general point of view. Take care x

[Crawling]

Hi I have type 1 it took me nearly 18months after my diagnosis to say ok to meds. It is hard to accept even now that I am ill because at the moment I feel so good and alot of my very manic behaviour gets forgotton and I need to be reminded about it because I dont remember it properly it feels silly to think I have a mental illness when I feel so normal. After being told it took a few months to accept the illness, my partner consentrated on letting me deal in my own time and way (which was great) first trying to get me to see I am ill.

Once I accepted my illness I spent months looking for a alternate treatment again my partner was patient and he didnt push me but helped me look. After I realised there is no alternative I had two choices live with it or meds. So I looked at how much damage my illness had caused to thoose I love and decided to take meds, I then reasearched the various meds and decided which ones I am willing to take (none are particurlarly nice but lithium was one of my choosen acceptable ones) I guess what I am saying is give her time patience and a unjudgemental ear to talk things through with and maybe help her understand what is wrong help her to learn more about her illness but mostly let her lead you as to what she needs and she should get there eventually.

Personally I think you are a great friend to stick by her, I have lost all mine as a result of my illness and I am sure it means alot to her that you are sticking around.

[BoysBoysBoysAndMe]

Thanks molejazz I will look at the website and get more informed.

I actually don't know what type of Bipolar she has! Will ask her.

The reason she doesn't want to go on Lithium is that she wants to try for another baby next year. She has 4 children and her youngest is 14 months. When she had her 3rd child about 8 years ago BF had terrible psychosis and was nearly sectioned. She tried every treatment going and it took months for her to be diagnosed. And after her diagnosis it took a long time to get her treatment correct for her. So as she wants another baby and she was on Citalopram with her youngest, she would prefer to stay on that atm.

Imo, another baby is a whole different issue.

BF is finding it hard to accept her diagnosis, and she's trying to understand if it's something she has always had and what she would be like without it. She finds it hard to accept that it is something she will have for life and is petrified of getting as ill as before (after 3rd child). I feel she is trying to label herself and put herself in a box, rather than accepting that no one is really in a box (imo). I, for example, am a different person to how I was before I had children. People change as they get older.

BF always struggles at Christmas. So I think she also expects too much of herself and is very critical of herself. Imo it's the whole stress of organising everything, everywhere busy, the expense, everything going on at schools etc, all for one day. Then all the cleaning, tidying and sorting afterwards. She has been advised to take sick leave from work as she has been feeling sick and anxious at work and making mistakes, which makes her feel worse. So she is not in work atm.

But she has never been the type of person to sit still. High or Low. She's constantly cleaning, tidying, decorating like there's no tomorrow - she is literally never still. And she doesn't get or give herself chance to switch off.

From what everyone has said it sounds like the best thing I can do is just listen and be there for here whenever she needs me. I certainly wouldn't abandon her, she's been a godsend for me at times. Which is another reason I feel bad for being able to do anything for her. She's been fab for me and all I can do is listen! Just frustrating.

Sorry it's so long, just wanted to give a bit more info in case that makes any difference to any advice from yourselves.

Thanks so far though. esp pea and crawling.