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How do you stop regrets?

(11 Posts)
toptramp Tue 18-Oct-11 07:46:59

I just feel that I made so many mistakes in my youth that have resulted in me leading a life I don't want at all; a single mum. Even my career has fucked up. Trouble is these are not things I can change through hard work. I just feel like my life was ruined 10 years ago when I had to drop out of uni due to domestc abuse. I did get my degree in the end but not in my first choice. I just feel like a shadow of what I could have been and it sucks. I really envy young women with the world at their feet.

Rogers1 Tue 18-Oct-11 07:51:28

Sorry to hear that Toptramp.
Regret is a tough thing to over-come....
Can u not return to uni? I know many adults that have returned on a part-time or evening basis?
May be you should have Plan B? Where do u want your like to go? Strive towards that instead.

Rogers1 Tue 18-Oct-11 07:52:49

Have u ever sought counselling for the domestic abuse? Is it something u would consider now I help u over this feeling of such regret?

Rogers1 Tue 18-Oct-11 07:53:16

life to go

fedupandtired Tue 18-Oct-11 09:25:22

A good quote that I heard many years ago in Eastenders of all places:

"Too many people spend their lives regretting yesterday, fearing tomorrow and not noticing today"

Everyone has regrets but you can't spend your life mulling over them. You can change your future but you need to take positive steps towards it. As Rogers1 said, could you go back to Uni? If that's not an option then look at how to get yourself doing a job that you want to do. Being a single mum might not have been how you'd envisioned your life but you can still be happy being single, you just need to start doing things that make you happy.

Obviously if you think depression is fueling your unhappiness then you need to see your GP but you can change the path you're currently on if you want to.

madmouse Tue 18-Oct-11 11:34:55

At some point you need to make the choice to start living forward and not let the past hold you back. Sounds simple and when you come to that point it is surprisingly simple. You can't undo the past, can't unhurt your hurt - you can let your experiences of the past help you be a stronger person.

If that sounds easy, I was sexually abused from 7-11 and 19-20, lost too many people too early and my ds was born with special needs which may or may not be related to the damage that was done to my body as a child. So I'm not saying it lightly. Life is good now, and the pain I went through is now helping others, at work, friends, on here. Nothing is ever wasted. Not that it gives meaning to what happened, abuse of any type is meaningless and never has a purpose. It can give meaning to the future.

toptramp Tue 18-Oct-11 20:32:23

It is made all the more harder as my sister is leading the life I want to lead. I'd love to be close to her but she is distant and aloof. I am jealous in all honesty. She is a rich medic with a perfect dp and perfect life and I wish I had gone down that route but there is no chance now. Just made so many bad mistakes in my youth and she never did.

toptramp Tue 18-Oct-11 20:33:22

I am always comparing myself to her and I yet I feel a power imbalnce between us; she is the golden child an dI am the black sheep. i am always reminded of my shortcomings and mistakes when I see her.

toptramp Tue 18-Oct-11 20:34:20

I have a career and it's ok but it's not my ultimate career and I have no money for yet another degree.

GRW Tue 18-Oct-11 21:22:12

Maybe others don't see things that way- raising a child on your own, overcoming domestic abuse and having a career are to be admired.
If you're not close to your sister it's possible that her seemingly perfect life isn't as good as it seems.

toptramp Wed 19-Oct-11 07:30:50

Hi all, thank you for the support. I'm feeling better today.

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