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Doors Closing(3 Posts)
Think I can finally say that I have lost one of my best friends and it really hurts.
I have a 6 month old and was diagnosed with PND about 3 months ago, since then I have been on Sertraline, which has helped, my GP doubled my dose yesterday as I had a relapse due to a stressful situation earlier this week. It has been necessary for me to live with my mother and this has never been easy and has become even harder now that I have a son. My partner is a lovely father but I know that I have not made it easy for him because of my moods, but sometimes I feel that he doesn't "get" me anymore, but we are taking things a day at a time.
Up until recently I felt extremely blessed to have 2 really good friends that I have known for over 10 years (we used to work at the same company and that's how we met). However, I noticed that since the birth of my LO or just afterwards one of my friends started to become very distant, not calling me, not texting me back and when she did her words were very cutting and would make me feel angry. It was as if she was constantly digging at me. I really started to think that something was wrong when I went to her house one evening after a meal out with "the girls" and she didn't even offer me a drink. I had to go and get my own (she offered her sister and then my partner a drink when he turned up to pick me up). Anyway she sent me a long email recently saying that I had started to make her feel uncomfortable and she described how (I won't go into that here, but I don't really remember the incidents that she said caused her to feel awkward with me. I was so embarrased when she told me as in no way would I want to make my best friend or anyone feel awkward when around me, neither do I want to loose this friendship. So I apologised profusely and we talked the incidences over and I thought we had reached an understanding and moved on, until today.
She helped me though a really stressful incident between me and my mum on Tuesday. I was so stressed and upset by this incident that I went to my GP this morning almost in tears. She has also been helping me with some frustrations I have been having with my OH. Today though, she asked how everything was, I said fine - Mum was good (the calm before the next storm) and my OH was good. She replied with a cutting remark that sounded like a brush off. She said that I confused her, and that she wasn't going to let me stress her again. From now on she would always take what I said with a pinch of salt! That response completely threw me. I really needed my friend just now, but instead I have pushed her away.
I don't know what to do
You have not pushed your friend away. For some reason, though, she is not able to deal with you at the moment or to help you. There must be something going on in her that you are not aware of. It's a shame, when you need all the support you can get right now, but you will have to let her go. Profuse apologies and humbling yourself etc are not making it easier for her or for you, when she clearly doesn't find it comfortable to be around you at the moment.
I hope things improve for you very soon - getting your own place, away from your mother, would surely help.
Thanks for your message, my friend sent me an email on Friday that explained a lot and so at least I have something to work with now as I can understand why she responded as she did.
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