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Have i ruined my life?

(5 Posts)
redleopardprint Thu 13-Oct-11 22:25:57

Before i start, i cant bring myself to admit this to my family or friends, but since ive had my baby - three weeks ago, im worried and cant shake the feeling that ive ruined my life?

I'm trying to be honest with myself, and im kind of thinking that having a baby was a mistake?

i've got one year left of my degree, and mainly worrying about working/career.

im at a total loss as of what to do now?

Has anyone else felt like this? or a suggestion as of how to get over this?

Rogers1 Thu 13-Oct-11 22:30:27

Firstly...congratulations on your new arrival.
The first few weeks/months are those of adjustment & coming in to your own as a parent to a new little life & building a new life as a family.
This could just be you adjusting to motherhood...perfectly normal.
I do think you should discuss this with your GP or HV....or someone who you do trust.
You have not ruined your life...you have just embarked on a new one.

racetobed Thu 13-Oct-11 22:31:17

of course other people have felt like this <hugs>

you've JUST HAD A BABY

it's the probably the biggest upheaval you'll ever experience in your life

i started a degree three months after i had mine. you will manage; in fact the baby helped me focus and channel my time usefully (something i'd never managed before)

i remember sitting in my flat when my baby was six weeks thinking exactly the same thing. i remember texting a friend saying oh my god the woman who lived here has gone forever, i will never have my life back as it was, and my friend replied, no, you won't, but isn't it great that the person you will love more than any other has come to live with you and share your future.

she was right. 2 years on, i can confidently say it has been great.

the first few weeks are hard. be kind to yourself. babies change all the time. you won't feel like this for long.

susannahcc Thu 13-Oct-11 22:42:08

Don't worry, the first 3 months are a real challenge, but as soon as you can get the baby sleeping through, you will find it much easier to move forward again. I had a baby in the middle of my masters degree (which I did straight after my first degree) and it actually worked out quite well, as I was on maternity leave and had more time and freedom to study. With babies, things start out really difficult but get progressively easier and more natural, both as you get more and more expert at juggling everything well, and the child gets more independent.

Career gaps are easily remedied by part-time study or distance learning, occasional voluntary work or many other ideas.

I certainly felt as you did when I first had my little one. It just takes time, as much patience as you can find, and more than anything just forgive yourself a little more and don't stress so much about the future.

The only real challenge to professional development is childcare, but once you find a system that works (and tax credits will help with finances) it is not so bad. Actually my child inspires me to continue to study hard and develop my career so that I can show her just what a woman can achieve if they work hard, and so she will look up to me and be proud.

susannahcc Thu 13-Oct-11 22:48:43

Also your hormones are all over the place for a while after you've given birth, and the lack of sleep blows everything out of perspective. So try to remember not to get too introspective and stressed, and take the opportunity to sleep where you can find it.

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