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If it wasn't for my little ones, I think I would be dead

(12 Posts)
whobuilttheark Wed 12-Oct-11 18:35:14

Not namechanged, past caring. I have been struggling with depression etc for a while. I'm I'll with a throat infection, no big deal apart from my husband does nothing to help me with my 2 boys and I'm at a loss.

Can normally manage his tantrums, sulking and laziness but tonight I just want him to say 'you go to bed, I'll put Ds2 to bed' instead I get abuse for asking him to make ds2's milk. I just feel so exhausted and low and there's no way out.

mosp Wed 12-Oct-11 19:06:10

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. I have often felt that my dds are the only reason I'm still here.
I don't think I'm the best person to reassure or advise you (being so ill myself mentally), but I know you said you're a Christian so I know you won't mind me praying for you.
And I will listen as much as you need. Is your dh always lazy? How long have you been depressed?
Hugs. x

joruth Wed 12-Oct-11 19:14:21

sad for you.
The last thing you need is someone not supporting you at home. there are some amazing men out there but it seems yours is not (currently) one of them.

Don't know if you're on meds...if not maybe now is the time?? And you need some emotional support and obviously prayer. Is there anyone at your church who might regularly come round and just give you 2-3 hours off during the day..once a week or something..a sort of granny substitute. Do ask for help... people often want to but don't know what you need.

Then when you are feeling stronger perhaps it will be time to work out what's up with the DH...if he's a Christian then he needs to own Ephesians 5...husbands love your wives as your own bodies....and be encouraged to be the head of the family in the Christian sense. If he's not then maybe the relationship can be approached in a more secular way.

will pray for you for strength and healing and for DH for insight and love.

Keep going and don't try to manage more than one minute at a time...

aliceliddell Wed 12-Oct-11 19:15:27

Hi, Who - hope you're feeling a bit better. Take it one day/morning/hour at a time. Can you explain to the dc's how knackered you are and get them to help a bit? Is there anyone in your church you can talk to? Hopefully they could talk to your 'd'h. Have you seen your gp? Depression is hideous and not helped by a selfish husband.
Have a brew and do something just for you.
Keep in touch

whobuilttheark Wed 12-Oct-11 19:24:33

Thanks for your replies, my ds's are 14 months and 2.5, been on meds since ds2 was 6 weeks. I get support from the elders at my church and I don't know what I'd do without my church family. My husband knows the bible very well but I guess free will means it's up to him whether he chooses to follow it. I don't want to be without my boys and I wonder if they would be ok without me, logic tells me not. I just can't stand being so lonely anymore.

mosp Wed 12-Oct-11 19:32:28

Do you manage to ask your dh for help, or is he just not noticing that you are sinking?
Would your dh be embarrased of you called a church support person right now and asked for help? You could just say straight that you have no support at home.
You never know, it might get him to see that he needs to change.
Sorry if this is no help. I have no idea of the back story.

whobuilttheark Wed 12-Oct-11 20:00:24

Have texted 2 Christian friends, I need to keep my head above water. Thank you for prayers. Friend text back full of faith and she'll be over Friday. I, however just want to disappear. I just wish God would put me on someone's heart and tell them that I need help, I guess it's the 'needing to be mothered' thing again. Sick of going round in circles angry

ConstanceNoring Wed 12-Oct-11 20:07:06

So sorry who, it sounds like you have three children at the moment. I have too, two young boys and a husband. It's hard work isn't it? And I understand that lonely feeling too sometimes. But your boys do need you though, and this will pass too. Take comfort in your friends, ask for help, take the help.

Look ahead at your life with your lovely lads, growing up into big strapping young men, with you caring for them, and them caring for you.

sending you my very best xx

whobuilttheark Thu 13-Oct-11 14:19:05

Just wanted to thank you ladies for your support last night, a bit stronger today and have told husband, when I'm I'll, I need you to be/do x,y,z. He has been a lot better today, I keep plodding onwards, sometimes backwards! wink
Church friends have been in contact, crisis over, thank god the chaos is pretty short lived nowadays smile

ConstanceNoring Thu 13-Oct-11 15:29:44

Very glad to hear you are feeling more positive today, did you tell your husband how you felt? He needs to know just how low you feel so you don't have to keep reminding him what he needs to do. He should be able to instinctively take up the slack when necessary without being prompted, and without you having to get to such a low state.

Easier said than done though, I know wink

Keep plodding on, hopefully soon it will feel not so much plodding but springing along.

aliceliddell Thu 13-Oct-11 15:54:05

who glad you're feeling better and dh is becoming a bit more d. Your wish on Weds at 20:00 seems to have been heard. Funny how that happens...

joruth Thu 13-Oct-11 19:34:09

smile keep on going

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