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why do people presume they know how you feel?

(4 Posts)
marshkat Tue 04-Oct-11 19:22:19

im becoming very annoyed at friends who say they know how you feel and what your going through. When actually they haven't got a clue and i know they are trying to make me feel better but all i want is to cry and have a big hug and for no talking. talking is for my therapist!

is this just a sign of me being a moody old trout or is it my brain? of course i appreciate my friends but not always there comforting words.

God i sound horrible and like im just moaning!!

NanaNina Tue 04-Oct-11 19:29:17

You aren't horrible or a moody old trout marshkat - it's called being human
I started a thread recently "what annoys you most about being depressed" or something similar, so you might like to look at that (it's not far down the thread) I too hate people assuming they know how I feel. I don't actually think people mean to be unkind, they think it makes us feel better but it doesn't cus it makes us feel angry.

I like it when my close women friends say something like "look I don't understand how bad you feel but I can see from looking at you that you are going through torment" - the torment being the bouts of depression that I get every few weeks. My DP doesn't understand but he puts his arms around me and I literally cry on his shoulder.

Chocattack Tue 04-Oct-11 21:22:40

Why don't you just tell them they're not helping by saying what they say? If they truly are your friends they'll understand.

divedaisy Tue 04-Oct-11 21:41:18

people feel like they have to say something. they only want to help you feel you're not alone. but at times it would be nice to smack them for their non-helpful insensitivity... sometimes saying nothing but giving a hug is the best thing.. my dh constantly wants to 'fix' the problems i have - when all i want are his arms round me giving me a cuggle...
marshkat - i'd say its the way your brain is working at the minute - very sensitive and emotional...x

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