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I think i might have postnatal depression

(16 Posts)
chilipeppers Tue 04-Oct-11 18:09:45

I have everything i'v ever wanted, i have a wonderful husband and a beautiful baby but i'm feeling so stressed all of the time. Everything gets on top of me i can't cope with anything! My baby has been poorly but is doing much better now, still not a good sleeper with doesn't help cos i'm so bloody tired which i know is part of being a mum of a new baby but because i'm feeling so down it make being tired hard to cope with.
I feel like i'm taking everything out on my poor husband and worried i'm going to push him away.
I feel sad for my poor baby having a mother that can't cope with being a mother.
Does this sound like postnatal depression? Who is the best person to talk to about this? and can anyone suggest anything i can do to help me cope and calm down.

kblu Tue 04-Oct-11 18:14:59

I remember feeling similar to that and i'm not sure if I had postnatal depression or whether it was just the stress of being thrown into having a brand new baby and not knowing wtf to do with it scenario grin

I do remember feeling like it for about three months though and then suddenly I got into a routine with my baby and gave myself a stern talking to and things became a lot easier.

Looking back I probably did have PND and I should maybe have gone to the doctors but I was too frightened to admit that I had it. I remember feeling so desperate sometimes, like I wanted the world to stop spinning so I could get off!

Have you got parents who could help out with the baby and give you some support? Is your husband supportive?

chilipeppers Tue 04-Oct-11 18:19:59

My husband is brilliant and helps so much when he can (work's alot) my parents are not great!! and my in-laws don't live near by.

chilipeppers Tue 04-Oct-11 18:25:26

I keep waiting to feel better and some days i do but other days i want to run away! I just want to enjoy my wonderful,beautiful baby i feel like i'm wasting this time with her that i'll never get back.

LackaDAISYcal Tue 04-Oct-11 18:33:36

Start with your health visitor and take it from there. it may be that just chatting things through with her will help you get some perspective and she will be able to hwlp you with some coping strategies.

There is a questionnaire that can help pinpoint women at risk of pnd called the edinburgh test. You can do it online if you google (can't do links using my phone, sorry) and that would be a good starting point to discuss with your HV.

How old is your baby? And can your husband do a nightshift to let you catch up on sleep. I have severe depression which started after the birth of my 1st child and everything looks very bleak if I don't get enough sleep.

hugs to you though sad it is awful thinking that you can't cope and are a bad mum. and i hope it's of some consolation to you to hear that you are probably coping better than you think xx

chilipeppers Tue 04-Oct-11 20:25:24

Thanks LackaDAISYcal! I'll do that questionnaire and have a chat to my hv in the morning. My little one is 14 weeks old,my husband is great and mostly does the night at weekends which is great.
I do think because she sleeps so badly day and night that is the thing that really gets me down. If we could get that under control that would really help me. She won't even sleep in the car or pram!!

LackaDAISYcal Tue 04-Oct-11 20:51:32

Much empathy, my youngest is a non sleeper and its bloody hard sad. I found though that once he slept better during the day he got better at night.

Also are you getting some time away from DD? even if its just a coffee and reading a book in really helps to energize you. And does she have a dummy? my DS wouldn't tolerate one but wanted to suck on my finger all the time. I sat up all night with him at 4 month holding one in place till he got it. our evenings were better aFter that; even if he was awake, he was settled and awake! of course we're paying for it now as he won't give them up, but if got us through some. hard times.

good luck with your hv tomorrow; its hard, unburdening to a relative stranger but it will help. and if your DH can be there too, the moral support is invaluable.

take care x

chilipeppers Tue 04-Oct-11 21:07:12

Thanks so much for you advice. She's just got into a dummy which does really help!

I'v had a few evenings out with friends which was nice. I might start getting my mum to have her for a few hours once a week for me so i can go to the gym think that would really help.

I'll be in touch to let you know how things are going. Thanks again x

divedaisy Tue 04-Oct-11 21:52:31

chilipeppers - you are doing a wonderful job being a mum to your 14 week old dd!!!
I had really bad PND with my ds who's now 8. I didn't know which end of me was up. I was so tired -I BF him and was up too many times during the night, and the exhaustion was debilitating. I can remember clearly not knowning what I had to put into his baby change bag to go out - I couldn't hold a conversation or follow dialogue (either in a book or on TV). I felt I had to be perfect - have a perfectly clean and tidy home, and a perfect son and be THE perfect mother and wife. You are able to see that things are not right for you and that is a great start. Have a good conversation with you HV tomorrow - be honest about how you are feeling. Even tonight write them down in point form as tomorrow you may not remember them all or have the energy to.
When your baby sleeps - you sleep. Leave the housework - it can wait.
If you are diagnosed with PND it is not the end of the world - it is a common and treatable illness that will get better with time and support.
Talk on here. I haven't been on mumsnet in quite a while, but it is a great place to get support when you need it and theres usually people on here at all times!
Go easy with yourself - you've done a wonderful thing - you've had a baby, you're now a mum.
I'll catch up with youo tomorrow to see how you are.
Have a good night xx

chilipeppers Wed 05-Oct-11 10:05:40

Thank you so much for your message divedaisy. It's nice to know i'm not alone! I have made a doctors appt and have been writing things down,in a funny way it helps getting it down on paper it feels like i'm getting it off my chest!
I just keep telling myself how lucky i am to have this beautiful baby some people never get here and it was a long hard road for us.
I'll keep posting x

LackaDAISYcal Wed 05-Oct-11 10:23:51

Ime, just admitting that things aren't right takes a load off. Good luck with the docs, and i'm sure there is long running PND support thread on here. You are definitely not alone smile

divedaisy Wed 05-Oct-11 16:21:08

How are you today Chilli??? Did you speak to your HV??

chilipeppers Wed 05-Oct-11 22:19:46

Not a bad day today thanks. She's been very happy bless her which helps me feel better!!
My husband is away at the moment though so not looking forward to doing the nights all by myself,really hope i can cope on my own!
My hv is calling me back tomorrow.

divedaisy Fri 07-Oct-11 14:11:24

how are you today chilli?? hope your hv is giving you support and practical advice.
buy plenty of freezer food - something that you just throw into the oven or microwave. I know you may feel you 'have to cook', but now and again they are a sanity saver.
only iron what needs ironed - I flat fold as much as I can and try not to iron too much. I wear wrinkly jeans - they get wrinkled after being on a few mos anyway.
housework can wait - in general it'll be only you who notices the mess and dirt - and believe me most mums homes are just like yours!
go for a walk, meet up with other mums - talking to others in a similar situation helps to know you're not alone in feeling so overwhelmed.
if you are tired do go to bed and don't feel guilty about it! you'll feel better for it.

chilipeppers Sat 08-Oct-11 12:15:05

Hello divedaisy,well i'v had a good few days i think it helps that my DD has just started to settle herself to sleep and has been going down for a nap in the day,iv been able to catch up with a bit of sleep and do a few much needed jobs!
I really hope this is the start of something and not just a phase!

Thanks for your message! I'm trying to be kind to myself and my husband is being really amazing. I'm going to see how i get on with my hv seeing her again next week and i'll take it from there x

divedaisy Mon 10-Oct-11 21:59:34

Hi chilli - glad things are slowly improving! AND you've got an amazing hubby - that's a real bonus - my hubby wants to 'fix' me and that's not his responsibility! Sometimes a hug and a mug of hot chocolate is what's needed, not a 10-point action plan!!!

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