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Help re Aperger's syndrome

(9 Posts)
catdoctor Tue 04-Oct-11 11:38:40

after being with my DH 20yrs, I'm slowly coming to the conclusion I can't deal with his weirdness anymore. I am very suspicious he may have Asperger's syndrome and so there might be help somewhere for him or me - anyone out thre with experience on an adult with this issue - can you shed any light on symptoms?

reallytired Tue 04-Oct-11 13:26:56

If your husband does have aspergers then there is little he can do about it. It is up to you to adapt and accept his "weirdness".

People with aspergers have a triad of impairments, they may have problems with verbal commmunication, social skills and (social) imagination. This can make their thinking very rigid. This might help you.

I find it very sad that you want to end 20 years of marriage because of possible aspergers. I hope you can work through something your with DH.

catdoctor Tue 04-Oct-11 14:00:22

Thanx reallytired - I feel sad too but I'm exhausted by the constant mental effort of making my marriage work. In a way I hope there is AS because then there may be coping strategies for me. Also now there is our babe - DS 14mo so now I'm worried about heredity.

reallytired Tue 04-Oct-11 14:23:51

Being on the autism spectrum is not a death sentence. There are plenty of throughly hideous NT people in the world. Often NT people's behaviour towards aspies is hideous.

14 months is a difficult time during child hood. You have teething to cope with and very little commication.

IceColdToes Tue 04-Oct-11 14:44:23

Bumping for you and following with interest as I am having similar thoughts about my dad. Struggling to cope after 40 odd years and don't want to fall out ... but need a little help. Somehow I feel labelling some of his issues might help me to help him. But will he want to help himself?

Good luck, catdoctor

Oblomov Tue 04-Oct-11 15:08:51

ds1(7) is AS. what does he do exactly thta grates so much. tell us and maybe we can advise.

reallytired Tue 04-Oct-11 15:10:34

Some aspies see their way of thinking as a natural human variant. Aspies don't need curing. It is a way of being, rather like some people are homosexual.

Rather than throwing labels you need to learn to live with the individuals concerned. Both people have to be prepared to work to make a relationship work. Its far to easy to throw all the blame on the aspie.

I think that my father is an aspie, but he is more than a label. He is a very bright and caring man. I certainly have some aspie traits.

MammaBernoulli Wed 05-Oct-11 09:21:07

My boy's high functioning autism/Aspergers. He's troubled and does "weird stuff" too....he's also affectionate, clever, artistic and has a cracking sense of humour.

Maybe, speak to your GP? health Visitor about your worries?

catdoctor Wed 05-Oct-11 11:22:41

Thank -you all so much for your input I feel so much better if there's soething I can do. I don't expect him to do (all) the changing - far from it - it's me whose held the wholw situation together since the year dot The main issue for me is not feeling loved - does he feel love? He seems to love his baby and our pets in a 'conventional' way but nilch for me. I think he probably sees sex as love - but that's probably just being a bloke.

What does he do? - main thing is lack of empathy/sympathy, will talk at people till their eyes glaze over - doesn't seem to do body language there. Dyslexic, very bright and good at job. Persists at a job/problem on and on till sorted - often though despite inappropriate time/place - and gets v cross if isn't sorted; weird inability to learn from experince- will repeat the samebehviour patterns over and over and be surprised/angry when gets the same outcome. Doesn't see the bleeding obvious or likley7 outcomes of an action. selfish in a kind of 'pure' way - he's not nasty, just what he wants/to do/is doing is the only topic of interest. If 'on the case' will literally walk through other people. Has good verbal language skills when choses to talk, no stereotypic behviours, doesn't do the everything in order thing but does become obsessive about a hobby for a period and then cast aside for the next one.

How do I introduce the topic to him? He seems often depressed and angry and I wonder if he has help he may be happier in himself? I'd gladly take advie on altering my behvour - lots I've learnt through trial and error but some times I lose my rag. It's just so exhausting having to take care over every request/action so as avoid unpleasantness or get something done.

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