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just get on with it!

(6 Posts)
samza Sun 25-Sep-11 12:28:55

Hello, guys, im new to this so please bear with me! I'd just like a bit of advice if possible please!
After having suffered post natal depression 3 times after each of my boys, I,m well on my way to a full recovery. Theres just a few things holding me back and could do with some imparial advice.
My husband, due to financial difficulties, has decided the best thing for the family is to work away as a medic on oil rigs. Which leaves myself and the children alone most of the time. I,m not majorly happy about the decision and when he comes home, I end up resenting him and being horrible as my mum and dad don't agree with the decision, yet don't supprt me either due to health problems themselves.
My relationship with my husband has been terribly strained as of late and i have seriously considered leaving him as he isn't very understanding and told me to stop moaning and to just get on with it. Now don't get me wrong, I am managing brilliantly but i could do with a break, really do with a break in fact!
My brother and his wife who live nearby totally resent me as I have recently had to give up my job to look after the children. My sister in law particularly is bitter as she has 3 years until retirement and has brought up 2 children whilst working full time and feels I shouldn't have any problems at all.
I dont know if i am being unreasonable here, but to cut a long story short, my mum left her first husband when my brother was 16 and then she met my dad. My brother has always been jealous of mine and my mums relationship, as has my sister in law as she doesn't speak to her own mother.
And , at any given opportunity, they will constantly refer to me as weak and that im unable to cope, also making references to my weight[ 17 stone at present] as ive been doing some serious comfort eating! I cannot seem to shift the weight and have tried slimming clubs but just end up reaching for the biscuits, cakes etc at the end of any stressfull days.
Im still on my seroxat but my self esteem is at an all time low, I find my husband and family totally opinionated and overbearing, without a thought for my point of view. I feel if i dont act soon, I will be 18 stone before i know it and they will just see me as one big joke! with no backbone. Please be honest if u also think im acting stupid and should just get over it!

KatharineClifton Sun 25-Sep-11 15:38:10

I don't think you're 'acting stupid'. It's your life and how you feel. Not sure what to say next really - you've spelt out your problems here. Now you need to work out what to do with them.

I guess your husband isn't particularly happy with working away? From what you say he is doing it for the family finances isn't he so it's unlikely to be permanent. And it's got nothing to do with your parents where your household income comes from.

Perhaps you need a break from your brother and sil? Build up your confidence by getting out and about such as Surestart or other things in your area and break away from your family a bit. Then you will be better able to resist your comfort eating. It's not a bad thing being big though - as long as you are healthy with it! Do you have time to do anything you like?

RandomMess Sun 25-Sep-11 15:42:55

Hmm if you are still feeling low are you on the correct anti depressants?

I also think you need to distance yourself from your brother and sister in law.

Being on your own with 3 dc whilst recovering from pnd is no easy task. Do you think things will improve with your dh?

Do you think you are missing the sense of identity working outside the home gives?

From people I know having a dh who works away like that brings it's own challenges, you do everything your way and then they come back and interefere!

madmouse Sun 25-Sep-11 16:16:09

I'm sure it was good to get that all out of your system, but I'm not sure from your post what sort of advice you're after. Obviously you are not stupid and don't need to get yourself together, and what other people think about how you live your life is not terribly interesting. Does your SIL actually day that she's bitter/thinks you should have no difficulties, or is that what you think?

samza Sun 25-Sep-11 17:41:41

Thankyou very much all for your input, it seems i have been letting things get on top of me. i hope for a better day tomorrow and will try and get out and about more.

samza Sun 25-Sep-11 17:42:59

but im sure i will return! Thankyou all again, some impartial points of view are alwa!ys helpful

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