HELP PLEASE! Worried about collapsing/dying while alone with 13 month old DS!

[FrustratedFrannie]

Yes, I know I am a nutter. I have suffered from severe anxiety for the last 6 years and I have really suffered. I would not wish this on my worst enemy of which I don't have any of course.

I have obsessional thinking and my current obsession is that during the day while my older DCs are at school and DH at work, I will collapse and die from a heart attack or stroke. I have no medical problems but get all the usual anxiety symptoms like racing heart, chest pressure, dizziness, headaches etc. I should be bloody well used to it by now but since having DC4, I am living in a nightmare. I worry about falling down the stairs with him or him hurting himself or choking on something therefore I do not get much done during the day as I always have to watch him.

The worst thing is this worry about me collapsing and DS being alone and hurting himself, being hungry or having an shitty nappy and having to wait hours before anyone realises what happened. Also there is the worry about me not being there to pick the other DCs up and them trying to walk home alone (a DC at their school was run over this morning just to make things worse ). We live far away from their school (moved last year but kept them there). I also worry when I am feeling like this that I may crash the car on the way there as I am feeling so dizzy it's like I've been drinking (am totally teetotal).

I know I am being totally irrational btw but just the thoughts bring on the physical anxiety symptoms and it's like going around in a circle. I have had CBT but it obviously did not work (I had it before and during my last pregnancy) and I have asked for more. I will not take AD's as they made my anxiety 10 times worse and I am not willing to feel worse for 2-3 months. I have read every bloody self help book going I think and I cannot get past this. I am sure when DS is older this obsession will change for another one. It really is hard to bear!

Any thoughts anyone?

[FrustratedFrannie]

No one? God, I must really be pathetic!

[Erienne]

FrustratedFrannie you are not pathetic. You do need to go see your doctor though. Anti-deppresants shouldn't be given to treat anxiety and if your doctor offers them you need to be firm that you are having a bigger problem with anxiety than depression. Knowing that you are being irrational doesn't stop your obssessive thoughts. Does your DH know how you feel and about your obsessive thoughts? Is he supportive? Perhaps talking to him might help and you maybe able to come up with ideas that suit your situation. For example I sometimes get dizzy and pass out so my husband rings me from work when he has a break and if there is no response he tries again after a few mins and then rings family to come and check on me. Is this possible for you? Would it make you feel better if you knew there was a plan in place?

Anxiety and obsessive thoughts are hard to deal with and you need to talk to someone with background treating them. I hope you can talk to your doctor and get some help. :)

[madmouse]

Erienne sorry but you are very wrong there. Anti depressants are frequently and correctly predcribed for anxiety - the more modern SSRI types are very effective for anxiety! They are often the best treatment in terms of meds as they are not addictive or habit forming.

Thing is that they do make you feel more anxious at first while they settle down and that can be a tough one to get through.

OP your thoughts are normal and common and you are not a nutter. It does seem that you are suffering with it a lot though. You say CBT didn't work. Did it not work at the time? Often you get to the point where you stop applying what you've learned and then you slip.

[NanaNina]

It must be confusing for you FF to get conflicting advice re meds but Madmouse is right. ADs are used to treat depression and anxiety (which often go hand in hand in any event) I know what you mean about obsessive thoughts because I suffer the same thing from time to time, but you really are suffering and need help. You say you won't take ADs as they made you 10 times worse and you aren't willing to get worse for 2/3 months. However you have been suffering anxiety for 6 years which has got worse since the birth of your 4th child, so would it not be worth trying another AD (as I'm sure you know what suits one person, doesn't necessarily suit another) I honestly think you need to see your GP for more support than you are getting at the moment.

[maledetta]

You're certainly not alone FF, because I often think this, more often directly after DS's birth, but sometimes now. Thing is, I'm a single mum, so it could be days before DS was found.

The way I reassure myself is to text my mum every morning- if I don't, she texts me just to check we're OK. I plan to keep this up until DS is old enough to call 999.

Could you do the same with your DH, maybe half an hour before school pick up time or something?

On a deeper level, yes I'm sure this is not healthy thinking for either of us, and we both need to address these horrible thoughts.

[ThatsNotYours]

Completely agree with MM and NN re: AD usage for anxiety. Sorry, Erienne I think you are way off base here.