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I dont know what to do....

(6 Posts)
FagAshLill Thu 08-Sep-11 18:36:16

Just got off the phone to my mum. She's 57 and had a really hard 20 years of late (sounds like an exaggeration I know but I swear it isnt, half of the stuff that has happened you couldnt make up in a million years).

Anyway, I know she's depressed, and so does she. She been to the doctors and they have put her on various pills and such like, even a stint with a phyciatrist at one point.

Now, she just seems worse, she's given up. I'm 300 miles away and can only help on the phone. She is so tired of everything and wont even listen to half of the stuff you are trying to say to her. Halfway through a sentance she will start answering you with something totally different that has nothing to do with the conversation.

The doctors latest visit resulted in him saying to her that if she carried on and doesnt at least start to help herself, he will look into getting her sectioned.

I dont know if this was true or his version of a wake up call to try to get her going again.

To top it all off, she's got herself up to her eyeballs in debt because of pride, refusal to sign on when she was made redundant and in supporting my brother.

I've begged her to go back to the doctors, the phyc and to go to the CAB but I doubt she will. It will go in one ear and out the other. She says "it's not right", asking for help from these people.

I just dont know what else to do. She has no support, her own mother is a root cause of a vast majority of these problems, my dad died 8 years ago, which is all adding to it, and lost her hair through stress a few years ago (it's grown back now). She's having blackouts, falling, has 3 cracked ribs, an infected jaw because of a tooth problem she refused to anything about..

I'm dont know what else to do. I'm seriously thinking about calling social services but I think that will make things worse for her, and worse, see ME as a traitor because I've called them.

My mother was a strong person, bubbly, had great determination, drive and ambition and I havent seen anyt of that for the last 5 years or so.

I'm starting to think there is something more than depression going on with her now but I have no idea what.

As regard the blackout she's says she is trying to get to the cause of it but I'm not so sure.

Any ideas I can use to help push her to get help?

joruth Thu 08-Sep-11 19:29:30

poor, poor poor you and even more poor hersad

Actually I think your lovely mum does need looking after...she obviously has serious mental health issues and maybe emotional and physical health issues...would it be so terrible for her to be sectioned? I know no-one wants to have to force her anywhere but if she really isn't responding and can't concentrate maybe she isn't capable of making that decision at the moment...and if she goes somewhere to be assessed if she perks up the professionals will change her status to voluntary or discharge her.

If you call social services with your concerns...or her GP, they don't need to reveal who has called...in fact if you ask them not to they must not reveal it...you can tell her yourself when she is in a better and more rational state of mind. The GP is already involved and would probably be instrumental in section if necessary anyway.

Your mum deserves to have a break ...perhaps this is the only way it will happen??

ovumahead Sat 10-Sep-11 15:27:05

Hi there, I'm so sorry you're mum is having such a horrible time, and that you're so far away. Can you get in touch with her GP? The cause of the blackouts needs to be established - this could be causing her lots of problems, and is a massive risk to her safety especially if she lives alone. If she is having strokes (which she could be, although it could be a few other things) then this could be causing confusion, etc. Something like that would need to be treated asap.

She sounds like she needs lots of physical as well as emotional support. But my first stop would be a phone call to the GP to get their opinion, or write the GP a letter explaining your concerns. The GP should know a lot about local services etc, and should be able to run some basic medical checks on her, or at least check with the psychiatrist that her health is being investigated properly. And if the psychiatrist is considering sectioning her, this may actually do her a world of good as she sounds like she is quite a risk to herself at the moment. But of course, if the local psychiatric hospital is not very good, it may be quite difficult for her.

I hope you get some resolution soon - must be so stressful for you all.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 10-Sep-11 15:33:33

Could you take some time off work and go and see her? You could take her to the GP, check her finances and see for yourself what state she is in. I am so sorry for both of you. The giving up comment is worrying.

ovumahead Sat 10-Sep-11 15:45:29

Also it sounds like you need to be thinking about getting people involved yourself, rather than encouraging her to sort herself out - she sounds like she might not be capable of doing that for herself right now.

FagAshLill Sat 10-Sep-11 20:47:13

It's difficult for me to see her for several reasons which I wont gointo as it will out me.

I think I will give her GP a ring and give social services a ring just to get the right information first. Until then I will talk to mum as much as I can in the mean time.

She's not on her own, my brother is still living with her but he is as much use a chocolate fireguard, he's so wrapped up in himself he either chooses to ignore the stuff mum is going through or is too scared to, wich I can understand after everything that happened with our dad. As for the rest of the family, they really, really need to be as far away from her as possible as they cause more problems than is completly necessary.

Will make the calls during my lunch break on Monday.

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