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Dealing with feelings of regret, anxiety over the past - help!

(16 Posts)
Drumlin Thu 08-Sep-11 10:15:40

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BumbleBo Thu 08-Sep-11 14:42:44

Hi Drumlin, yes I can definitely identify with how you are feeling!!
I have suffered with depression on and off for the last 20 years, including some anxiety . I notice you have used CBT - that's what I also found very helpful. I wanted to be referred by my GP for CBT after reading about it and thinking it would be really good for me, but there was at least a years waiting list, so I bought a CBT self-help book instead.
That book was 'Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy' by Dr David Burns - he wrote it in the 80s and it was one of the first ever CBT self-help books....a really amazing book, CBT has made the biggest long as I actually do the exercises lol!! (which when you are really down can be difficult). He has written a CBT book for panic attacks and anxiety that might be good for you?...

Maybe try a CBT exercise if you are struggling now? Write down your negative thoughts, identify the distortions in your thoughts and try and think of something more positive that you believe in place of your negative thoughts, for example 'I am such a loser, I've totally messed up my children's lives' could become 'I am not a loser, yes I've made some poor decisions, but I've also made some good decisions, I have learnt from mistakes, I'm not perfect but I am doing my best for myself and my children now'...just from arguing against your very, very negative, probably distorted thoughts, you should get some relief and feel less anxious.

Sorry, I'm not an expert, but I find these exercises really helpful. Try and be more compassionate towards yourself, like you would to a friend who had the exact same problem. Hope this helps!

frazer41 Thu 08-Sep-11 14:45:59

I can. I am wanting baby no 2 and I feel part of the reason is because I feel I had pnd and anxiety with baby no1 and did it all wrong. I feel I never really got a chance to be as good as other mums and made it look diff. I want anotehr baby to add to my family as I always wanted 2 but part of me want to show I can do it and can cope and prove to myself I am capable.

I try to tell myself i was not the best mummy in the first few years as struggle but now I talk myself round by saying over the years there were very good times and he never knew I was ill. Now I give him every minute of my time and help him with homework etc. He is not left for hours sitting watching tv etc so I know I am giving him all my attention and love.

On bad days I try and focus on the good days i have and will continue you to give him. On the bad days I do what I can even if that means a sweety mixture and cuddling in bed watching a dvd, even if its 9am. I do what I can when i can and try to tell myself loads of kids get no attention from parents who seem to have it all, both professionals with well paid jobs etc and everthing they need but they kids become accessories, not always but there are parents like that in every walk of life rich or poor.

I tell ds I love him more than the whole wide world. I think in general he probably has a better life than some families whos mummy is not ill. I admit there are times I dont seem so positive, when I have anxiety I am like another person.

I am sure you are a fab mum but beating yourself up right now, especially if you are feeling low or having a bad time of it. Even just a cuddle on th bed with some sweeties is spending time with your kids.

Hope you feel better sooon

Drumlin Thu 08-Sep-11 21:09:32

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Drumlin Fri 09-Sep-11 09:12:52

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Anxietyone Fri 09-Sep-11 10:24:20

Hi Drumlin...Im A fellow anxiety sufferer, awful isnt it!!! Hope you dont mind me butting in.... On my bad days I try to tell myself im alright,breathing excersises are good for me.
I take propranalol and citralopram( sp?)
Im a good person who also made some bad descisions. I find if i tell myself im alright and force myself out of the house, i can overcome my negative feelings, a bit like you would speak to a frightened child iyswim.
Really hope this helps you... you just gotta give yourself a break. : ) xx

Drumlin Fri 09-Sep-11 10:53:18

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Anxietyone Fri 09-Sep-11 11:09:52

Arrrgh!! feckin waiting lists!!!

I've just gone back on the AD 2 weeks ago so am now over the worst and feeling better now. I can sleep( I wake in the early hours needing the loo, IBS) and have an appetite!!
I know the ADs are hard work as they make me feel soooo much worse to begin with but after 2 weeks im starting to feel my old self coming through the panic.
Its worse cos DCs have gone back to school, my eldest has started high school and I hate a change in routine it always makes my anxiety worse but I have got through the week and so have my DCs. Im feeling really proud of my eldest DS as he has taken it all in his stride and done really well.....He was very nervous....
Anyway im waffling ( sorry lol) Hope your panics improve I think the mornings are the worst time so maybe later on you'll start to calm a bit...

Drumlin Fri 09-Sep-11 11:47:43

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Anxietyone Fri 09-Sep-11 12:07:21

Your very welcome...I don't really tell anyone in RL either just one friend who is a mental health nurse so kind of knows how i feel. Everyone else just wouldn't get it even my DH is unsympathetic. I do talk to my GP though who is very good.
Im off work today so am trying to sort out this dump, that is my house. As I said Im feeling ok at the moment but thats thanks to the AD which must be kicking in as im doing house work and not pacing around feeling like im about to explode cos of all the adreneline in my body. It was so bad I was getting pins and needles type feeling up my spine and around my ribs, I thought I was dieing but my GP said it was my nerves due to too much adrenelin.....
I totally hate feeling so anxious its horrid so really know how you feel. x

Anxietyone Fri 09-Sep-11 12:15:02

OH and do try to eat something/ anything it'll make you feel better and give your tummy something to do instead of feeling sick / nervous xx

Drumlin Fri 09-Sep-11 12:19:17

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Anxietyone Fri 09-Sep-11 19:46:58

Hey all,

Drum...hope the rest of your day went well....hope you manage to rest/ sleep tonight.

Drumlin Fri 09-Sep-11 21:14:02

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thegingerwhinger Mon 12-Sep-11 23:33:23

Hi, I've come a bit late to this thread but it was a relief to me to come across it. I know exactly how you're feeling as just very recently I was feeling exactly the same. I was so bogged down with anxiety and regret that I was going to bed wishing that I'd never wake up which. Looking back now, I can't believe I felt that way.

I came through it and am now feeling 'fine', but I've realised that my very low moods seem to be cyclical and I know that I'll spiral back down soon, so I've started keeping a diary, which I'm not finding very easy at the moment; I don't find it easy to write about myself or my feelings. I've also spoken to two very good friends about it, and they are going to make their own observations about how I seem so that when I finally go to the Dr (which I will, because I can't continue to have these feelings) I'll have something 'solid' to show him.

Sorry I can't be any help to you, but I really do know how you feel, right down the the regret about decisions in the past, and almost wishing myself back there to make different decisions. I couldn't eat when I was at my lowest point either, and the things that usually cheer me up when I'm low (watching things I enjoy, eating) weren't working. That's when I knew that something was really wrong.

I wish you all the best, and I'll keep an eye on this thread.

Drumlin Tue 13-Sep-11 13:19:00

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