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Have to make a phonecall and I cant

(31 Posts)
Rhksmum Mon 05-Sep-11 16:23:39

Title says it all.

Struggling to make phonecalls, whether its to friends, utilities, CMHT, anyone really. I can recieve them but will only answer a number I know.

Psychologist has given me a list of dates and times to phone her and the first one is today at 4.45.
I couldn't sleep last night for worrying, today I have gone from crying to speaking so fast my son was worried.
I feel sick, feels like my heart is going to come out through my mouth, I want to smash all the phones up in the house so I dont have worry about failing and letting her down by not phoning her sad

Rhksmum Mon 05-Sep-11 17:18:36

I let her down, couldn't do it.
By the time I stopped being sick it was past the time.
I hate this, hate that I cant just pick up the phone, cant walk out the house without checking everything, going round corners is even worse.
I just want to be normal sad but I guess even thats hoping too much

Upwardandonward Mon 05-Sep-11 18:22:20

Have you been able to share what you're feeling/experiencing?

jade80 Mon 05-Sep-11 18:25:22

It sounds daft, but can you call the speaking clock or something as a kind of half way step? Do it a few times before you're next supposed to call her?

jade80 Mon 05-Sep-11 18:26:44

Oh and put her number on speed dial so you can dial by pressing a couple of buttons rather than having to enter the number?

madmouse Mon 05-Sep-11 18:30:39

You CAN do it hun, but start by accepting that it is difficult for you, a genuine fear, and stop calling yourself stupid, pathetic and whatever else you are in the habit of calling yourself.

Namechangernormous Tue 06-Sep-11 10:27:55

I really struggle with making calls too (though not as badly as you) and like you I can receive calls no problem as long as I know who is calling.

For me, I just have to write down everything I need to say and then I have to read through it a few times and psych myself up for a few hours before I can do it. I absolutely hate it though.

I told someone last week about this problem (first time I'd admitted it to anyone other than DH) and she looked at me like I was mad sad

I don't have any suggestions apart from seeing if you can deal with it the way I do...

Rhksmum Tue 06-Sep-11 14:47:54

I dont know what it is about the phone calls that I cant do.
Last week when I needed to speak to my Cpn I had to go to the centre and leave a message for her to phone me, then come home and wait for her call. It's never been this bad before, if I've been in a state I could at least phone my Cpn or Psychologist but I cant even do that now.

I handed in a letter this morning to my psychologist apologising for yesterday, she phoned and left a message saying it was ok, I wasn't to worry, that she understood how hard it was for me, but it made me feel worse, she was soo understanding and I feel like I have let her down so badly.

I'm supposed to phone Young Carers today to say my daughter will be going, but I cant, I need to hope they phone me or my son comes in in time to phone them for me or she cant go.
I need to phone the drs to get an appointment with the nurse to get my Lithium level checked and I cant do that either.

I dont know how to fix this, it's just something else to add to the pile of things I'm useless at sad

ArseyContarsie Tue 06-Sep-11 14:52:21

hello Rhksmum

sorry if i'm jumping in half way through your 'story' if i've missed out a huge chunk then please accept my apologies, but these calls you 'have to make'...are there any you could make that aren't so, well, important?

all of them seem to have consequences if you don't make them, how are you about making it with consequences if you do?

midnightservant Tue 06-Sep-11 21:25:16

The first thing to do is get your lithium level checked, no? It could be the fact that it's not right that is making everything worse. You are clearly a resourceful person, could you do the same workaround you did for the CPN i.e. make the appointment in person, or go to the centre and get them to make the appointment for you?

You didn't let the psychologist down. In fact, you gathered a lot of useful information about the pattern of this problem.

Rhksmum Thu 08-Sep-11 20:54:03

Managed to phone psychologist today but she wasn't in confused, she did phone me back and congratulate me on managing to make the phone call and was sorry for not being there when I phoned.

We did speak for ages about what I see when I try and use the phone, about why I feel so crap and undeserving of help.

Today I didn't even get up, kids had to deal with everything themselves, I have no energy, nothing in me to give them.
I look at them and I resent them soo much for me having to stay here, if their dad was nicer it would be soo much easier for me to leave this world sad

I dont know what to do anymore, it's too hard to be here

Jemma1111 Thu 08-Sep-11 21:04:44

Please go and see your gp or psychologist again and let them know how desperate your feeling.

Your children will ALWAYS need you in their lives no matter whether their dad's nice or not, you are their mum!

Please get others to help you

Marne Thu 08-Sep-11 21:27:39

I hate phoning people too, i write down exactly what i want to say and possible answers to questions the person may ask, i get very worked up and often chicken out.

I had a letter through from the hospital for an apointment last week and it said 'call within 3 days to conform the apointment', i kept puting it off, today i was going to phone but then luckily they phoned me (i felt so relieved). I often get dh to make phone calls for me, if they want personal details he then hands the phone to me.

I have had CBT and exposure therapy for another phobia and am now on medication to control my anxiety (it helps a little).

Well done for making that phone call, its a huge step and you should be so pleased with yourself.

Go back to your GP, ask for more help (medication if you need it). Please don't feel guilty, so many people have phobias and anxiety, you are not letting anyone down and there is nothing wrong with getting people to help you make phone calls, maybe someone can do the phoning and then pass the phone over to you? These things take time to fix and it sounds like you have made the first step (which is a huge step).

Rhksmum Sun 11-Sep-11 18:43:37

Still really struggling with all this. Have managed to speak to my Pyschologist again but I think I'm just hiding behind this. I managed to tell her what I see when I look at the phone, what I feel and she did managed to piece together why I have the fear but it doesn't take it away.
Still haven't managed to phone the doctors for my lithium but hopefully my daughter will phone in the morning for me before we go to her appointment.

My mood has completely fallen, sleep is barely non existant, I've only been up 1/2 an hour or so today and thats only because my daughter was baking and needed me to put the cakes in the oven.

I dont know how to shake these feelings of dread, to get rid of the beasties I keep seeing.
I'm going through the motions for the kids but once they leave for school I can hide, can go back to my bed, when they come in I get up and sit on the couch, they go to be I go back to bed.
I'm sorry, it's all just a mess and i dont see a away out of it sad

madmouse Sun 11-Sep-11 20:34:58

Hun you made the call - that is a first step. It doesn't necessarily solve everything and the next call will still be hard - but it's an important first step and the next one will now be possible too.

Keep doing what you can, keep trying to talk to her and to me.

Rhksmum Sun 11-Sep-11 21:37:04

but its so stupid, its a phone I should be able to use it without thinking.
I feel so stupid and pathetic.
I dont know what I'm doing anymore, everything is dark and unfamiliar and I'm scared

madmouse Sun 11-Sep-11 21:45:53

stop calling yourself stupid - you've done something that scares the shit out of you - that's something lots of people don't do.

You made that call - millions won't catch a spider. Just saying...

Rhksmum Mon 12-Sep-11 17:39:06

messed it up again, she said to phone at 5 and I didn't manage to finally press the last button until 5.15 and there was no answer sad, tried a few more times but guess she gave up and went home, never mind

madmouse Mon 12-Sep-11 18:42:09

You still tried!!! Don't be so hard on yourself!

midnightservant Tue 13-Sep-11 18:42:41

You succeeded at least partly. well done, I really mean that, it's hard to write a post without the possibility of sounding patronising.

AuntieMonica Tue 13-Sep-11 18:51:29

but you made the call! not your fault there was no-one there [winkl]

Rhksmum Wed 14-Sep-11 20:33:31

I dont think this is about making phonecalls, I should have known that when things get like this its because my mood is slipping and today it didn't slip, it fell from a great height.
I'm so aggitated, angry at the kids, angry at the house, lost it with my son in Asda just wanted to run away, horrible nightmares this afternoon but just re-inforcing what I know is true.

My daughter has just had me screaming at her for flooding the bathroom and daring to hand me the wrong towel to dry it up.
I'm sat here and the tears wont stop, I have all my meds in front of me and I just want to take the whole lot, my kids deserve much better than I can ever give them and I have nothing left I'm done

midnightservant Thu 15-Sep-11 01:21:41

You are on lithium, do you have bi-polar? Please please get yourself checked out. Sending warmest thoughts.

fridakahlo Thu 15-Sep-11 01:31:48

I have had the phone thing. I'm not bothered by it now but for the first two years after my dd was born I dreaded having to make phonecalls. It's not something I will ever do in a personal way without having to work up to it but I find phoning unknown/impersonal people not a diffulculty nowadays. Unless you count the putting it off/forgetting it that I often do.
As for the rest, dear god I have been there. You need to remember you are the only mum your kids have and therefore completly and utterly irreplaceable in this world. Can you contact anyone on your community team at all? Really think you need to talk to someone.

madmouse Thu 15-Sep-11 09:20:02

rhks sorry did not see this last night. Why did you not come to talk to me feeling like that sad

Are you still there? xx

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