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Just need to share this - had some bad news (perhaps best not to read if you're in a vulnerable place right now)

(13 Posts)
dontrunwithscissors Tue 30-Aug-11 15:48:12

I've just found out that my CPN, who had been there and helped me through some really tough times over the last 18 months, has died. She was a lovely person who really seemed to understand me and was brilliant at her job. I just feel so very sorry for her family, especially her daughter. I've been told that I, along with her other clients, are welcome to attend the funeral. I don't know; on the one hand I would very much like to pay my respects, but I can't help but feel that I will be intruding on a time that's for her family, friends and colleagues. I don't know what others think of this? This news has come on the back of two friends dying of cancer over the last 2 weeks - both had young children - and I can't help but feel really sad that life can be so very unfair.

Upwardandonward Tue 30-Aug-11 16:39:04

I'm really sorry to hear that, dontrunwithscissors

Several years ago, a support worker who worked with disabled students (and had worked with me for 3 years) passed on in a similar manner. She'd expressed that she wanted he funeral to be open - no students went to the wake though, just the funeral

dontwantanickname Tue 30-Aug-11 16:41:26

That is very sad news. I think if the family has said clients are welcome to the funeral then they probably mean it and that if you want to go and pay your respects you should go.

Its very sad about your friends as well. I don't know what to say that will help just i agree that life is unfair

NanaNina Tue 30-Aug-11 16:57:21

I too think you should go to the funeral OP - you can make yourself unobtrusive and if it's in a crem and lots of people you can always just stand outside. If in a church you could be unobtrusive and not go to the burial as this tends to be for close family and friends.

Can't help but wonder how you are coping with 3 deaths in 2 weeks - you need to take careof yourself and maybe some berevement counselling - that's an awful lot of deaths in a short time.

madmouse Tue 30-Aug-11 17:05:11

It will be a comfort for her family to see that she means so much to the clients she helped that they find the energy and time to come to her funeral.

dontrunwithscissors Tue 30-Aug-11 20:22:10

Thanks for the responses. I'm still feeling so shocked and sorry for her. The last time I saw her I was in a terrible state. I told her about something traumatic that had happened to me 15 years ago. Memories of that event were eating me alive. I'd never told anyone else about it, and I think she was the only person in the world that I trusted enough, but was 'distant' enough, to tell. It was such a relief to finally get that out, and she responded in exactly the way I needed. I'm going to try to get to the service; I hadn't thought of it in those terms, madmouse. I'm sure I'll be able to just hide at the back.

OverthehillsandfarawayNL Tue 30-Aug-11 20:25:52

When somebody dies the people closest to them are invariably comforted by knowing their loved one MATTERED to other people too. You were part of her life. You shared time with her and she will have carried your case with her when she was with her family because that's what good nurses do. They switch off and they put stuff in 'boxes' but they never remove it altogether.

Life is very, very hard sometimes. I had a beast of a year last year and it's only now when I'm coing out of it a bit that I can see how bad it was. JUst keep going, you'll get to a better place with yourself soon.

Chocattack Tue 30-Aug-11 20:44:42

That is very sad losing 3 people close to you so recently. Your cpn sounds like an amazing person and if you are able to attend the funeral I would definitely go. The family wouldn't have said you are welcome if they didn't mean it.

dontrunwithscissors Tue 30-Aug-11 20:48:09

Thanks, overthehills, your post really hit home (and set off full-on blubbing). There were times when she pretty much kept me alive, and I feel so terrible that nothing could be done for her. I think I'm going to have an early night.

ChippingIn Tue 30-Aug-11 20:56:24

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

I agree that it's nice for the family to see that their loved one was loved/admired/respected/cared about by other people - people who didn't 'have' to feel that way - but chose to.

I am so so sorry for you to, this must be a terrible blow for you as well
x

OverthehillsandfarawayNL Tue 30-Aug-11 21:00:34

Yes warm drink and early night sounds good. I'm sorry I made you cry - butI guess sometimes full on blubbing is a helpful thing. It's not wrong to care.

dontrunwithscissors Tue 30-Aug-11 21:07:57

No, no worries overthehills, you just hit the nail on the head, as it were. I feel a bit stupid reacting this way as I fear it makes me seem self-centered. That's not the case at all, of course. I just really respected and liked her, and feel so thankful that I was able to benefit from her care. Anyway, I'm headed for bed.

dontrunwithscissors Thu 01-Sep-11 17:07:03

I just wanted to add that I went to the funeral today. It was standing room only, and I think there were quite a few of her clients there so I didn't feel out of place. It was desparately sad, but I'm glad I went. Many thanks for your replies.

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