Is it PND or do I just have to man up and get on with it?

[perrinelli]

Hi everyone, really not sure what to do for the best. DD2 is 8wks old, DD1 is 3.5. Am finding things really hard and I cry a lot. DD1's behavior is challenging and she is demanding particularly at bedtime and sometimes in the night. DD2 I guess is an ok baby, pretty good at night but terrible evenings which are v draining. Trying to get her on a routine for my sanity but then I feel worse if she doesn't 'do it right' and feel that I'm doing something wrong. Also feel it's our fault dd2 is so difficult to put to bed and that all in all I'm not cut out for this mum thing. Try to keep it together in front of dd1 but don't always manage and feel awful if she sees me cry like I'm causjng her emotional trauma. I don't feel terrible all the time but it seems to be getting worse not better. Not sure if it could be PND or just circumstantial and tough having 2 girls. I do generally always get weepy and irritable when tired which obviously I am. DD1 is at nursery 3 dys/wk and my mum comes one day a wk so I do have help, but I don't really feel I can tell my mum or dh how I'm feeling. Do you think I should go to GP or just ride it out?

[scotchmist]

Try this PND test and see how much you score, its been recommended on quite a few threads,

www.testandcalc.com/etc/tests/edin.asp

hopefully someone who has been in the same situation will be along to give you some advice but if you think you may have PND i wouldnt just try to ride it out,i would go to the GP, have you spoken to your HV about how you feel,

[perrinelli]

Thanks for responding and for the test link, it came out as 19. No haven't spoken to health visitor as don't see them really (DIY baby weighing at the clinic). Dr asked me how I was feeling at 6wk check but had elder daughter there and was feeling fine that day. Do get quite bad PMT and keep thinking am just feeling emotional because period may be about to start (stopped trying to BF at about 3wks). Would be good to hear the experiences of others - am worried if I talk to a health professional it will be 'out there' and on my record and will make it into a 'thing' which could make me feel worse. Am ok when with other people so trying to get out and about as much as possible.

[madmouse]

It's usually me recommending the Edinburgh scale

Anything over 10 needs checking out and 19 is high enough for me to say go see your GP sooner rather than later x

Oh and my sunshine child (3.5 year old) can tell you that seeing your mum cry does not traumatise you - I had PTSD from when he was a year old and recovery has been slow yet he is the most stable, happy, and contented little man I know

[madmouse]

Oh and don't fall for this 'If I go to the doctors it's on my records' thing - you need help and you need to get better. These records are confidential and no one will judge you or think you're a bad parent.

[perrinelli]

Thankyou. Can anyone say what I could potentially expect from anti depressants? Sounds like a silly question but will they make me feel better and less emotional? It's hard to know what's just normal reaction to circumstances.

[scotchmist]

If you are prescribed ADs you will probably be started on a small dose to be built up if you need it, if you are BF then the the GP will be more limited in what they can prescribe but there are ADs suitable for mums who BF.
It will take a few weeks for the ADs to kick in but you will gradually start to feel better and more like your normal self, you will be on them for at least 6 months ( longer if need be ) and not all ADs are suitable for everyone so you might have to try a couple before you find one to suit you, dont be worrying that you will feel like a zombie and not able to function because that isnt the case, especially with the newer style of ADs.

[natsyloo]

Hi perrinelli - it sounds like you have a lot on your plate - it's v draining dealing with little ones and I know how frustrating it can be having a 'feisty' child. That said, I had severe PND and it's not something I could have overcome without professional help and a supportive network.

I would suggest being as honest and open about the way you're feeling to your GP/HV. ADs are a valuable part of treatment but I found the therapy more of a longterm means of managing my mood (not always easy though so takes practice!).

Also, it's useful for you to know that it's typical to have good and bad days - having PND doesn't necessarily mean you're constantly in the depths of despair as symptoms are varied and can fluctuate - no two experiences are the same.

Talk to a professional and it will put your mind at ease. Good luck :-)

[somewherebecomingrain]

Don't worry about it going on your records - a bit of PND won't actually have any impact on practicalities - you won't need to declare it to anyone, the GP won't need to declare it to anyone, it will be completely confidential.

I struggled along with a sort of wierd PND after my son was born - totally healthy feelings towards him but such low self-esteem it was like I was frozen and I had to wrap myself up in cotton wool because everything from my old life hurt (but you can do that with a baby). When I had to go back to work I had to do something so I took ADs - fluoxetine, an SSRI.

I had more energy and things didn't hurt. I could stay calm around others' high emotions. I could think very clearly.

I used to have a philosophy of manning up and pulling myself together but sometimes that is the wrong thing to do, it's actually the weak thing to do. The strong thing to do is to accept there's a problem and accept the help that is out there.

good luck!

[idlevice]

Sorry for a mini hijack of OP's thread, but it's to do with that Edinburgh PND test - does anyone know why it only refers to comparing things in the last week as an indicator of how you feel? I don't get this, cos if you have been feeling crap for weeks on end then how does the test give a valid indication of whether you've been feeling depressed for a long time? I'd be grateful if anyone could explain it to me if they know.

[madmouse]

idlevice - the test is just an aid for a medical professional to quickly assess whether there is a problem. No one should be diagnosed as depressed or prescribed meds on the basis of this alone. If the score raises concern the next question is how long have you been feeling this way. Health visitors are the main users along with GPs. I often recommend it on here as I so often hear of posters who think they should just pull themselves together and/or who play everything down when they do go to the doctor. Doing the test honestly with no one looking over your shoulder can be a bit of a reality check.

It asks for the last week as that is most clearly in your memory and you will be able to give more specific answers. If you look back over the past week you may feel you had 5 bad days and 2 better ones, you had a good laugh wednesday night with your friend but you cried all day on Thursday. If you would be asked to look further back, especially when you are actually depressed, you would just see a homogenous grey blur of misery.

[perrinelli]

Thankyou somewherebecomingrain for sharing your experience, I'm a bit fearful of the unknown of ADs so your insight is helpful and I probably do worry too much about stuff being 'on record'. I'm in a profession (social work) where i have to be registered and declare any health conditions that could impact on work & give permission for GP to disclose stuff but I know it's nothing to be ashamed of and im sure ill be sorted if/when i return to work. Monday was a very bad day since then I have felt a bit better but still very much on the precipice of not coping. My feelings do generally seem to mirror how 'well' or 'not well' I feel the girls are doing eg. in terms of the older one going to bed well or the baby following the routine I'm trying to get her to do, but my low feelings/feeling a failure are probably disproportionate when things don't go to plan. I thought I might give it a week to see if feeling as bad as I did on Monday was a one off or if things are getting worse. After dd1 I did have similar issues until she got onto a routine but it was a lot easier & less exhausting/draining with just one and I threw myself into going to groups, meeting up with people a lot, exercising and losing weight which was all good for my mental health. Tomorrow I am going to a mum and baby exercise group which should be good. I wonder if I spoke to GP and we felt it didn't warrant ADs at this point if there might be any support groups they could tell me about as I think meeting others with similar feelings could really help.

[madmouse]

perrinelli hard to imagine now but maybe one day your experience will help you in your work, being just that bit more understanding. It certainly works that way for me.

in terms of support groups - there is a rather fabulous one near Birmingham if you are that way.