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Plan needed(2 Posts)
Me again, sorry I've not been on much apart from to talk about myself.
Anyhow, quick catch up - I have bipolar, pretty rapid cycling, was in hospital a few weeks ago. On Lamotrigine 200mg/day.
I've asked to see the psychiratrist again. I'm just...not well. It's not like me, but I can't put my finger on it. I just feel wobbly somehow. I keep getting sudden attacks of depression, out of nowhere, that completely overwhelm me, then they go away again after an hour or so. I keep feeling jumpy, I see things out of the corners of my eyes and feel "presences" (although luckily I can usually talk myself out of really thinking they are there) and I keep convincing myself stuff is going on when it isn't. I can't tell anyone in RL that because, well, what if it is? Nothing that would actually change my plans, but is dosconcerting. Then I snap out of it and it seems like the whole thing was a stupid idea.
Anyhow, does anyone have any bright ideas? I told the CPN that I think I might need to go on anti psychotics after all (I have been refusing them up to now) and she just said "but are drugs the answer?" I would love to know what she thinks the answer is, but she couldn't say.
I basically want to just take a pill once a day and have a normal life, but I feel like I am asking for the world. I'm pretty sure they think I am faking anyway - because for some reason I go relatively normal when I see the professionals - a combination of my own house, something to focus on, medical terminology to use, and something new happening seems to keep me ok briefly, but an appointment always means I'm at very high risk of going doolally for the rest of the day.
I have decided to just go along with the doctors, as I just need to provide a stable home for the kids. I can't afford trial and error with the risk of going back to hospital - I was shocked last time when I discovered they expected me to be there for weeks and weeks - that just can't happen, for the kids sake. After a lot of soul searchjing, I've decided it is better for them to have a sedated overweight mum with no creativity than it is to have a mum who might suddenly need to go to hospital again. My oldest is only 4, and she has been really affected by it all.
So, go on, I will try anything - give me ideas. I need to get better or at least become stable.
I know nothing much about your problem.
Ive read your posts and can see what a fab strong woman you are and your love for your dc shines through brightly.
You are handling this so brilliantly and in time you will learn to live with it - its not a defining full stop its a new paragraph and you will get sorted with the right level of medication and support these will be your dark days.
You have the advantage of being able to reason with yourself and being open to advice.
Your going to get there and learn to be yourself foibles and all.
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