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Never written this down before!!!

(7 Posts)
tryingtobeanormalmum Fri 12-Aug-11 15:43:57

I was diagnosed with PND after my first baby approx 6 yrs ago, steadily gets worse and now pregnant with no 3 (and final!!). On Citalipram for last 4 yrs approx and just down to every other day which is good I think! but most days feel like kids would be better with another mum, find it very difficult to go outside even to shops as OCD is there every minute of every day (germs germs and more germs)....went out today and it nearly flipped me to the edge again, which means kids get screamed at (totally not there fault - there just kids who behave pretty darn well tbh). Husband and children adapt to MY ways and do whatever needed for a quiet life but would love to be normal mum who can let people in and out of the house or go out for a walk without having to deal with repercussions and feel a total failure to my children and husband and firmly believe they would be much better without me, would love to have the guts to just walk away and let them live there lives and enjoy it. I am out of fight and am not wanting to ruin another babies life cos I can't deal with life and day to day issues. Might be nice to know I'm not only one and just thought I would give this a try - never ever written stuff down before.....thanks for your time. blush

ChrisPBacon Fri 12-Aug-11 16:00:00

Well it's out there now, you've had the guts to write it down
What are you going to do about it next?
Go backnto theprofessionals and discuss?
Dig through MN for people in a similarbposition, see what they have done?
Discuss with family & friends to canvas their opinions?
Find out that family love you even if you are struggling, don't want you to go under, and would be devastated to be without you?
If you go tomthe topmof the page, there is a link in blue on my version which is the mumsnet mental health guide, you could do worse than dig around there to decide on your next steps out of this hole.
Look after yourself and take your next step soon

ChrisPBacon Fri 12-Aug-11 16:00:56

Crikey typing explosion there, sorry

madmouse Fri 12-Aug-11 16:57:37

You may need to look again at anti-depressants. It's good to come off citalopram or go down in dose but only if you are ready and well. It may be possible to switch to one that is safe in pregnancy so that you can take a dose that actually helps you cope.

CharlieBoo Fri 12-Aug-11 19:52:33

Hey I had a day like that yesterday... I lay in bed planning how I could get away somewhere, anywhere and leave them to a happy life without me. Then I thought dp can't even make fish fingers, mash and beans without my help so maybe they do need me! grin

Seriously, you have a lot on your plate, how far from due date are you? Could you go back to gp and talk about meds? I have had pnd for 6 years on and off (big blip at the mo) and it's pretty shit, but we have our children and however crap we think we are, they love and need us. Hang in there. X

tryingtobeanormalmum Fri 12-Aug-11 21:41:48

ChrisPBacon...thanks I appreciate you took the time...will have a look at the page you recommended.
CharlieBoo...thank you, I'm trying but as much as we have a laugh at ourselves (you sound like what I do and the outside world might look at me and think I'm quite good at what I do and happy happy happy!!!) it might just be a blip, only got 6 wks to go but feel such a failure to those I have now...if it were that easy to just do what others appear to be able to do then I would do it, honest to god I would....maybe tomorrow will be better. Thank you, I appreciate not feeling quite so alone.

CharlieBoo Fri 12-Aug-11 22:33:28

Listen you will be fine, you have got through 6 years of this and you can keep going... Keep strong. X

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