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Depressed DH

(6 Posts)
allthebestnicknamesaregone Wed 10-Aug-11 22:11:45

I'd really appreciate a bit of help/advice...
DH lost his job earlier this year. He slowly sunk lower and lower and after going to the doctors a number of times he was diagnosed with depression and prescribed Citalopram about a fortnight ago. Since taking it, he's really been feeling awful, and it seems to have made things worse - not eating/washing/sleeping/getting out of bed and being snappy to the kids (if he actually acknowledges them.) I know things might even out after another couple of weeks and that this can be a side effect of the drugs. Things got so bad that MIL, who lives abroad, came back home.

He's been staying with her for a few days but is back with us tomorrow. And I'm dreading it, which I know sounds absolutely awful. The real problem is that at the moment, he is so distracted that I cannot trust him with DCs (aged 3 and 0) because he just cannot concentrate. In the last couple of days I have averted disaster several times - wandering off in the middle of bathtime, leaving kitchen knives within easy reach of small hands, etc etc. The list goes on and on. I just don't know what to do - one one hand I feel like a failure for not being able to support him on my own, and on the other I am angry that he is constantly putting the children at risk.

I suppose what I really need help with is how to manage him and the situation. Please help.

whyme2 Thu 11-Aug-11 07:22:18

Sorry you are in this situation. My dh has suffered from depression on and off for a few years and I know how hard and wearying it can be.

Is it not possible for him to stay at mil for a while longer?

Tbh I think you have to view yourself as totally responsible for the dcs for the moment. It may be that he needs to go back to his gp for further help too. I don't know whether it is the AD's or the depression itself which makes him not concentrate.

You are not a failure - it sounds like you are doing your best in a very difficult situation. Have you got any rl support? Is there someone to mind your dcs for a few hours while you do something for you.

It also may be worth trying to go with your dh to the gp - you can then ask questions your self which your dh might not be focussed enough to ask.

Sorry I don't think I've offered much advice but I hope today goes okay for you.

Triggles Thu 11-Aug-11 20:22:11

Sorry you are dealing with this. We are going through much the same here in our house. DH has been on ADs for quite some time, but recently the GP changed his meds, as the citalopram was not working well. So the GP has him weaning off the citalopram, and starting the new meds. But obviously as he's weaning off, his dosage is less, and the new meds will take a couple weeks to kick in. So we are faced with a couple weeks of sheer hell. DH is moody, forgetful (also resulting in dangerous situations regarding the kids), grouchy, irritable, snapping and shouting at me and the kids. I can't decide who I want to throttle more... DH or the GP. hmm

Hope it gets better soon.

cestlavielife Fri 12-Aug-11 12:14:28

dont have him back.

have him stay with MIL for longer til meds work - just come on day visits when you have time to supervise him with DC for couple hours.

he is sick and ill - think of it as "day release" from caring hospital (his MIL)

put you and DC needs first.

he needs time to get well and maybe peace of his MIL house.

allthebestnicknamesaregone Sun 14-Aug-11 22:58:52

Thanks so much for the replies. It might sound a bit daft but it's reassuring to know that other people understand.

He came back because MIL had to go back abroad, and she didn't want (understandably) him sitting in her house on his own. Things don't really seem to be any better. He just seems to be on a different planet and is still a liability with DCs.I am trying to be there all the time to try to avert disaster...but it is tricky because with two DCs I can't always be in the right place.

He was giving DD her bottle earlier whilst I was getting DS dressed, and said he was going to pop to the shops. Ten minutes later, I hear the front door slam. I assumed he'd be taking DD but found pushchair in hallway and ran around the house looking for her. I found her nibbling on a shoe, on her own in the lounge.

Yesterday I found DD holding tiny plastic bits from DS matchbox cars.

I am in a permanent (but quiet) rage. I feel like an awful person and I think I have had a sympathy bypass.

I have been trying to persuade him that joining MIL abroad at least for a few days might be a good plan.

Sorry, just read this post back and it's a bit of a rant.

TheyCallMeMimi Tue 23-Aug-11 20:35:44

DH also has depression but (fortunately for me) DCs are much older. Can you see GP on your own - to tell him you need help too? It's as if you have 3 DCs, not 2. I understand the permanent rage/sympathy bypass feeling. You are already doing so much to help him. Do other family members/friends know about his depression? Can you ask them for any help? Often people will help if approached about a specific need ("can you look after DCs tomorrow afternoon so I can get the shopping" type of thing). You have to take care of yourself, you are responsible for 2 small children.

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