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Postnatal Depression or just normal??

(15 Posts)
Brockilly Sun 07-Aug-11 14:54:27

Hi there - am new here and this is my first post but I really feel like I need some advice.

DS2 is currently 27 days old. I have a DD who is almost 4 and a half. Since having my son I began by feeling nothing but love. I am now very scared by what I currently feel. I am very much up and down but the main overriding feeling is that I just don't want to have to deal with him anymore. I feel as though I resent him for upsetting this perfect easy life I had with my DH and DD. I am finding him and his waking in the night very hard work and this is just adding to the resentment. I feel as though I have made a massive mistake in having him.

I have spoken with my HV who is organising for me to speak to a counsellor but won't know when that'll be until at least tomorrow. I just want someone to help/fix me! I had a major meltdown this morning, was just sobbing for an hour and a half. Mornings seem to be worse. Just feel like I want to claw out of me the way I feel. All that said all I want is the feelings I am having just to go away and I just want to feel the massive feeling of love for my son, I had when I had my daugher.

I should point out that he isn't the most difficult baby in the world. He can be unsettled especially when feeding and directly after (formula feeding). Took him to a cranial osteopath on friday who told me that he had a significant strain in his neck due to the way he was born (short labour, kiwi cup which the doctor used like he was playing tug of war - oh and he was on the bigger side at 9lb 3oz) so am hoping this will sort him out and make him more settled.

My daughter was an extremely easy baby - she fed, drank all her milk and slept easily in between. She is still like a dream child. If i could bottle her up and sell her I'd be a trillionaire by now! Wondering if I feel like this because he's not doing what she did?

I guess what I want to know is if this is normal at this stage 4 weeks post baby or whether I'm spiralling into post natal depression, which is my biggest fear.

Have posted this in a third topic as wasn't getting any response within the other two - told you I'm new at this!

Sorry for the lengthy post!

madmouse Sun 07-Aug-11 14:58:54

It definitely sounds like it could be PND so I think you are right to be concerned. It is good that your HV is organising some counselling. Depending on how bad you are feeling you may want to go and see your GP too, in case you'd do well to consider medication. I notice that you are FF so you would not need to be concerned for the baby if you were to take meds.

natsyloo Sun 07-Aug-11 16:50:44

Hi, I too think it sounds like classic PND (though obviously am not a GP) and it also sounds v familiar to me after the birth of my DS.

It's great that you're honest and aware of your symptoms-if you spk to your HV or GP you can get advice on next steps. I had ADs and CBT therapy-both of which was beneficial (moreso the therapy for me). It's also worth seeing if there are any support groups in your area-it's made a real diff for me to talk to other mums in the same boat. Good luck x

Waytooslow Sun 07-Aug-11 20:02:54

Hi

Sounds like me when my DS was younger and I was diagnosed with PND. As well as the "professional" routes of help like GP and councellors, I got huge support from family and friends. I think a lot of mums are embarrassed or scared to admit how they feel to family and friends, but I told all my close friends, as I needed to be with people all the time (hated being alone with DS). They were so supportive and rallied round to take DS away for a few hours so I could recover and have some time to myself. I didn't have many friends or family living close by so I even told my retired neighbours I was struggling and they used to be my first port of call if I got in a state and needed a cup of tea and someone to take the baby for half an hour. Do you have someone close that you can talk to about it?

Brockilly Sun 07-Aug-11 20:12:14

Hi all.

I have a small group of close friends who know what is happening, not to mention my DH who is being as supportive as he can without really knowing what to do to make it all better/go away.

People have suggested a lot to me to take DS for a while to give me a break but I feel as though that would only make my feelings towards him worse not better so whilst I feel like I just want to avoid him, I have forced myself to deal with him as a mum should when it would be very easy to let DH do all the heavy lifting.

I plan to speak to my GP tomorrow as I feel so desperate about the way I feel, like I said in my original post, I just want it all to stop feeling like this and feel mysel again.

Thanks for for your comments/advices.

CharlieBoo Sun 07-Aug-11 20:32:20

Ahh I have been where you are and it's awful.. My ds was a difficult baby, he didn't sleep, he just didn't need it. I had an awful labour and when I saw him I felt nothing, just empty. I bottled it all up for a long, long time as I was very ashamed. I had so wanted him, loved kids, was a complete natural with everyone else's kids, I felt so useless. The love was there, but for some reason I was unable to feel utter joy at this new baby. He was v poorly at 6 weeks old and we thought we were going to loose him, it made me realise how much I did love him and couldnt be without him. He's 6 now and the absolute apple of my eye. Luckily with my dd I felt the complete joy I should have felt when ds was born, and that always makes me a bit sad that I missed out on that with him. You will get there but you need support and people around you. You are so, so brave facing up to how you feel. It's early days, be kind to yourself and let people help you.

natsyloo Sun 07-Aug-11 20:57:25

Hello again, just wanted to wish you luck at the GPs tomorrow. You're so brave to face up to your feelings - things will get better but it can take time. Be kind to yourself, take the pressure off and accept help where possible.

You're amongst friends here who understand what you're going through and have felt exactly the same way. Thinking of you x

Brockilly Mon 08-Aug-11 09:11:50

Thanks everyone for your advises/kind comments.

Have a GP appointment this morning - will update you all later re how it went/what she said. xx

CharlieBoo Mon 08-Aug-11 16:26:07

How did it go Brockily? Been thinking of you.

Brockilly Mon 08-Aug-11 18:07:57

Hiya,

Spoke with the GP who told me it's sounds like classic PND. She has prescribed me an anti depressant (Sertraline). Since seeing the doc this morning, I have felt ok for most of the day. Howevr anxiety returned when contemplating taking these tablets. Took one with encourangement of husband but am concerned about potential side effects and unfortunately have just now brought up the half a dinner I managed to eat - sickness being one of the side effects:0(

Just don't know what to do for the best re tablets. On the plus side am seeing counsellor on friday evening for assessment. In the menatime, just gotta hold onto those feelings of normality as and when they come.

So SICK of feeling like this - just want to feel myself again....

xx

natsyloo Tue 09-Aug-11 11:00:45

Hi Brockily, glad your appointment went ok - it's good to take that first vital step.

I know what you mean on the anxiety front - I'm having a bit of a blip at the moment - the first in many months. I had really bad insomnia last night and got myself really worked up about feeling rubbish. I was also on sertraline (phased it out and stopped taking it a month ago) and in my panic took one last night and felt ridiculously sick - so I know where you're coming from. Silly really as it takes a good fortnight to get into your system so stick with it as the nausea passes after a few days.

It will get better - I speak from experience xx

madmouse Tue 09-Aug-11 12:56:14

Hope the sickness doesn't last brockily. Maybe you felt sick with nerves? The side effects are something to get through for a few weeks but hopefully the benefits will kick in soon.

Brockilly Wed 10-Aug-11 10:50:38

Hi all. Took 2nd tablet last night and don't feel too bad on them as yet. I know it's early days tho.

Also been given diazepam for the anxiety but even more reserved about these. Think I'll just use them in the evenings and see how I go. Doesn't help the mornings when the feelings are at their worst. Good news though - my mum (who lives in France) is now going to come for a couple of weeks so I have someone with me all the time during this difficult bit. She wasn't able to before due to work commitments but have juggled things and can come now so that'll help and by the time she goes back, tablets will have kicked in and started doing something. Fingers crossed anyway!

xx

CharlieBoo Wed 10-Aug-11 11:45:11

Brockilly, you sound a lot more positive! Great news about your mum! They are the best, I couldn't cope without mine at the moment... I found my tablets started kicking in on the 5th day and now 2 weeks in I feel a lot better. Take care and keep talking on here. Cboo x

natsyloo Wed 10-Aug-11 14:44:09

Good to hear from you Brockilly - give it a couple of weeks and you'll feel a difference. Great idea to have some extra support while you're feeling a bit rubbish.

Feeling worse in the morning is a classic symptom of PND - I found it helpful to work around this and try and get out and about to counter the feeling as fresh air helped my mood.

Keep going, you're doing really well x

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