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Doctors conflicting advice is making me feel suicidal. 31 weeks pg. I don't know what to do.

(29 Posts)
SchrodingersMew Thu 04-Aug-11 14:48:16

Last week I went to MAU and was told that I should have a csection and a bit early as I have really bad HMS and there could be bad damage to my body if I birth naturally, they also referred me to the care team as I am not coping with the pain...

Yesterday, I went to my hospital appt and was told by the consultant she doesn't see why there would be any risks and that she would want to induce me at 38 weeks.

The conflicting advice is making me far more depressed than I was and I am now terrified of the damage that could be caused to my body.

I don't know what to do anymore, please help.

madmouse Thu 04-Aug-11 16:41:21

Slow down!

What is MAU, what is HMS and why do both MAU and consultant have an opinion over your labour.

And where do the suicidal thoughts come from?

SchrodingersMew Thu 04-Aug-11 16:46:29

Sorry, MAU is Maternity assesment, so like A+E for pregnant people. HMS is Hypermobility syndrome. Sorry for the confusion.

And at the moment I am just getting more and more depressed and that's where the feeling slightly suicidal is coming from. I was already heading to feeling this way but my hospital appointment yesterday seems to have tipped me over the edge.

MonsterBookOfTysons Thu 04-Aug-11 16:49:25

Can you speak to your midwife and tell her all of this. Maybe she can kick their arses into making a decision that you are all comfortable with.

SchrodingersMew Thu 04-Aug-11 16:52:34

I don't have a MW. sad I'm consultant led. I phoned up MAU again and asked them if I was definitely referred to the psych team and got a MW I had seen on a ward and she said she was going to find a consultant and speak to them about it and try and get it sorted. She said she would phone back this afternoon but she hasn't phoned back yet. sad

madmouse Thu 04-Aug-11 17:01:07

What damage would be done to your body in labour? My friend has Ehler Danlos and is about to have no5 - having had 4 at home naturally. I know that stirrups are a big no no so I can totally understand why you don't want to be induced at 38 weeks as that will increase the chances of intervention. But a c-section has significant disadvantages of its own.

Who's care are you under for HMS? Surely they should decide with you what type of delivery is appropriate?

madmouse Thu 04-Aug-11 17:01:52

Why were you at MAU? And who saw you there?

nickelbabe Thu 04-Aug-11 17:03:46

wonder if it might be worth getting in touch with the Hypermobility Syndrome Association?

they might know more about the risks of childbirth, if they have anecdotal evidence about it.

nickelbabe Thu 04-Aug-11 17:04:01

www.hypermobility.org/

it's that space bar again, sorry.

PIMSoclock Thu 04-Aug-11 17:12:41

I think there is more than just the issue of conflicting advice here.
The fact that you have posted this on a mental health thread and are saying that you are having suicidal thoughts would suggest that perhaps you need more people involved with your care than just the obstetric consultant.
As you are 31 weeks there is time before you need to make this decision but just now you need to deal with your mental health.
Are you known to the mental health team? Do you have a psychiatric nurse link? If you do them you need to get in touch and talk how you are feeling over with them. If not then please talk to your gp ASAP.
feeling overwhelmed by the decisions facing you is totally understandable. Feeling suicidal is not a normal part of coping with stress well.
You need to talk to someone and get some help for your mental health then deal with your physical problems.
The fact that you have recognised how you are feeling and posted here is a great step, but you need some professional help now
Good luck smile

SchrodingersMew Thu 04-Aug-11 17:21:37

Madmouse It's EDS III I have apparently. I was told that going naturally could cause massive damage to my hips. I'm already having severe problems with them at the moment with pain and them subluxing. This was the reason I was at MAU because I just can't cope with the pain. I see a Rheum clinic occasionally at another hospital but they are taking no more involvement until he is born. Plus it takes months to get an appt with them.

PIMS Another reason why I am so down is because while I was at MAU they realised how little I was coping and said they would refer me to the psych team and took lots of details, then yesterday they had no record of it at all. The only record they had is when I asked to be referred at my booking appointment and that was 20 weeks ago and I still haven't heard anything back yet.

Nickelbabe I had already been on the site today looking for someone to phone for relevant advice but couldn't find any numbers. Just numbers to the likes of the samaratins.

madmouse Thu 04-Aug-11 17:31:23

In terms of your hips unless an expert has told you that your hips will be damaged don't automatically take it as gospel. There are things you can do to protect your hips in labour such as lying on your side during the first stage if you are too tired to stand or sit and giving birth on your knees eaning on the bed.

That is what makes me hesitant about an early induction as you are more likely to need an epidural etc.

It is ''normal''' for your hips to be bad during late pregnancy - my otherwise healthy pelvis developed SPD and that was bad enough, you have that looseness and instability already. A good chance is that it will improve again soon after birth.

natsyloo Thu 04-Aug-11 17:32:59

Firstly, really sorry to hear you're in such a bad way and understandably are very confused and upset about mixed messages.

I think you need to insist on feedback re: mental health support - this is a priority as it's equally as important as the clinical/physical aspect of delivery and it's vital you receive the support you need if your mood is so bad.

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you deserve at the moment - it sounds like MH support would be vital for you.

Take care and good luck :-)

SchrodingersMew Thu 04-Aug-11 17:40:42

Madmouse Physio had already wanted to see me back as they weren't sure I would be able to labour naturally.
I don't think I could labour on my knees as I tried sitting like that the other night as it was too painful to lie on my back or side and one of my knees popped. sad

I don't think I could go past 38 weeks as the weight is far too stressful on my hips and it has been since quite early on I have been having major problems but I don't think I could allow them to induce me either. I'm pretty sure the experience would be horrific.

I had just gotten over being told I should have a c section when I had wanted a natural birth and now I don't know what to think. I'm completely terrified.

Natsy I'm going to keep on at them about MH as I think I'm at the point where it could be dangerous if I don't get it.

madmouse Thu 04-Aug-11 19:50:39

confused - when is physio seeing you again? Surely a letter from them to your consultant would be enough to get you a c-section?

My ds (3) sees his physio eveery week and his consultants pretty much do what the physio asks as they know that she knows him best.

SchrodingersMew Thu 04-Aug-11 20:13:04

I see them on Monday and I hadn't actually thought of that. smile A little bit of hope there.

desperateforadvice Thu 04-Aug-11 21:00:14

Hi Schrodingers

Firstly so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain and feeling so frightened and low.

I didn't have any big health problems in my pregnancy's but even the 'normal' pains of late pregnancy were difficult to deal with so well done for getting this far smile

I suffered from fairly severe antenatal depression, it was like a light went 'off' in my head at about 7 or 8 weeks pregnancy and alrthough I was never suicidal I had every black and negative thought going every single day until my babies were born! Once the birth was over though the light went back on (thank goodness).

I did discuss my feelings with my MW and we agreed that if at any time i felt unable to go on with no meds then she would refer me for an urgent appointment and we would look at the possibility of antidepressants. As you are now so far along in your pregnancy i am fairly sure therer would be very little risk to your baby (and a psychiatrist would be able to advise you of which meds had a good safty profile in pregnancy etc). Would you consider this?

It is awful that you seem to have 'fallen through the net' so far but my two bits od advise would be

one- make an appt with your GP tomorrow, tell them that you are now feeling suicidal and make it clear that it is mainly the pain and fear caused by such inconsitent messages and advise. Ask for an immediate referral to the local Community mental health team. In the area I work a pregnant woman having suicidal thought would be a huge priority.

two- there is in every area a 'mental health crisis team' who you can contact yourself, any time of day or night. They can talk to you over the phone or come and see you at home, if you ring NHS direct they shoyuld be able to give you the number for your area. They are a good resource as they can fast track you into services as well as offering support as and when its needed.

Also, what support do you have personally speaking, apart from struggling with physical pain and depression pregnancy is such a worrying and (sometimes) lonely time? You need the company and support of other expectant mums!! Although you are under consultant care you should still surely have a named midwife or at least a link team that could maybe put you in touch with a local group?

Sending you a virtual hug, soon you will be a mum and even though it wont makew the HMS go away everything will be so much brighter wheh you meet your baby.....

ladydynamo Thu 04-Aug-11 21:28:22

Hi there, just want to let you know that I was in such a state of anxiety in the lead up to my baby's birth last year that the hospital got a psychologist from the special care baby unit to come and speak to me when I was in for a check up the week before the birth.. Can you ask if they have someone like this at your hospital? No one told me about her until it was really too late to help with the birth (as I was already overdue and booked into be induced), but she said she would have been able to help more if I'd been referred sooner, and she saw me for a good while after the birth once a week at my home.

I had terrible anxiety/depression throughout my pregnancy and was terrified of giving birth, so you are not alone. But I promise you will get through this, and they will get your baby here safely one way or another. Please do not get too hung up on having a natural birth if you are told you must have a c section in the end- this happened to me and you know what, I'm ok with it now, because there were valid medical reasons and there are also no actual medals for being able to say you gave birth naturally. What is freaking you out is the uncertainty, so ask if there is a psychologist available to hear your concerns.

I got help with my anxiety etc throughout pregnancy from the perinatal mental health team- you should have been put in touch with this service if you have been struggling mentally in pregnancy. I'm so annoyed on your behalf that your referral has not been taken any further. Please feel free ask on here or pm me if you need any other advice about getting mental health services or are worried about having a c section, or jusyt freking out (I did thid a loy in late pregnancy) xxx

SchrodingersMew Fri 05-Aug-11 09:32:37

I'm sorry to hear about how you both felt during pg. It's awful isn't it? And I feel so guilty for feeling this way because I know I should be happy that my baby will be here soon....

I have an appt to see my Consultant on Weds, Physio on Mon and I took the advice given and have made an appt with my GP today and will be asking for Amitriptyline as I feel I am at a point if I go any lower there will be no way to return. sad

After getting used to the idea of a section I am now terrified of the possibility that they will not understand my condition properly and induce me.. It's very strange, now being terrified of what I was getting ready to mourn just a week ago.

Time is ticking and now they are refusing to talk about delivery options, I feel at 31 weeks considering the latest they will let me go is 38 weeks they should be listening to my concerns and discussing my options with me. Especially as I only get 1 appt a month. That means I only have 2 appts left until I have him. confused

Thank you again for replying. I am very grateful to have people to turn to at the moment. smile

(Apologies if I rambled on a bit.)

ladydynamo Fri 05-Aug-11 13:03:32

Turn to us all you like- I remember the weeks leading up to my birth well, and I know how vulnerable you feel and the fear of the unknown is powerful. Have you got a partner? Just wondering if there is someone else who can also speak up for you? 7 weeks is time for you to sort this out so please don't panic x

mrsgboring Fri 05-Aug-11 13:53:28

So sorry to hear all the hassle you're going through. I do hope you find someone who will help you and advocate for you.

One thing I would say from my own experience, although 31 weeks feels close to birth for you (and any normal person) consultants and HCPs in general don't see it that way and won't usually be drawn on delivery options until about 35 weeks at the earliest. It's completely shit that they are like this, but that has been my experience.

So please don't panic that this situation is now fixed for the duration. It probably isn't. When you get really close you do tend to get more help and communication out of them.

SchrodingersMew Sat 06-Aug-11 03:00:26

Hi there,

I went to the GP today and explained exactly how I felt. He didn't think Amitriptyline was safe to use in pg so he has put me on Diazapam for the moment which seems to have calmed me down a bit. smile

And the reason I was so worried about time, is because the Consultant said I could be induced at 37 weeks and given steroid injections but that means I only have 2 hospital appt's before then, which is worrying me a bit. confused

Thanks again for being there. smile

madmouse Sat 06-Aug-11 09:43:50

Glad you went to the doctor. Diazepam will help calm you down short term, but you should not take it longer that a week or 2 as you get used to it quickly and it is very addictive. It also doesn't help with depression. How/for how long has he suggested you take it?

SchrodingersMew Sat 06-Aug-11 10:13:52

Glad I went too. smile
He's given me it for 2 weeks. 2mg, 3 times a day, basically as an anti anxiety.

madmouse Sat 06-Aug-11 10:17:37

That sounds sensible - I had a few 2mg tablets the other day and they calmed me down without leaving me drowsy.

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