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After suffering with PND in silence for over 6 years, I went and got some help today

(14 Posts)
CharlieBoo Thu 28-Jul-11 20:52:23

I feel totally liberated it's all out in the open... Gp was very nice, I have some AD's and got to go back in 2 weeks for a review.

6 years I've been scared of what they'll think and they didn't bat an eyelid!! I really couldn't go on any longer, it came back about 6-12 months ago (terrible anxiety) and just in the last few days traumatic, unwanted images in my head. I pray they'll go soon. Does anyone have experience of these with PND/anxiety... Apparently it's seen in anxiety. Thanks for listening.

natsyloo Thu 28-Jul-11 21:45:37

Massive step - well done. So pleased you feel liberated and you're getting the help you need.

Intrusive or unwanted thoughts are a symptom of anxiety and OCD - they normally become more apparent and persistent the more you react to them and want to push them away. It's the reaction to the thought that's the important thing and the significance you place on them.

CBT is really helpful for managing this and for learning how to observe a thought and let it pass through your mind without it affecting you and taking hold of you. It takes practice but it can be done.

Good luck and hope you feel better soon :-)

iceandsliceplease Thu 28-Jul-11 23:55:39

That is fantastic! Bloody well done you! It's the first step that's the hardest (sorry about the cliche, but it is true). I've had PND for about the same time as you, and I've always, always, struggled with the GP appointments. Yet every appt I've ever had has been so reassuring (the very first appt the GP said 'Oh...you poor, poor, girl. To go on for so long like this!').
I get the same horrible & distressing thoughts that I just can't shift. I hadn't realised it's linked in to anxiety, or that they get worse the more you react to them (thanks natsyloo smile), but it does make a lot of sense. I find that I usually get obsessed with thinking about someone/something for weeks, then it vanishes, to be replaced by something else.
I really, really, really recommend Marcus Trescothick's autobiography 'Coming back to me'. It's not a misery memoir, it is his life story as a cricketer, but when he describes his depression, he is brutally honest about how he felt, and I could really relate to it, especially after my own breakdowns last year. The assault on his brain he describes is one of the hardest things I've ever read, but it has really helped me to read it and know that actually other people feel the same, and we're not mad, just ill.

colditz Fri 29-Jul-11 00:03:30

You are going to feel SO much better this time nextmonth, I cannot describe to you the joy you will start finding in life.

CharlieBoo Fri 29-Jul-11 13:55:38

Thankyou so much for your very kind replies. I am looking forward to feeling better, I feel relieved that I have now asked for help. During thenight I couldn't sleep so I went through the archives and found some threads on the disturbing images etc. The main consensus was that they are part of the anxiety and one thread said to visualise the word STOP when they happen and tbh that's been a help already.

My friend freaked me a bit this morning though by saying that one of the mums she knows at her ds' school went to the gp with depression/she'd split from her husband and the gp told her if she wasn't better in 6 months they may have to inform social services. Instantly I felt highly anxious by this but my mum said how ridiculous, it's that that stops people getting help.

So trying hard to not feel anxious and keep busy. Thanks so much for your replies, it means a lot. L

colditz Fri 29-Jul-11 17:07:15

I've had on/offdepression for years, my GP hasn't rtung the ss yet. Don't panic, therewill have been other circumstances.

iceandsliceplease Fri 29-Jul-11 20:44:38

Like Colditz, I've been off and on for years and no one's ever mentioned SS to me - not even last year when I was having daily visits from the psychiatric crisis team. Just being on ADs doesn't automatically set off an alarm in a social workers office.

How are you feeling this evening?

CharlieBoo Fri 29-Jul-11 21:26:01

Thanks Ladies for your support. I was great until it got to this afternoon and took the kids for a playdate at my sons best friends house. I found it very hard to put on an act and ended up with a full blown panic attack! Awful. So embarrasing! Luckily kids were outside and the little lads mum was lovely. I wandered before I went if I should go, but I don't want the kids to miss out on stuff because I'm not 100%. I love my kids more than anything and so want to get better.

We are away next week at dp's parents, am a bit worried about holding it together but think I will get dp to call them and explain what's happened. They are lovely but I'm sure they'll think I'm some sort of drama queen or lunatic or both lol!

I'll keep talking on here as it helps... Thanks again

scottishmummy Fri 29-Jul-11 21:32:18

shame you had such unpleasant intrusive thoughts.hope things work out well for you

iceandsliceplease Fri 29-Jul-11 23:13:46

Sounds like you're doing well CharlieBoo - I'm very impressed that you felt able to go out for a playdate! Maybe in a weird way, having had a panic attack might make you feel more able to cope in the future? As though 'well, what's the worst that I could do/feel? Meh, coped with that one already' IYSWIM?

Your inlaws might be confused by what's going on, or they might well be lovely about it. DP's family & I always had a somewhat strained relationship until last year when I was in a pretty bad way and then they were fantastic. Since then, we've got on much better.

Keep chatting on here whenever you need to. It's still early days yet, and once the ADs kick in, you will start to feel like yourself once more.

CharlieBoo Fri 05-Aug-11 11:00:53

Hi, just a quick update as it's been a while since I last posted. I am 9 days into the AD's now and my anxiety has eased a great deal, so very pleased. I feel a bit down in the dumps today though, hope i snap out if it. The AD's are making me feel very tired though, but it's worth it to feel better. I am on citalopram 10mgs a day. I am due to go again to gp next week. What will the apt consist of do you think? Upping the dose, see how I'm doing??? Thanks, gps, drs are one of my anxiety triggers, I think that's why I feel down today as it's getting closer that I have to go back.

natsyloo Fri 05-Aug-11 21:59:54

Hi CB, glad to hear you're feeling a bit better and the ADs have taken the edge off your anxiety. It takes a bit for them to get into your system and it's normal to have a few side effects.

As for your next appt, it will be to review how your current dose is working - it's just a case of keeping track of mood changes and being honest about how you feel so the GP can decide whether to alter your dose and monitor your symptoms.

Great to hear things have improved - you' re doing really well :-)

CharlieBoo Sat 06-Aug-11 15:30:45

Thanks Natsyloo... I do think they have helped, think being honest about how I've felt for so long has helped too. Do you think I need to see same gp? It's just I went on an emergency appt as I had an almighty panic attack and was so scared, but he's not who I would really like to see. I think I could talk to one of the female gps easier. Thanks

natsyloo Sat 06-Aug-11 19:05:50

I'd say go with your instinct - it's not necessary to see the same GP if you think you'd prefer to see someone else. Once I'd found a Dr I really trusted I kept with her so it was just more consistent, but your notes/commentary from the previous appt will all be documented so maybe go with someone you feel more comfortable with. Good luck :-)

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