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Supporting your partner through depression - any tips/can anyone recommend a good book?

(8 Posts)
fuzzypeach Sun 17-Jul-11 21:31:04

My DH is suffering with depression, he is on citalopram, and recently tried to come off it, but it didnt go well and he is back on it now. However he feels more depressed. It has led to a lot of problems in our marriage (obviously not all caused by him being depressed, but it has been a difficult time as I only recently came off ADs myself after 10 years so was unable to give him my support at the time, as I did not know how)
He has recently left me for some "space" and I want to show him that I can now offer him support and be there for him and that I want to help him through this. But the thing is, I don't know how?!
I tried talking to him today as I could tell he was feeling particularly low, and all I got out of him was that he feels worthless, so I reassured him that he wasnt and that me and our children love him and think the world of him etc...but I then didn;t know what else to say!
Can anyone give me any ideas about how to show him that I am here, and how to cope with your partner being depressed? I was going to go to the book shop on my lunch hour tomorrow and see if there are any books that might be helpful, but wondered if anyone could recommend one to me?
Thanks for any help, I appreciate it.

cestlavielife Sun 17-Jul-11 21:55:42

Living with a Black Dog [Paperback]
Matthew Johnstone

How You Can Survive When They're Depressed : Living and Coping with Depression Fallout [Paperback]
Anne Sheffield

both on amazon
see also

ask also GP for referral to nhs counsellor for you

or ask GP to refer you to family therapist to go together

fuzzypeach Sun 17-Jul-11 21:57:34

Thanks cestlavielife - I have just been reading reviews on these on Amazon, but I got the impression that they were more about me coping with DH depression rather than me knowing how to be there for him, if that makes sense? Or have I got that wrong? Thanks

reallytired Sun 17-Jul-11 22:10:14

I think you need to look after yourself and your own health.

This is a good book and would help you. As much as we love our husbands there is only so much we can do. He has to take responsiblity for his only destiny. You do not have responsiblity or control over his behaviour even if he is depressed.

Your DH is putting you and your children through utter hell. It is very common mistake to internalise these negative situations and blame yourself. There are thinking traps people fall into. Some people interalise their problems, and see it as a personal slight on their character. For example you are blaming yourself for your husband leaving you and him breaking his marriage vows.

fuzzypeach Mon 18-Jul-11 08:56:47

Thanks, I will have a look at the link

fuzzypeach Tue 19-Jul-11 12:08:17

Any tips on how to be there for someone suffering depression?

cestlavielife Tue 19-Jul-11 13:59:02

this one has a whole chapter see the contents on the look inside

Living with Depression: How to Cope When Your Partner is Depressed (previously called Living with the Black Dog) [Paperback]
Caroline Carr

i didnt put it before because when ir ead it i felt it was about what you can do for them - rather than about how to protect yourself.
but it sounds like you want the former not the latter.

but - keep an eye on yourself. or you will get sucked in and depressed too...

but maybe best is to ask him what he wants from you?

fuzzypeach Tue 19-Jul-11 15:54:05

Thank you I will order that one as well. X

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