Have general depressive tendencies although have been off ADs since late 2009 after some v successful CBT in 2008.
H and I separated in April and since then have been very busy with work until this week. I think my mind has started to relax a bit as I can feel the negative thoughts trying to get in and the thoughts of wanting to harm myself are intruding more.
I have various things planned (trip to London for the children and me and then holiday at the beginning of August) which I know I will want to do (more for the children than for me but a step in the right direction). Then DD's birthday in September. But I can't think further than that and can't really see any point in going on. I know that is rather negative and I don't want to be, but I am feeling so sad. Maybe am mourning the loss of the relationship now I have the time to do it?
Have been using Moodscope which is showing my scores getting worse each day. Suppose it is indicating to me I need to do something other than keep eating chocolate.
This all feels very self indulgent - probably helps a bit just typing it even if no one does reply <wry>
Have realised I am having my version of a period at the moment (have a coil (although fat lot of point at the moment )) but get occasional spotting which is often preceeded by feeling emotional. Shall see how I feel next week and if it doesn't get better will go to my GP.
Am useless at telling anyone about how I feel - am maintaining very bright and breezy air but might be time to tell some people I suppose.
Have also gone on the waiting list for counselling which should happen around September. Which is another thing to keep going for.
Have had better weekends but suppose tomorrow is another day. Talked to H a bit last night as he came round here for a bit after dropping DD off and told him about the depression possibility. Probably helped a bit although still feeling rubbish in general.
Have made pre-emptive appointment to see GP on Tuesday (online booking system v useful). Will keep checking in here I think.
Glad you made appt just in case. If you nip it in the bud recovery could be much faster, If your therapy was good you could always go back for a short while, I dip in and out over the years and find it great. Hope your blip is short and you have a great summr and beyondxxx
Thank you everyone. Am feeling a little less grey right now which is good. And have cleaned the kitchen a bit which sounds a slightly odd thing to feel good about but is quite an accurate representation of general well being.
Now of course can't decide whether tp go to doctors tomorrow...
I think the kitchen cleaning happened because I was feeling a bit better if that makes any sense. Will probably go along to see doctor tomorrow although feel a bit silly saying I was feeling awful and now not so bad .
Dr really won't mind if you are not feeling your worst at the appointment time!!!! Be glad you feel well enough to and go for the help you need. Those damn Drs don't ever work when you want them at 4 in the morning!!!