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Some reassurance please. PND

(7 Posts)
Embering Fri 15-Jul-11 15:43:13

I have a lady coming to my house who is suffering from severe PND. I have never met her before.

I met her MIL with the baby, as she does a lot of the childcare at the moment and told me all about her and how she is struggling to cope.

I said to the MIL, if she (the DIL) ever wants to come to my house for a coffee and a chat, as I have a baby the same age then I would love it. I have always felt it is other mothers who can be the best source of support and reassurance. She has no other mum friends at all and spends all day at home alone.

Now then, I have absolutely no experience of depression in any of its forms, and am now a bit worried that I am going to do or say the wrong thing and she is going to regret agreeing to venture out.

I'm naive in this, and feel so dumb, but how to behave? Do I talk about PND? Do I brush over it? How will she be towards me and my baby?

I guess what I mean is please tell me I cant put my foot in it and make things worse for her. That is my biggest worry.

TotalChaos Fri 15-Jul-11 15:50:08

From the POV of someone who had experience of antenatal depression, and met some mums with PND - re:talking about PND, follow her lead. if she mentions it, don't brush over it, let her have her say. As to how she will be towards you and your baby - I imagine much as any other mum or baby would be, possibly a bit less interested than you might expect (sometimes IME depression can make you a bit self-centred). Most of the mums I met with PND were keen to put on a positive face, if anything tended to "hide" behind the kids, ie. feel more comfortable talking about baby stuff than about themselves.

madmouse Fri 15-Jul-11 16:42:23

Don't be too afraid - you are obviously sensitive and aware already. As long as you avoid 'getting over it' and 'pulling yourself together' you will be fine. Don't make too many practical suggestions of thing he could/should do to feel better. Just chat about the babies and anything else you can find in common and get to know each other first. If she opens up just listen, you don't need to give advice. It is fine to ask if there is anything you can do to help.

Just be your usual self. Don't bring it up but listen if she wants to talk about it. Don;t turn it into a big issue.

Embering Sat 16-Jul-11 09:37:36

Thank you it's quite shameful really to be 'afraid' of this. I know she is another normal mum like me, but in my mind it is a big issue. I think once she comes round it will be absolutely fine and I'm just hoping that in some small way it will be a help, even if it just means she has left the house for an hour.
I think there are quite a few problems, she FF every hour and baby has gone from 25th to 98th percentile- 4 months old. Is feeding baby at every squeak a coping mechanism??

madmouse Sat 16-Jul-11 09:47:14

It could be - or it could be a very hungry baby playing catch-up. Feeding our babies is very emotive territory and I would avoid it for now, or casually ask if she's seeing her HV at all. Although she will be seeing the HV if she knows which centile her baby is at.

TotalChaos Sat 16-Jul-11 10:34:07

If it's 100% true about the hourly feeding (and bear in mind you have this information at 2nd hand!) it must be draining hourly feeding (unless the baby can drain a bottle in 5 minutes flat). I would steer clear of discussing feeding unless she asks your advice directly. IME (my DS was a very pukey baby though) it's not possible to overfeed such a young baby, as they would bring the excess back up.

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