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please tell me the truth ... is it me?

(9 Posts)
scuzy Thu 14-Jul-11 11:31:39

i am slowly weaning off anti ds but my partner is still on very strong ones. we are supportive of one another and things are ok at the moment better than they have been.

however we have no sex life to be blunt. its been over a year. any advances i make i am knocked back. i experienced low libido myself while on the meds but am not now. however he doesnt want to be touched by me, kisses are pecks on the lips, no closeness, no holding hands, proper kissing, or anything.

i feel ugly, rejected, that he doesnt love me, not attracted to me. i know my weight is a factor (piled on with anti ds and comfort eating) and he says that i am fat (well it is obvious) but he says he loves me but is, in his words, "chemically castrated".

is this normal? anyone any advice or experience?

CrapolaDeVille Thu 14-Jul-11 11:34:27

I would think it's normal, especially as your libido is only just returning. I would seek the advice of a GP/medic who can reassure you. xx

scuzy Thu 14-Jul-11 11:37:36

am too embarrassed to say it incase it is me. i cried all last night after another attempt at being affectionate and being knocked back. i love him so much and want to be with him!

Pancakeflipper Thu 14-Jul-11 11:39:35

Its normal. Meds just seem to knock out a sex drive. Try to ensure you have some physical contact like holding hands when walking or sat on the sofa together on a Saturday night etc....

scuzy Thu 14-Jul-11 11:40:11

when i say i had low libido i meant that i still wanted the closeness just not the act itself. had no desire and just wanted to cuddle. but he doesnt want any contact at all.

scuzy Thu 14-Jul-11 11:41:33

pancakeflipper thats what i mean he doesnt like that we are on seperate couches, seperate rooms ... we do talk etc and i do feel he loves me deep down but not attracted to me or in love with me anymore.

while i'm trying to get better and wean off this is knocking me back. have very low self esteem because of this and the weight.

scuzy Thu 14-Jul-11 11:42:34

we dont leave the house together. i work full time and mostly mind our son and he is self emplyed and can stay in bed all day or get up and work. but we NEVER do normal couple stuff. ever. am resigned to that in a way.

musicposy Sat 16-Jul-11 01:08:46

Completely normal. I was on anti d's this last year after a horrible miscarriage and came off them about 2 months ago. One of the reasons I was desperate to come off was that I had zero sex drive and no interest whatsoever in DH. I didn't feel even remotely attracted to him any more, or any other man on the planet, for that matter. I didn't want him to hug me, kiss me, touch me, nothing. I could happily have gone without sex for the rest of my life. If I did put myself out to agree to anything, I couldn't feel at all turned on or get anywhere. I needed to go on them but towards the end I felt it wasn't really doing our relationship much good.

I've been off them two months now and I'm gagging for it grin. The whole time. I don't think DH knows what has hit him shock. I think as you are coming off your libido will be returning so you'll be feeling the lack of it more.

Try not to get too down about it. It really isn't you.

Your DP is on strong antiDs therefore he has MH issues and the antiDs squashing his libido. It's not about you, it's not a reflection on you being undesirable or anything, it's about him not being well and not functioning 'normally'. Is he kind to you otherwise, and generally a good partner? If you are living with someone with MH issues it's important to be aware that this is not a free ticket for the person to mistreat you, and if you have a partner who is very mentally ill to the point that you are being abused, it's not wicked and selfish to insist the partner goes and lives elsewhere while treatement is taking place.

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