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Very upset - what's wrong with me ?

(2 Posts)
jiggered Wed 13-Jul-11 15:05:21

I've name-changed, but I've had a rough time over the last year - PND and now possible bipolar. I self-harmed for the second time recently. I thought that this was only a recent thing and told my CPN this. But I've remembered that I used to hurt myself as a child - mostly, I'd stab pencils in to parts of my body. It was so hard, i could break the skin. I used to force myself to lie down on an upright pencil until it just about broke through my stomach. I think this started when I was about 6 and stopped around 10.

What the he!! was that all about? Was it self-harming? Why on earth would such a young child do that? I always thought I had an idyllic childhood - very, very happy. Now I'm lost. I think there must be something so wrong with me. Where on earth do I start with this?

There was something else that I remembered at the same time that I had repressed but that also brought some self-harming. That's so upsetting I can't even type it here. I thought I was recovering from everything, now I just feel broken. sad

madmouse Wed 13-Jul-11 15:06:53

have sent you a pm

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