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how can I stop going over my painful past?

(5 Posts)
dontwantanickname Sat 02-Jul-11 09:54:29

hello, I have a diagnosis of bipolar, i also have GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) I am taking seroquel and beta blockers and am coming off venlafaxine

I have been really struggling to stop negative thoughts, i keep going over in my head how awful my DC's father treated me when we were together and generally over the years how badly he has neglected the DCs and been so unsupportive of me. of course this is not the only 'bad shit' i have had in my life but at the moment seems to be something i can't let go.

Does anyone have any advice on how to stop these bad thoughts from 'spiralling' I just cant seem to let go of the past and I don't want to be bitter about a situation i have no real control over.

ie the current situation (tip of iceberg here)is their dad is telling them i have poisoned them against me (nope ,he did that all himself) he wont contribute to their upbringing (never has) I have told him he cant visit the DCs in my house he must take them out and actually be responsible for them and of course he has told the DCs i am not letting him see them at all.

I know its a lot to deal with and probably normal to dwell on it but i dont want to spend my time and thoughts on someone who was just awful to me and DC's.

How can i fill my brain with more positive thoughts?

NanaNina Sun 03-Jul-11 00:16:56

It sounds like CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) is what you need. It is quite a basic theory which helps us to turn the automative negatvie thoughts that pop up, into more balanced thoughts, which will in turn affect how we feel and how we behave, to prevent the very thing you are talking about, thoughts going round and round in a negative spiral.

GPs can refer you for CBT on the NHS but there is usually a long waiting list. Worth asking though. In the meantime, there are lots of books on it if you go on Amazon or play.com (no delivery charge) and just put CBT into the search.
I wouldn't worry too much about what the children's father is telling them about you. Children are very quick to suss out who is telling the truth, dependent of course on their age, but they will in time know who is lying.

dontwantanickname Sun 03-Jul-11 09:43:04

hi thanks for your reply i will have a look into CBT i have heard about it I didnt realise you could get books on it so I will look on amazon

JinxAndFluff Sun 03-Jul-11 10:04:33

I can really empathise with how you feel. I was diagnosed bipolar 6years ago and after much mucking about am now 'mood stable' but on 3 different drugs for it. It was a period that lost me my job, my marriage, my home and nearly lost my DD. I decscended into alcohol oblivion for a long time. To all intents and purposes I have pulled myself back, nice flat, working in a much smaller job, repaired some of the financial damage I did and most importantly my daughter trusts me again and I share her care with my now ex. The divorce was dire, my legal fees were over £50k. It took alot of of recovering from. SO I asked my CPN if I could be put on the list for CBT because I needed to learn some ways to stop me repeating the ways I had been thinking and reacting, just couldn't risk going downhill again. Because my illnesses had been so bad I suspect she has managed to get me up the list because the appointment has come through quickly, end of this month. Apparently it does require a lot of own work but I do need it.Like you I have a terrible tendancy to do 'what ifs' and go over things that I did, guilt etc. Do you have a CPN you could ask, or is your GP helpful? I do have a book called Mind over Matter which is supposed to be the leading text but it is a bugger to use yourself.

dontwantanickname Wed 06-Jul-11 08:07:42

hi thanks for sharing your experiences, I'm so sorry the illness cost you so much and took so long to treat. i too used to drink a lot (maybe 4-5 bottles of wine a week) but have been able to cut it right down to 2 glasses on a friday night, which i often don't finish. I lost my job, been made homeless twice in the last 3 years, not soley due to my mental health but i am sure If i was coping I would have been able to make better descisions. Several times I have had to send my children to relatives for up to a month at a time as i cant look after them. i am so lucky to have supportive family.
My consultant is great, really supportive, I saw her yesterday and she is going to get the ball rolling for CBT treatment for me.
treatment does take a long time to get right doesn't it. I have had my tablets changed /upped every two weeks for the past 3 months and still will be a while before we get it right.
I just feel so so angry, like i could totally lose it over the smallest thing.Its really scary and takes all my strength to go 'down the bottom of the garden' and scream and shout down there, well away from everyone.

I have sent an email to their dad-i have kept it official, non bitchy and to the point. it gives their contact details again, and when they are available to him. I dont think it will make a difference but at least the boys will know i am genuinely not stopping him from seeing them. I am hoping i can put these thoughts to rest!

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