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From bad to worse and I have bloody well had enough!

(15 Posts)
DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore Tue 28-Jun-11 22:57:03

Oh god it's like history repeating itself. I thought I was moving forward, very slowly but still. But here we go again. I havn't slept properly now for 4 days. Its just nightmare after nightmare so I give up and get up. My patience is non existent at the moment and I feel that dd is suffering.

Dds dad is messing around with his access again so I can't guarantee myself even an hour for just me.

I just feel so messed up, tired and alone. It's so awful.

madmouse Wed 29-Jun-11 16:27:44

Hey sorry you feel this bad. Any idea what is triggering this sudden downturn? Lack of rest and space for yourself? How is he messing with access?

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore Wed 29-Jun-11 18:17:24

Thankyou Madmouse. I have no idea what's triggered it. I am just struggling so much right now. My anxiety levels are through the roof, even going in the garden today with dd was awful. I feel like the worst mum in the world, such a failure.

He messes about with the access by changing times and days and then when he has got dd he brings her back after an hour because "something else has come up". It infuriates me but arguing with him is a no go area.

I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

shodatin Thu 30-Jun-11 11:06:04

So sorry to read this, and I think you need help to deal with this person, who has obviously decided to be a nuisance. Hope someone more experienced will be along soon, but meanwhile I wonder if there is someone local who can deal with him for you; family, friend, health visitor, Surestart volunteer, social worker etc? Meanwhile, I don't think arguing is going to get you anywhere, someone should be telling him about acceptable behaviour.
I do hope you feel better soon, and it's no surprise you feel a failure with your ex in the picture, but it's not your fault.

madmouse Thu 30-Jun-11 11:59:59

Sorry meant to post again yesterday but didn't have a very good day and forgot.

I know the last thing you need right now is more big practical stuff but you really need to go to a family solicitor and ask them to apply for a contact order as the cooperation between you and ex has broken down and the current arrangements are to the detriment of your child (who needs consistency and reliability - bringing her back after an hour and not sticking to arrangements is simply bad for her). He may still let you down when he is meant to have her but at least that will only be every other weekend and a weekday afternoon not every day.

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore Thu 30-Jun-11 12:13:26

Thankyou both. I am considering going back to my solicitor to get something more formal in place. He only has dd for two days a week (his choice) so I don't understand why he messes around. He has a major problem with me having a bf and I think that's why he's started the verbal abuse again. I asked him to keep an eye on dds temp as she'd been a bit under the weather and that resulted in me being a "stupid bitch"!!! Its utter madness tbh.

I am just tired of it all. I try to do my best for dd and its thrown back in my face. If I could run away I would. sad

purplepidjin Thu 30-Jun-11 12:41:03

Have you talked to your gp? Are you on meds or having counselling?

Is there a friend or family member who you can trust to look after your dd? I know if one of my mates rang and said could I mind their child for a few hours I'd rearrange things to do it - don't assume it bothers them to be asked iyswim, how old is she

<Pours [tea] and watches dd for an hour while op drinks it and has a long hot bath>

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore Thu 30-Jun-11 13:28:18

Thankyou Purple. I'm on 10mg citalopram but no counselling. Tbh I'm too scared.

Dd is 2. Gorgeous but sooo mischievous smile

My closest friends have dcs a similar age to dd so I feel a bit guilty asking them. I think if I could just get a decent nights sleep it would make the world of difference but that seems impossible at the moment.

purplepidjin Thu 30-Jun-11 13:36:30

Is the citalopram helping or do you think you need to up the dose? If you can get to the gp it might be worth asking.

I'm sure your friends wouldn't mind you asking, as long as you don't put pressure on. A simple "I'm really struggling would you mind taking dd for an afternoon" should be enough for a good friend to offer. Alternatively how about a nursery or cm one morning a week?

Vivid dreams are a common side effect of ad's. I'm 4 weeks off after 18 months on and my sleeping has improved dramatically - ask your dr about different types, if you haven't already. It's not a waste of their time wink

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore Thu 30-Jun-11 14:01:23

I have only been taking it a few weeks so hopefully it should kick in soon.

I've suffered with nightmares for years now due to what happened to me. They just seem to get worse when I'm stressed or anxious. I am due at the gp next week so I'm going to ask about a higher dose or a different ad.

Unfortunately there is no way I could afford a nursery or a childminder at the moment.

madmouse Thu 30-Jun-11 14:27:22

you say you suffer nightmares because of what happened to you. i don't think I know what happened to you (and that is fine I don't need to know) but that does indicate a need to talk things through in counselling.

What are you scared of? If you think you're going to fall apart when you start talking, you won't. It may hurt but if you're honest is it not hurting now?? I had a lot of counselling and therapy for a combination of past and more recent traumas and it has helped so much.

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore Thu 30-Jun-11 14:47:42

Hi Madmouse. I think I do know that I need counselling but everytime I think about it, I convince myself otherwise. I beat myself up about it because I thought I would be ok by now but I'm not (I'm 23, it happened when I was 16-17). I hate the fact that it still controls my life. I am lucky that my bf is supportive but I havnt even told him what really happened.

Yes you are right, I'm terrified of bringing it all back and falling apart.

purplepidjin Thu 30-Jun-11 15:06:37

What madmouse said!

PTSD is any occurence still affecting you after 3 months (I got broken into, for example) so your gp should refer you for something like CBT - what you can access will depend on your area and you will need to be strong when you ask wink

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore Thu 30-Jun-11 21:38:13

I really can't deal with this anymore. I don't know what to do

Fifis25StottieCakes Thu 30-Jun-11 21:45:24

Hi Op, my dd is 2.11

If you have friends with kids the same age is it posible to arrange sleepovers. We do this and it really helps. I have 3 friends and all our dd's are in the same year at school.

We have sleepovers at each others houses and days out. It may be worth asking as you are doing each other a favour to get a break.

Also try some nightol which worked for me if you can take it with your other medication.

You need to get legal visits and have as little contact as possible with your ex.

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