Feel I need to ask for help but terrified

[Madondogs]

i have a post on employment and work, basically did not get a job,that I am already doing... Please read for more details have not energy to re- post.
The thing is my work environment was the one place I feel vaguely human to meet me you would think I am an outgoing confident person with plenty of friends, when reality is this is my public face, inside I am a hollow sad person with few real friends.
Four years ago Dh had an EA with a work colleague, had we not had children I would have left, but stayed because I could not bear to break up the family and they both adore their father. I have forgiven my dh for the EA. But the consequences to me have been huge , my two best friends are no longer in my life because of this and I feel as though I am a lonely bitter person . I adore my children and we have a fantastic relationship, family life is ok, my marriage less so, sex nonexistent . I have contemplated suicide seriously over the last few months, only the love of my children preventing me doing so. My mood is so so low ,with this happening in work seeming the final straw. I really cannot see the point of anything anymore.

[weimy]

You need to go and speak to your dr about this, it wont just go away. It is scary taking the big step to go and speak to someone but it is not as bad as you think it will be.

[Madondogs]

Bump, please.

[shodatin]

Having made decision to stay married, why not get help (Relate or similar) to renegotiate this relationship? It would be worthwhile. Best wishes.

[Chocattack]

Also perhaps individual counselling for you to talk through how you're feeling about yourself. You sound as though you could be depressed and if you think you might need medical assistance then you need to see your gp. Hope you can take the first step.

[ManicPanic]

Yes see your GP. Best thing I ever did. I sat down and wailed at the GP, who did not bat an eyelid, and said that I didn't want to live anymore, I just wanted to die. I got a fantastic response from the emergency mental health team, I am on anti-depressants now and have been having counselling and psychotherapy. I know this sounds very 'all about me' but I wanted to explain that you can ask for help, and it may be the very best thing that you ever do. I am actually experiencing feeling of contentment and happiness now (unthinkable just a few months ago)

Would it help to 'try out' what you might say to your GP? I said 'wahhhh wahhhh' but that seemed to get the point across

[Madondogs]

Went to G.P yesterday. Was completely terrified beforehand, and shaking from head to toe whilst in there. I did cry, which surprised me, as have been unable to cry despite being very very sad all the time. Started me on Citralopram, and was kind and sympathetic . I also contacted Occupational health and wept through a conversation with a lovely nurse, they will fast track an appointment for me and also referred me to staff counselling.

Thank you for kind replies.

[shodatin]

Congratulations on making the appointments with GP and Occupational Health, am so pleased you've arranged to have some help. Good luck.

[gingeroots]

Well done - so glad your GP was helpful .
Keep on trying .