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I'm the mum but unable to cope with dd with mental health problems,dd going off rails and mum got broken back

(6 Posts)
meercatmum Sat 25-Jun-11 09:31:50

Am feeling wretched unable to cope - too much to share with friends - need some moral support as can't stop crying and I need to be strong!
See prev thread re 13yr dd with OCD/aspergers/anorexia just going through CAMHS referral. In last week daughter talking to strangers on chat line for self esteem and posted all on Facebook (school got involved), she then self harmed, then 3 days ago broke down after spending 2.5 hours putting on foundation to cover red mark on nose. Boys at school call her Michael Jackson as she is so thin and pale so she is v unhappy re this. Taken scary step of doing referral and she will not admit there is a problem. V close to my mum who is a strong and great confidant but whist dealing with dd issues last week looking after her for agonising backache - turns out she has 2 fractures in spine so will need to be carefully looked after and morphine up for 8 weeks. Meanwhile 15 yr old ds good academic boy has been caught for truancy and been suspend from school and this will go on his permanent school records - he was going for a scholarship at a 6th form but guess this will now screw it up. Have not as yet told year tutor re issues at home but feel I have now left too late - this all happened on Thursday and Friday -should have got involved last week. Finally dh going to be made redundant in next few weeks.
Feel I am drowning with everything, am not sleeping and also have lots of work to do - I have got to be strong as dh keeps reminding me but can't today
This is a really self pitying thread but even if I get no replies I have got it off my chest and have had to stop crying to type this in which is a start. Am trying to put brave face on for family but not as strong as I should be...

CrapolaDeVille Sat 25-Jun-11 09:38:09

OMG where to start?

I guess you can only worry about the things you can help.

Practically see what you can do about finances and given the fact that you seem to feeling most of the weight get your DH to make plans about how you will live and pay for stuff. Look at mortgage/rent arrangements. National debtline may give you great advice, they are government backed chairty.

You seem to be doing the best by your dd, scary stuff but you're seeking help and getting stuff done. Can she be home schooled?

Have you any siblings that can help with your Mum?

Go into school/college and talk about your DS, people like to help if they can and you may find a sympathetic ear. Don't worry if it's too late, it may well not be.

And allow yourself a bit of 'downtime' from all your worries. Go out for a drink, get a take away, go for a long walk......whatever it is that will help you relax.

And keep talking here, as often as you need. xxx

purepurple Sat 25-Jun-11 09:49:53

Sorry you are going through all this. You sound as if you need someone to talk to.
You don't need to be strong, you know. It's ok to need support for yourself.
I would be inclined to talk to someone at school about your DS and his truanting. They may be able to give him some leeway with the scholarship. It's not too late to ring on Monday and make an appointment. Get DH to go with you, as he needs to show his support.
I know it is a cliche, but try to think positive. Your mum will get better, your DH will get another job, your DS will get his scholarship and your DD will get better with her counselling.
I have been through a hard time with DD, FIL has dementia, and DH has redundancy hanging over his head too. I posted on your previous thread. I have tried really hard not to be overwhelmed by it all and have tried to do something that is just for me. I have started growing veg in the garden and it has helped me to have some time when I don't have to think too much. I have also applied for Uni in September and am really looking forward to it.
I thinkit helps being a realist. I know some problems I just can't fix. I have just learnt to deal with them.
You are going through a really tough time, but life will get better.

CrapolaDeVille Wed 29-Jun-11 14:45:47

OP Are you okay?

meercatmum Fri 01-Jul-11 18:43:34

Hi again
As u are probably not surprised to hear have had a lot on my plate and keeping job under control..since last posting mum went on really sharp decline. Did not know if she was going to pull through but she seems to have turned corner altho I and sisters are providing virtually full time care. How I'll do u need to be to be admitted to hospital! Good news on ds shared what is going on at home frankly with head of year and as long as he keeps nose clean it will not go on his permanent record if references are needed - what a relief and one less thing to worry about. Appointment has come through for dd to have aspergers assessment in September - not sure how I feel about this as find this difficult to deal with.. Any advise on this would be good
Anyway thanks for your practical advise. I am feeling stronger again but very very very tired

NanaNina Fri 01-Jul-11 20:03:25

Hi Meercatmum - I remember your last post about your daughter. You certainly have too much on your plate at the moment, but you will pull through.....will just have to try to rely on your "reserve tank" of energy and motivation at the moment. Very glad to hear about the talk about your som going well, but you will need to talk to him won't you, to see how all of this tension at him is affecting him. I was a bit confused as you mentioned "keeping job under control" - are you working outside of the home as well as caring for your mother. I know what you mean about hospital admission, it seems you have to be half dead to be admitted. I have a friend who is incredibly ill, is half blind, can barely walk (lives alone) and if she gets admitted she is out in a few days with loads of meds.

It seems there is a question mark over your daughter as you mention OCD/aspergers/anorexia - so it's quite a complicated picture. Hope CAMHS can help.

Is there any chance of your DH gettting another job - suppose that's a silly question really isn't it in this day and age. I feel it is very scary for so many people with the economic climate and more and more jobs going to the wall.

Sorry I can't say anything more helpful but glad to hear you are feeling a bit stronger. In the middle of all this, do try to make some time for yourself, as you seem to be the "cement" holding it all together at the moment.

Sending warm wishes - you will get through all this and there will be brighter times ahead. I am in my late 60s and when I look back at some of the really bad times re finance and worries with kids I wonder how we got through but we did - and you will too.

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