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Just want to walk away!

(3 Posts)
badmumworrying Wed 15-Jun-11 16:57:20

Hi hoping someone can help but understand if they cant.

I am married with 3 dc (5 and 2 yo twins) and am a sahm as I cant afford to work due to childcare costs.
I have been finding it hard recently as the twins have hit the terrible 2's and are into everything and because there is 2 of them it only takes seconds for chaos to happen.

I have been shouting way too much lately as I am so frustrated! I know its terrible to shout and I know I am a shit mother for it. Alot of the time I m not directly shouting at the kids its more a case of the wind me up and I go in the kitchen and slam some cupboards and shout out my frustration blush

Last week the next door neighbour (live in a semi) barged his way into the house and started threatening me with ss and saying that the kids will end up on the at risk register and will be taken away.
He said that I am emotionally abusing my children and as he is a vunerable persons officer for the local Lions club he has to speak up about what is going on.
He then said that I was abusing them so badly that I had mentally disturbed my youngest sad he has developed a bad habit of head banging in the night but I wasnt too worried about it as I looked it up and it is apparently very common in boys of his age and they tend to grow out of it.
He has said that because I am shouting at him so much he is disturbed and this is why he is head banging sad

Since then I have done nothing but cry and keep breaking down, I know I am a shit Mum but to be accused of emotional abuse and mentally disturbing my son as killed me sad I have made a very concious effort to not shout and can honestly swear that I havent shouted once in the last week but it also means I am scared of letting the kids make any kind of noise and even stopped playing with them the other day as the eldest was squealing with laughter and I was worried they would think the worst! I also havent been able to let them play in the garden as I am scared that they are watching me and making notes for ss, I have become an emotional wreck and the kids are walking all over me as I am too scared to discipline them in case I get reported and they are taken away sad

Today my Mum picked up my eldest and as she was knocking the door the neighbours pulled up and said a cheery hello to my Mum and asked my eldest how he was, My Mum had a go at them and asked how they had the audacity to speak to her after what they had accused me of and he said he had done nothing wrong and I was abusing my kids and went in the house sad
It has sent me right back into myself and I dont know how I can cope anymore! I am scared seeing them and what might happen and I just wish I could curl up and die so that my kids can be free of me and my abuse sad

I just dont know what to so anymore sad

madmouse Wed 15-Jun-11 17:25:37

I think I saw you posting about this in chat a few days ago?

The Lions are basically a fund raising organisation. They do good work but he's using this and his 'title' as an excuse to hide behind and be a busy body.

It's good that you recognise you are shouting too much. It can't always be helped. Try whispering though - the effect can be truly surprising.

And lots of outdoor time with them, park, playground, anywhere. Less stress in a bigger space, less mess in the house. Is there a childrens centre nearby? Ours does lots of fun and wild activities and play. Gets you out of the house too.

If you feel you need help with parenting skills, I know there are things like 'nurturing parents' courses, usually accessible via social services. Maybe your hv can help. Just tell her that you think you get too stressed too easily and would like some help being a better parent.

But to be quite honest I think being a parent of 2yo twins is hard work!!

NanaNina Wed 15-Jun-11 18:36:47

Hi badmumworrying - firstly you need to change your nickname - you are not a bad mother, just an overtired, exhausted one and who woudn't be with 2 yr old twins. I worked with a bloke once who said he wouldn't wish twins on anyone! Your neighbour had absolutely no right to barge into your house and make these allegations - no right whatsoever. He sounds full of his own importance and Madmouse is right, he is just using this to bully you into thinking he can do some thing about his allegations.

"Bad" mums don't think there is anything wrong with shouting at the children and you do, so there's the difference. i'm glad your mum told him where to get off. I can tell you without any hesitation of doubt that the very last thing social services want is to remove children and this will not happen (I have had a long career in children's services including child proptection) and social services are under a legal duty to ensure that families stay together and that support should be given to struggling families. I can't pretend that you will necesarily get the support because they are very overworked with many LA SSDs trying to run a service on 30-40% vacancy rates.

Good idea to ask your HV if there is any support for you - there is Homestart where mothers come in to help mums who are struggling. Also the thing that Madmouse mentions. So please stop worrying that this busybody next door can actually cause any trouble for you. If he does contact ss they will have to visit but they will see that your children are not at any risk of significant harm. Believe me things have to be very bad before children are on the "at risk" register.

Do you have a DH or DP - if so I think he should go and have a word with your neighbour and tell him he has absolutely no right to barge into your house, making unfounded allegations.

SO get out in that garden and have fun with your children, and stop worrying about the busybody next door.

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