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So this is what happened to me

(33 Posts)
madmouse Mon 13-Jun-11 23:17:03


except the rape wasn't just attempted but real and frequent and I was always on my own.

Other than that it could have been my story.

Sometimes I still tell myself it can't really have been this bad or other teacher would have noticed. But that hope is gone now. It's all horribly real. And I feel awful.

I'm coping, but need to get it out. DH has already had his share of dealing with it as he wisely witheld the news from me until I had a good day. Been to see my friends tonight but they were both shattered and i stuck to light hearted stuff.

Prolesworth Mon 13-Jun-11 23:19:43

Message withdrawn

BillyJoel Mon 13-Jun-11 23:22:14

Bloody hell, madmouse - hope it gets better for you. Wishing you well, and that your DH is kind to you. You can't erase this kind of memory.

madmouse Mon 13-Jun-11 23:23:23

Thanks both - I've had really good therapy and lots of support and most days I'm ok but some things don't get any easier sad

Keziahhopes Mon 13-Jun-11 23:28:48

It is horrible, I know and it doesn't always get easier sad

Hope things ok for you this week,

ThisIsANiceCage Tue 14-Jun-11 00:09:06

(((((hugs))))) sad

Chocattack Tue 14-Jun-11 01:57:06

Saw this reported over the weekend. It's so horrible I almost couldn't believe it. Now you're saying this happened to you. So sorry.

madmouse Tue 14-Jun-11 10:50:47

Just heard he's been jailed indefinitely. A relief but another shock as it hits home how bad this is.

bittersweetvictory Tue 14-Jun-11 11:16:18

Thats awful madmouse sad it must have brought back some horrible memories for you, i often wonder how sickos like this get away with it for so long but they are obviously very good at hiding what kind of person they really are, evil bastards picking on vulnerable kids, should be castrated with a rusty knife ( im volunteering ) i hope they all rot in hell.

iMemoo Tue 14-Jun-11 11:19:48

Im so sorry MM xx

AuntieMonica Tue 14-Jun-11 11:26:31

I cried when i heard this on the news, and again now

i'm so sorry this happened to you and totally understand how memories can jump out and get you when you're happily going about your business.



madmouse Tue 14-Jun-11 13:52:10

Thanks for the hugs and support - it really helps.

kizzie Tue 14-Jun-11 13:58:50

Im so sorry Madmouse.
I have such huge admiration for the way that you have to tackled this x

ThisIsANiceCage Wed 15-Jun-11 17:21:54

Just popping in to offer a brew. Hope you're getting through the week OK.

madmouse Wed 15-Jun-11 18:34:28

Thanks TIANC - that lovely post is finding me in the middle of a bit of a rough time x

cityhobgoblin Wed 15-Jun-11 18:36:28

So very sorry and shocked to hear this , madmouse . I know it's been said already but you are absolutely inspirational and do such good . Hope you're getting loads of support from dh and friends this week .

NanaNina Wed 15-Jun-11 18:47:42

I knew that you had been the victim of child sexual abuse outside of the family madmouse so this teacher must have been up to his abhorent behaviour for many years. It is strange that it has only just come out and I know you suffer from PTSD, but this must have worsened that with the story coming out now. I imagine this is going to make things worse for you. I had thought that the abuse happened in Holland but must be mistaken. Do hope you get plenty of support and stay strong at this difficut time.

madmouse Wed 15-Jun-11 18:58:05

NanaNina this man didn't abuse me, I'm not that young! The facts are shockingly similar that's all. And that has made things really hard this week. I can cope just about with it having happened to me in the 80s, I find it impossibly hard that it still happens today.

My teacher raped me, repeatedly and in a very evil way, and it didn't happen in front of other children, he isolated me. But the rest is all the same.

ThisIsANiceCage Wed 15-Jun-11 19:00:39

Oh crap, sorry it's rough right now. <sloshes gin into brew>

woeisme48 Wed 15-Jun-11 22:35:27

Sorry to hear this madmouse.. what a terrible experience to have had at that age . So sorry this has happened to you .

madmouse Wed 15-Jun-11 22:58:21

haven't had many flashbacks just lots of feeling 'like that' again - small helpless, tense, anxious, worried about being touched & alone.

It ha just made everything more real again.

Anxiety seamlessly latching on to ds's very minor illness didn't help...

woeisme48 Wed 15-Jun-11 23:32:52

This may not be the correct advice but don't read about the news story anymore...I don't see how it can do anything but make you feel bad.
Is ds ok ?

madmouse Wed 15-Jun-11 23:38:01

I do think I needed to read about it because it's broken down a bit more denial and I have received a bit more validation that what happened to me was really bad. But a lot of worry and anxiety has come with it.

DS is fine thank you - just a night of crying and being unsettled and a morning of being a bit warm and grumpy. One of these things. But it meant a night without much sleep (I was used to those once - when the PTSD was raging I never got much sleep) and with lots of anxiety.

superdragonmama Wed 15-Jun-11 23:44:07

So, so sorry to hear about your shocking experience, Madmouse. You are incredibly strong to write about it here. Can't offer anything, wish I could, so utterly shocking that this happened to you ( sorry, inadequately struggling for words here).

Offering a very warm HUUUUG to you, with a lovely big glass of wine for you and [calpol emoticon] for DS

NanaNina Thu 16-Jun-11 00:00:44

Sorry Madmouse - I wasn't thinking straight - I can fully understand how this news story has brought back more painful memories for you. There seem to be mixed feelings for you, as you say, breaking down a bit more denial, but also causing you a lot of worry and anxiety. This kind of abuse in childhood is a life sentence isn't it, to a greater or lesser extent. I had the feeling that your PSTD was under some sort of control, so do hope this story doesn't send it raging again.

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