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Social Worker came round because of me shouting

(10 Posts)
DiamondDoris Fri 10-Jun-11 18:40:56

A social worker just came round because neighbours have reported me shouting. Yes, I do shout and sometimes scream. Background, possibly bipolar but no referral to psychiatrist yet and do suffer from extreme mood swings. Also huge amounts of stress. My DD is diabetic, my DS autistic and I'm still living with soon to be ex in marital home. I'm divorcing him for emotional abuse, he continues to be emotionally controlling and just plain whacky. As I said before I do shout a lot and am not condoning this, but I feel totally overwhelmed by everything and just want to live somewhere quiet and organised with my kids. I'm now scared that DH will try for custody of my children. I'm a good mother, know how to care for my DD's diabetes and my son's autism. I get down to their level and try to understand them. I don't know what else to say, just looking for support.

Hassled Fri 10-Jun-11 18:42:36

What did the SW say? Did she offer any support or point you in the right direction of support?
How long before the ex leaves?

DiamondDoris Fri 10-Jun-11 18:44:46

Hassled - they're coming back on Monday for a longer chat with me, DS and DCs. I'm dreading it, but they assured me they wouldn't take the kids away! I'm the one leaving the marital home (didn't want a fight), maybe 2 months more in this hellhole as I'm buying a flat.

scurryfunge Fri 10-Jun-11 18:46:34

They will support you, Sounds like things are tough at the moment and you could do with some help if you do not have support elsewhere.

Hassled Fri 10-Jun-11 18:46:58

Well I just hope you get the support you need - shouting doesn't work, and you just end up shouting louder - but then you know that. I'm sure when you're in your own place everything will calm down and life will feel less overwhelming.

DiamondDoris Fri 10-Jun-11 18:55:16

Thanks! I hate shouting but feel it's the only thing I can do. Let's see what Monday brings.

bittersweetvictory Fri 10-Jun-11 19:12:40

If someone reported you then SS had a duty to come round, doesnt mean they will take any action unless they think the kids are at risk.
I also have an autistic DS and have had to fight for years to get him a social worker, ( from the disability team ) and she has seen me having many a melt down and in a blind rage at the incompetence of some of the so called experts and understands the pressures of looking after a SN child.
It sounds like your soon to be ex is the cause of most of your problems and i very much doubt that he would have a snowballs chance in hell of getting custody of the kids, especially since he is controlling and abusive and uses this as a weapon, no court would give custody to someone like this.
You are obviously a caring mother and need to look after your health so that you can stand up to your ex, get rid of him and settle down to your own routine.
Are you on any medication or recieve any sort of counselling for your mood swings ? because getting it sorted will help you deal with things a lot better and wont give your ex an excuse to bring up any mental health problems to use against you, best to get your GP on your side.
Having SS involved is not always a bad thing as they can help you access services to help but with a SN child the SS disability team would be better.

DiamondDoris Sat 11-Jun-11 11:33:36

Thanks bittersweet - no medication or counselling, although I could do with both, sometimes I just feel burnt out or suffering from ptsd, I don't know if I do, but it certainly feels like that all the time. My DS regularly poo smears, wees, bites other children, and I spend my time on edge wondering when I'm going to get a phone call from school asking me to collect him. I just know I'll be a better mum when I'm away from DH and more in control to deal with my DS & DD's needs, with hopefully love and patience. My DS is getting a social worker as the school has arranged a CAF (I think that's what it is) which will be great. I also feel I neglect one DC in favour of the other or vice versa, or to put it better, I could focus more on one DC's needs if the other one wasn't SN or disabled - but that's life and it happens. Sorry to babble on.

bittersweetvictory Sat 11-Jun-11 13:42:12

Once you have had the CAF done and got a statement in place you should get more help from the school, im in Scotland and we call it a record of needs instead on a statement but its the same thing, my DS is 18 now but ive been through all the poo smearing etc so know how frustrating it is and the wait for the help to come into place seems like a lifetime,
I always felt guilty that i spent more time with DS than with DD but DD is NT and didnt need me as much, she is now at uni and doing great so i wouldnt beat yourself up about spending more time with one than the other, i wouldnt call it neglect, its just the way it is with an ASD child.
Do you claim DLA for your DS and get a carers allowance ?
A lot of carers suffer from anxiety and depression ( myself included ) but i feel that i can cope a lot better on ADs, you may not need any medication but maybe a visit to your GP would be a good idea just to talk over what is heppening and to get some help to see you through this bad patch untill you get yourself settled in a new place without the ex, your DS could be acting up more as well at the moment if he is picking up on the fact that you are stressed.

DiamondDoris Mon 13-Jun-11 02:08:49

I get DLA for my DD but not my DS yet as he hasn't been formally dxd - they want a grommet insertion and a 6th month wait first - there's no shadow of a doubt in my mind that he is either autistic or has autistic traits. But added to the mix is DH who I think is a narc, who continually gaslights me, questions what I throw in the bin, denies me basic necessities like a wardrobe (I keep my clothes in a cardboard box) and treats me like a housekeeper and nanny to my own DCs. I've often found myself screaming in frustration. He's affected me and my ability to parent, constant fight or flight, on edge, no privacy, standing behind me all the time, living nightmare. Hopefully, Social Services will see the truth and what I've had to put up with for years, and that me and DCs will finally have order, peace and calm in our new flat.

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