I was doing fine. No real depression since I found out I was pregnant with DD. Still loads of anxiety and OCD, but I'd managed to learn to keep my mood more stable. I started to get proactive, went to the doctor for medication and started on paroxetine three months ago. The dose is up to 40mg now and though a vast majority of the anxiety is lessened and I am having less obsessive thoughts, I even had a few weeks of really high mood that made me realise what I've been missing all my life, I'm suddenly finding my mood rock bottom and having suicidal thoughts.
Today I was ironing and lifted the iron to my face without thinking to see how much it would hurt. Didn't do it of course, but the thoughts were horrid. I'm so worried I tried to get an appointment with CMHT, but my file has been closed and I need a GP referral to get back in. I have an appointment for Tuesday morning to do this.
In the meantime, I have my DD's birthday party and then her actual birthday. I have loads to do. I'm finding it difficult because I arranged to have it at my mums, and she is turning out to be my biggest trigger at the moment for anxiety.
I'm trying to keep going, but I'm recognising loads of early warning signs for a depressive episode. Last night I wrote a big long list of all the symptoms I've ever had regards mental health, it was scary putting it all together.
Can you please support me through it so I am not on my own? I have no one to talk to about these problems and I do not want to spoil my DD's special event.
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Mental health
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15 replies
GrownUpNow · 09/06/2011 12:43
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