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Been having a bad week(6 Posts)
I have been struggling with feelings of unworthiness for some time and several weeks ago myself and a colleague left our team (within weeks of each other) to work in new departments within our company. My colleagues bidded me goodbye and I thought nothing of it. Returned from leave to discover my ex colleague was given a card, presents and taken to lunch by my old team.
I admit she has worked for the company longer and has more of a rapport with some team members but it made me feel like shite. I actually went in the ladies and cried. Everyday I fight my unwanted feelings of inadequacy, being on the outside. At school I was virtually invisible (when I was not being bullied that is!) and all these thoughts came flooding back.
Dh told me I do matter and count but sometimes I feel in the way or that if I disappeared nobody would notice.
It is awful, absolutely awful battling with negative thoughts. So tiring.
Sorry you feel unworthy Bumblequeen, I'd like to say just ignore it but I've had similar cliquey experiences at work myself so know how hard that can be. I doubt it was a deliberate slight against you - just as you said she had been there longer and had a closer bond with some of them. The week is nearly halfway through - how about planning something nice to look forward to doing with your DH this weekend?
Don't torture yourself over something that they'll probably not have given a second thought to.
Thank you for your advice.
In the working environment I am jolly and friendly. I only show my true self to colleagues I can trust. I come across as assertive because this is how I protect myself- been faking iy for so many years that it is becoming real.
I was already feeling low and this knocked me down.
I just feel since school (nearly 20 us ago) that,I am pretty much on the outside. Hopefully today will be a better day.
Thank you for your advice.
Hi Bumblequeen how'd your day go today?
Sorry for that Bumblequeen. Can relate about having an outward facade of assertiveness to "cope" which for me means very few people choose to socialise with me, i am not "popular" - but for me if I didn't have this front I probably wouldn't be able to cope in work at all and not have a job. It is hard when people are treated differently - could you do something nice for you, as you do deserve it.
I hope today was a better day and that things go well in your new team.
Second Keziahhopes suggestion - do something nice for yourself - doesn't have to be nothing grand - even a good magazine and treat yourself to that bottle of wine/box of chocs thats just that bit out of your usual price range to make it a treat!
Life really is too short to waste time with people - who if you had met them in other walks of life would you really be bothered about befriending, other than because they work at the same place as you do?
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