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If talking about it doesn't help and keeping it in means it never go away, what are your other options?

(34 Posts)
TheOriginalFAB Tue 07-Jun-11 16:46:22

This is a general question though I do have a couple of things in mind that I need help with.

madmouse Tue 07-Jun-11 17:33:03

Are you sure talking doesn't help? Have you truly talked about it also the real stuff that really hurts, that you are ashamed about, the fact that you think no one will understand and the stuff that makes you think others will run away if you tell them. Because funnily enough those are the things you need to talk about.

TheOriginalFAB Tue 07-Jun-11 17:34:26

My migraine has obviously got to me as I can't understand your post. I know it is me as I am sure you have written it well and is clear.

CrapolaDeVille Tue 07-Jun-11 17:36:20

Hmm...I'm not sure. I think counselling style talking is rubbish for me, I'm too manipulative and understand my own faults too clearly. So I'm going to a no nonsense psychotherapist tomorrow.

I think it depends if your issues are yours alone or require input from someone else.

TheOriginalFAB Tue 07-Jun-11 17:39:36

I just feel like I am my own worst enemy at times.

TheOriginalFAB Tue 07-Jun-11 17:40:35

I am scared to be happy. I fight with myself. I am totally screwed up and don't know how to be me.

CrapolaDeVille Tue 07-Jun-11 18:27:51

Sounds like you need some proper therapy like CBT that give strategies and not mmmmkay type stuff.

CrapolaDeVille Tue 07-Jun-11 18:28:32

I ask people's opinion on everything and have no censorship...at all.

TheOriginalFAB Tue 07-Jun-11 18:38:18

What do you mean by no censorship?

CrapolaDeVille Tue 07-Jun-11 18:42:23

I spill everything, every minute detail of my life.... to anyone that stands still long enough to listen.

TheOriginalFAB Tue 07-Jun-11 19:00:35

I used to be like that as I might not get asked how I was again. No one spoke to me after that once they knew I had depression.

TheArmadillo Tue 07-Jun-11 19:24:36

I found talking about it didn't help - I knew what was wrong but not how to fix it or stop it affecting me. Keeping it in was what led to the breakdown in the first place.

CBT is really helping as it is actually working on changing my behaviours and beliefs. It is hard work though and you have to be prepared to do the work.

TheOriginalFAB Tue 07-Jun-11 19:27:45

I find that things haven't got any easier over the years but talking about it only helps to a certain degree and for not very long. I am determined to get through this.

mollymole Tue 07-Jun-11 19:34:52

can you write it down

TheOriginalFAB Tue 07-Jun-11 19:47:09

One thing that is stupid is that I am scared to be happy. I find it unnerving and I can't just enjoy the moment. I am used to happiness not lasting.

madmouse Tue 07-Jun-11 21:12:49

See FAB I don't find that stupid or hard to understand because I'm better now but I used to be the same. It's too dangerous to be happy as you are on edge waiting for it to stop again. Respect it, respect the way you are - it developed for a reason.

It is just a protection mechanism that your clever mind has devised to help you cope.

You say you don't know how to be yourself but you are you, that's it. Try to accept yourself before you try to change things.

TheOriginalFAB Wed 08-Jun-11 08:16:02

I know I am bright really so why do I do things that hurt me?

CrapolaDeVille Wed 08-Jun-11 10:15:30

FAB....that's why CBT therapy may help. It can help you change your thinking, I've also heard of compassion therapy today, really positive stuff.

I'm going about my temper, first appointment today. I've asked for a non wishy washy therapy because I'm too manipulative and I come out 'impressing' the counsellor but getting nowhere fast. I'm a shit mother too.

I should be cleaning my house right now, it makes everyone happier to live in a tidy house....but I'm not. That is sabotage.

TheOriginalFAB Wed 08-Jun-11 10:23:40

I fight with myself. My head and my heart. My rational and irrational side.

CrapolaDeVille Wed 08-Jun-11 10:47:50

Do you trust your own judgement? Have confidence in your decisions?

TheOriginalFAB Wed 08-Jun-11 11:22:19

I don't know.

CrapolaDeVille Wed 08-Jun-11 11:34:05

Seems like you need a little self esteem Fab.

TheOriginalFAB Wed 08-Jun-11 11:37:26

While mopping the floor I was thinking why I said I didn't know and I act like I have no control over my feelings and my actions and while I know that is stupid, I know why it is the case that I feel like that.

CrapolaDeVille Wed 08-Jun-11 11:49:48

I had an overbearing mother....

Yogagirl17 Wed 08-Jun-11 12:01:05

Can i just take a minute to stand up for all the wishy-washy mmkay type counselling? I'll be totally upfront and say, I am one of them so of course I have a vested interest in convincing people of the benefits of "non-directive" counselling but I do it because i genuinely believe in it. And here's why. Because the truth is, I don't know why you don't want to let yoursel fbe happy or why you fight with yourself. But somewhere, deep down, you do know. My job is to help you figure that out, to help you recognise the stuff that's hard to admit, even to yourself, without censorship or judgement. It is not my job to give you the answers. Personally, although I think CBT can be very good for certain types of problems (mainly anxiety, phobias etc), I think that for the type of things you're describing, an approach that truly trusts you, the client, is more empowering in the long run.

Having said all that, if CBT works for you then by all means do it. Most research shows that at the end of the day, the individual therapist and the relationship between the therapist and the clients makes a hell of a lot more difference than the theoretical approach.

You can find trained, qualified counsellors - from all different approaches - here, just click on Find A Therapist:

www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk

I'm sure you will find a way through this. x

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