Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

If I commit suicide?

(63 Posts)
manicmummyonadietcokebreak Mon 06-Jun-11 18:07:35

If/when I die, I don't think ex will look after them as well as I would like, so can I make it so legally my mother could? And if I leave this in a letter, will the courts take it into consideration? Or as I'm depressed will they say I was mentally unstable?

BooBooGlass Mon 06-Jun-11 18:09:14

If you commit suicide your dc will be without their mummy. So legalities aside, get help for whatever problems you are having, nothing can be so bad that you would do that to your children.

WorzselMummage Mon 06-Jun-11 18:10:20

If you are thinking about suicide sweetheart you need to talk to someone.

The best person to look after your children is you smile

Northernlurker Mon 06-Jun-11 18:12:46

In your situation - and leaving suicide out of it altogether - you need legal advice and a Will. That will carry far more weight with any authority than a letter.
As BooBoo says though what your dcs need above all is you. However fragile and inadequate you may feel, you are still the centre of their world. Please take care of yourself.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf Mon 06-Jun-11 18:13:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

munstersmum Mon 06-Jun-11 18:13:34

You must be feeling dreadful to be thinking of such things. Please go to your GP or CPN or phone Samaritans. There are people who will listen. You want your children brought up a certain way and the best person to do that is you.

When you have sought help for yourself then maybe go to a solicitor.

usualsuspect Mon 06-Jun-11 18:15:12


KristinaM Mon 06-Jun-11 18:17:30

I'm n ot a lawyer and I suspect you need legal advice on this. Does your ex have parental rights? What contact does he have with this children? Is he likely to contest your mother having custody?

You can't just write a letter and sort it all out. It's not like making a will, where you can leave your possessions. If a court was involved they have to decide what's best for the children, not about what you wanted. You will leave your kids and your mother in a total mess.

And what's best for your children is that you stay alive. However crap a mother you think you are because of your depression. Because if you kill yourself your children will NEVER get over it. So get some help

Pleased phone or email the samaritans

CrapolaDeVille Mon 06-Jun-11 18:17:51

Are you okay OP? Where are you...can I help?

Suicide is a dreadful thing to do to your children, death of a parent is catastrophic but the damage of suicide is beyond anything a child could ever get over.

SybilBeddows Mon 06-Jun-11 18:19:16

what Annie said.

you're thinking about your children even in the depths of despair, because you love them. The fact that you love them means you need to force yourself to stick around to be there for them, no matter how hard it is.

Even if you have to take yourself to A&E leaving them with a neighbour the upset of that to them would be absolutely NOTHING compared to the lifelong trauma for them if you kill yourself. They would suffer horribly, please don't do it.

Madlizzy Mon 06-Jun-11 18:20:26

My friend's sister committed suicide 4 years ago, leaving 2 children. Her other sister was the one who found her. The devastation left is terrible. The children are still in therapy and have behavioural problems, the sister who found her is still a wreck and the partner doesn't know how to cope with the kids. Don't do this to your kids, there is always another option.

msrisotto Mon 06-Jun-11 18:21:18

Hey, not only do you have your children to take care of but please try to believe that you won't always feel so awful. Life will get better, it can't be rock bottom forever and you will enjoy life again. Don't give up hope yet xxx

Conflugenglugen Mon 06-Jun-11 18:22:43

- 08457 90 90 90 (UK)
- 1850 60 90 90 (ROI)

A big hug. You're not alone.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf Mon 06-Jun-11 19:56:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meditrina Mon 06-Jun-11 20:02:08

If you don't want to talk, try email:

SpeedyGonzalez Mon 06-Jun-11 20:16:15

Oh, OP! I cannot imagine how awful things must be for you that you would even consider suicide sad.

However bad things may be now, if you end your life things for your children, family and friends will be much, much, MUCH worse without you around. Please seek help. You will need an awful lot of support to see how you can change things for the better, but you CAN!

If you come back to this thread maybe you might want to tell us a bit about what's on your heart.

MadamMemoo Mon 06-Jun-11 20:18:04

Sweetheart please talk to us. I think the majority of us have suicidal thoughts. I think about killing myself every single day and the only reason I don't is because of my kids. How old ate your kids?

Just don't do it. Your children won't understand. They will name themselves or think that you didn't love them enough. They spend their wholes lives filled with guilt and wondering what they could have done to stop you. Their grief will impact on everything they ever do for the rest of their lives. Every relationship they have, even having their own children. They might even end up suffering with depression themselves.

I don't mean to sound hash but I've been where you are. They put me I'm hospital to stop me.

I know you feel so fucking shit and full of hurt that every part of you is in constant pain. But there are people and medication that can help you.

Please talk to us

CrapolaDeVille Mon 06-Jun-11 20:18:58

OP are you still around?

Marne Mon 06-Jun-11 20:23:20

OP, my dh lost his mum to suicide when he was 11 years old, he and his sister were cared for by their dad and grandmother, no one could comare to having their mum in their lives and both of them have grown up with serious issues including depression and eating dissorders, my dh can not trust anyone, he can never be happy because he is scared it will be taken away from him sad, theres not a day that goes past that he is not effected by what his mum did, a child needs their mother.

Please talk to someone and get the help you need, the fact you are worrying about what your children will do without you just proves you have a very good reason to live, your children need you (not their dad or your mum, they need their mum for as long as possible).

manicmummyonadietcokebreak Mon 06-Jun-11 20:47:06

The kids are 11, 4 and 3 mths. Ive tried asking for help, but, no real help is given except pills that are not working and counselling that is too far away for me to get too, I'm scared to leave the house. A life trapped in doors with a mum that won't stop crying can't be healthy for them either. I keep begging my health visitor for help but she says she will, and no help is given. I've started stuttering and slurring my words and the kids get scared as they don't know what's going on. I don't feel brave enough to ask for help anymore. I know it will be hard for the kids, but don't know what the alternative is.

MadamMemoo Mon 06-Jun-11 20:57:05

You need to go back to your GP and tell him what you told us. The pills you're on might not work but there are others that might do. Do you have a partner?

Marne Mon 06-Jun-11 20:59:21

oh mannicmummy, you have 3 lovely children that need their mummy, have you got a friend that you could talk to or could help you to ask for help through your GP or HV? Is it PND or something you have suffered with for a long time?

There is help out there, i know its hard to find it, please phone your GP in the morning (do it for your dc's) and ask to change your medication, you don't need to go into details but tell them 'you need to try something else' also ask if its possible to have counselling over the phone (i have had this when i could not get to the gp's on the days the counseller was there).

stripeywoollenhat Mon 06-Jun-11 21:04:10

ok, you sound like you are in a bad place right now: do you think you can hang on till tomorrow for the gp? because if not, you can go to a and e and ask for help. can you ask your mum to come and help with the children this evening? would it help if your mum was with you? because i am sure if she thought you were feeling so awful, she would want to be there. at least, call the samaritans, or keep talking here.

please, i know things are terrible now, but this is not forever, and your children need you to stay with them.

JetLi Mon 06-Jun-11 21:04:58

Your local SureStart centre will have an outreach worker & family support worker who also should be able to help. You can contact them by telephone.

MadamMemoo Mon 06-Jun-11 21:18:29

Where abouts are you manicmummy?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: