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My sister took an overdose last weekend.

(8 Posts)
DooinMeCleanin Sun 05-Jun-11 02:59:43

If you know me, or her, please do not out me. Infact if you me, you will know if you upset my sister I will see to it that your life is not worth living.

DH if you have logged into my MN again (I will be changing my password, but didn't want to NC, I need advise not troll calls) please for the love of all things holy log out now. This is why I need privacy on the net, she doesn't want anyone to know and you have all the same friends.

Her best friend commited suicide a few weeks ago. My sis has never gotten over this. She is convinced had she went round to see her, she would not have done it sad. I have learnt tonight that the friend called and text my sis a few times asking to meet up, but my sis did not arrange anything in time.

There are also issues with my father. He was a tosser when we were growing up. Not sexually abusive, but verbally and emotionally as well as occasional physical abuse. My sister feels torn, now he is dying as she loves him, but hates him for what he has done.

To add to all of this she was also raped a few years ago. She did not recognise it rape at the time andso did nothing. She was drunk and a man took advantage of her while she was half passed out and too drunk to say no. She now sees it as it is and hates herself for not stopping him or going to the police or 'the boys' about it.

She has a case worker now and counsellor, but so did her friend. I am so scared. I cannot lose my sister and I don't know what to do.

I am sorry if my post makes little sense but I have been trying and failing to post about this all week and now I am slightly tipsy it has all come pouring out.

I need someone to tell me how I can help her.

charlienotcharlotte Sun 05-Jun-11 03:20:06

Talk. She needs to talk it all out of her system. Are you close? Just be there for her. She's clearly in a dark place and may not respond immediately but just keep reaching out, let her know that you're there for her, that there's no pressure but that you are not going anywhere and that when she's ready you can talk. The worst thing right now is for her to feel isolated so make sure you're in contact regularly. Don't leave stressed out messages if you can't get hold of her though, keep messages light and non-serious. Similarly don't laden her with all your concern for her. Shes carrying enough guilt and pain and needs you to be a rock. If you tell her that you couldn't have lived without her, that you love her so much and are so worried about her then she's not seeing you as that rock. Tell her you love her but keep it at that and encourage her to do the talking. and if she doesn't want to talk yet thats ok. Its ok to just sit together without talking. She's dealing with this and just knowing you are there will help. Don't pressure her, just stick with it and slowly but surely she will pull through. When she tells you shes sick of you being around her all the time you know she's through the darkest part and heading toward the sunrise.

bipolarchick Sun 05-Jun-11 03:29:42

As the previous poster said talk, also try and provide very light gentle distraction for her, nothing that will overwhelm like (and this is only an example) a surprise party but maybe a trip out to the coffee shop a walk in the park...Also try and take as much pressure off her as possible, dealing with her post and such like maybe making meals making sure shes eating and stuff....I know that may not be possible when you have your own family.

Dont forget to take care of yourself too, its hard looking after someone and taking care of yourself too

DooinMeCleanin Sun 05-Jun-11 03:37:05

Thank you Charlie. That is what I have been trying to do, but didn't know if it was enough. We haven't talked about the over dose or the reasons behind it, but I have emailed her and told her in rl that I love her and she is welcome to come and stay with me or call me anytime day or night if she needs to.

She still lives at home with my parents.

I don't know if this enough. I obviously don't want to burden her with guilt but I can't stop thinking what if she had fallen asleep and not woke up. What if she had taken a few more pills. What if she didn't seek help in time.

I can't live without my either of my sisters. Yes, we are very close. I class her as my best friend.

charlienotcharlotte Sun 05-Jun-11 04:02:28

But she did. Hold on to that. Life is full of whatifs and focussing on them can make a bad situation a whole lot worse. Hang onto the fact that she did wake up, she did seek help. see it as a constructive thing - now you know how much pain she's in you can do something about it - you can make sure it doesn't happen again. Turn it into a positive and don't let the negative take over. It is enough - family is the most important thing to her right now. Just keep on being there, she knows shes not alone.

stay strong and if you need to unload feel free to message me smile

DooinMeCleanin Sun 05-Jun-11 04:15:00

I have asked if her she wants to start running or jogging with our dogs again. She quite recently accquired a puppy and I know how much she dotes on him, so I thought that might be a way to get through to her.

She is also depressed about her size (despite the fact she is gorgeous) so I have asked if she wants to start coming round and exercising with me, under the guise that I need to loose weight for my holiday.

Her boyfriend knows what is going on as he was visiting last weekenmd and he has offered to take her retail therapy shopping, so hopefuly she knows there are people there who love her.

My eejit Father told the rest of the family what had happened tonight, despite the fact my sister wanted it keeping just between those who already knew, probably just to draw attention to himself angry.

DooinMeCleanin Sun 05-Jun-11 07:10:05

Part of me wishes I could feel angry with her friend for putting my sister through this, but I can't because her friend was such a good and caring person it is impossible to feel anything other than what a waste of life it was. She had also had been effected by suicide, she should have known better, unfortnately she loved others so much she could not see what she was doing to herself.

She gave far too much of herself to helping others she left nothing for herself. I don't want my sister to follow in her path.

I think that is an awfull thing to think considering how utterly selfless her friend was. Anyone would have been proud to know her.

I need to talk to someone in RL about this, I think, but I don't know who. My sister does not want anyone to know. She is in the same group of friends as my DH, so I cannot talk to him incase he inadverntly mentions it to someone else, plus he is greiving for the same friend.

Would my sisters case worker talk to me? If so how do I arrange this without causing my sister to feel guilt for upsetting and/or worrying me?

madmouse Sun 05-Jun-11 08:30:07

You say it happened a few weeks ago - that means it is far too early to get over anything, not even the initial shock, let alone the guilt and grief.

If your sister's friend has tried to make contact close to her death and your sister did not arrange something the guilt of that will take some time to come to terms with.

The most important thing to get into her, ie keep repeating, is that the suicide was her friend's choice and responsibility and never in a million years your sister's responsibility. Her friend texting her doesn't somehow mean that your sister could have avoided the suicide.

None of that helps with the grief about losing a friend. Coming to terms with that will take a lot of time.

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