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anxious over babies birth....scared it could spark off new arguements

(5 Posts)
rachyaimeelou Fri 03-Jun-11 23:06:01

Hi, since october last year iv been citlopram for depression and anxiety problems and also been taking them through my pregnancy(advised by doctor) and i seem to have been doing very well while iv been on them, but lately as the birth of our child grows nearer, my anxiety levels have been creeping up again.

what is bothering me is that im scared that when our child comes it could spark off new arguments between me and my mum, shes the reason why iv been on them in the 1st place, thinking that she can just take over with any thing, including how i raise my children, shes already got her claws into my daughter but i dont want her getting her claws into our son.

Basically the story goes: i became a single parent wen my daughter was just 8 months old, i moved back to my mums, which was temporary, a year later i meet a wonderfull man, who made it clear that i was the girl of his dreams and that he wanted to be a family with my daughter, my mum, who has had 2 kids with 2 different dads and 2 divorces under her belt, makes it clear that she doesnt think that my partner is the right man for me and tries everything to split us up, i decide that my daughter has to come first so after 6 months and a very long chat, me and my partner make the move to move in together, a month later everything goes through and we get the green light.
How ever wen i tell my mum this, she flips, batters me infront of my daughter and i have no choice but to there and then, pack mine n my daughters things and to just get out.

After all that happened, i didnt speak to my mum for 6 months and only started speaking again under the wish of my grandma, who was very ill at the time but part of me still doesnt trust her and is still very warey of her.

i dont no wat to do, im sooo stuck, my partner hates my mum because of what she put me thru since the birth of my daughter, since we have been together and since we bought a house together, my partner already finds it hard because hes not my daughters dad but is as good as, seeing he has been in her life since she was 18 months old and is now 3, my mum is a very manipulative, twisted and bitter person, hence why my partner doesnt like the person that she is.

i just dont want her to get in the way, as awful as that sounds, she needs to realise she is just the grandparent, not the mother, she tried taking over with my daughter and still does, undermining my skills as a parent, making it absolutly frustrating for my self and my partner to be good parents.

She has also started showing her true colours again, which is why iv started to become warey of lettin her in to our sons life, its been a year since i left her house and she has never made an effort to apologise to myself or my partner about her behaviour towards us.

im also very sorry that this has become a long thread but i thought it was better to explain properly rather than just giving out the light details

BlackSwan Sat 04-Jun-11 06:23:50

What will it take before you cut this woman out of your life completely? You are a grown up. You don't need to put up with this. You shouldn't subject your kids to such a toxic personality. If you want to end up with worsening mental issues and a damaged relationship with your partner, then keep letting your mother push you around.

Stand up for yourself and cut her off.

madmouse Sat 04-Jun-11 08:37:51

Do you realise you can stop contact completely? You owe her nothing. Your partner will support you. Stop her damaging your family.

philnteds Sat 04-Jun-11 10:42:18

as harsh as that all sounds i have to agree with the other you really need this person in your life she does sound toxic and have you read the book Toxic Parents? Not all parents are good people/good parents i am afraid. You need to try and take charge and control of your life. You will never be happy while this person tries to control you even if she is your mother.

rachyaimeelou Sat 04-Jun-11 11:32:08

thank you ladies, you are right, i dont need her in my life, me and partner have already agreed that when i finish work, my daughter wont have to see her as much, dd usualy stays over on a weds as i work thursday, dd has a grandad who loves her and dotes on her (my partners dad) and is willing to have her as much as he can, providing he doesnt get called in to work.

i do let my partner call the shots coz he knows how scared i am of her, she still makes me feel like a child even tho i am 25 and its obvious that my dd is the daughter she always wanted, she hasnt even made an effort to want to get involved with my pregnancy, even when i told her we were expecting a boy (which is a big thing for my family as a boy is only ever born every 20 yrs) she made no effort to show how happy she was.

i jus thank god that i do have positive ppl in my life, my partner, his dad and the ppl i work with and that is all i need really.

but the more i think about wat cud happen the more it does bring me down and i dont need it, not since i have come so far on anti depressants xx

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