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How quickly can PND happen?(13 Posts)
Or is this just sleep deprivation and the effects of constant noise?
I was feeling top of the world for the first four months after having my baby. Now I've suddenly become a mess. I feel like I'm having a breakdown.
Every day he's started making this constant noise. I don't know why. He's not in pain. I think he's just realised he can make sounds. But he's easily frustrated too so unless I sit with him the noise gets louder and louder until he suddenly bursts into tears. He's stopped sleeping at night. He was only waking up once or twice and now it's every hour and he screams if I put him in his cot so he has to sleep with me and I can barely doze off with him there because of the awkward position I have to lie in.
Anyway, I've started to feel like I'm going insane. I've been hiding in the next room from him with both of us crying. The noise from him is making me feel ill. Even when he's happy now it's got the point where I just want to put my hands over my ears so I can't hear it. I've begged him to please stop. It's so bad that I've hit my head because I just can't stand it anymore. He won't let me put him down but he doesn't want me to pick him up either.
I don't get any sleep at night and I feel like crying every morning. The house is getting more and more untidy and looking at the mess is making me feel sick.
I can't eat. I don't have time. I get so hungry that I feel like I might pass out but whenever I go in the kitchen the thought of washing a plate and making a sandwich makes me feel so exhausted that I just leave without eating anything.
My husband works late every night and I don't have any family that can help. It's just me on my own every day. And now I don't even want to see anyone. I just want to hide. It's too hard to get an appointment at my doctors. I've called but they're always booked and say call tomorrow morning but I'm too tired to think about it in the mornings.
All this has happened in about ten days. Am I depressed? I just want the noise to stop and to lie down somewhere quiet and dark for a while. I've started to get hysterical over it and get thoughts about ending it all so I can sleep.
Please help someone
Oh you poor thing - this all sounds awful for you.
I am by no means a total expert on this, but I am a lecturer in mental health and have worked in the field for over 10 years.
You DO sound very depressed. It can happen suddenly or over a period of weeks / months. Technically, 14 days duration is the marker for depression to be diagnosed but most docs are flexible on this. You sound exhausted too.
- Can anyone else take the baby for a few hours for you to have some catch up, on a very practical note?
- Does your GP have an appt system in addition to the usual morning app booking? i.e. at my GP I could phone now and ask for an app on Monday, booked, for the afternoon. Maybe you could book it and have a firm date to work towards?
- Do you have a H/V or a weigh in clinic you can attend? HV's are trained to spot postnatal depression and can help (though I appreciate not everyone has easy access to them or a good relationship, I sacked mine after 8 weeks..)
- Bugger the housework for now, YOU and your baby are FAR more important.
- Eating - grab some bananas in, they will keep your energy stroes up and require much less effort than a sandwich. Not eating can impact on your mood becasue your blood sugar drops. Also makes you more tired and headachy.
- The GP / HV will NOT merely throw you on medication, or think you are unable to care for your baby.
You are not alone on here.
Poor you. This could just be a bad patch linked to the sleep deprivation, though I do really think you should get checked out just in case it is PND. Have you tried contacting your HV? (presuming you have one) Mine was a god send during my PND. Can you get a friend or DH to phone GP and say they are very worried about you and that they think you need help but don't feel you can ask for it? If you want to chat PM me, I have been through this and survived to have another Dc with no further PND.
There are a few things you need to do to help yourself. I know this may sound harsh and will probably be difficult for you to do, but they are really important.
You must look after yourself, if you don't you won't be able to look after DS. You MUST make sure you eat and drink regularly as this affects mood. Toast, cereal, fruit and biscuits are easy/quick to grab and run. I used to get DH to make me a pack up on a night ready for the next day so I could eat quickly.
Rest when your DS does, easier said than done I know, but do try.
Use a side-car cot attached to your bed to give you more space whilst still allowing your DS to feel close. I got a cheap cot from IKEA, used just 3 sides and strengthened it underneath. This saved my life!
Go out for a walk every day - this is the hardest of all.
Ignore the house - you and your DS are more important and send anyone who says otherwise to me!
Talk - this is another very difficult one but it really does help. If you can't do this in RL there are plenty of us on here. Please do PM if want to chat. I certainly won't judge. At first I could only open up to people to who had been through PND, luckily I had a HV who told me she had been there when she first assessed me and also a friend.
Things may look bleak now but they WILL get better.
I also lost count of the number of times I left the room to stop myself doing DD harm or phoned my mum to come over "before i do something I'll regret". I remember just wanting to get in the car and get away from everything - I didn't care where, I just needed to be away.
Thanks for your replies. Yes, that's how I feel. Only there's no one I can call. It all feels like one big long never ending day where everything is too heavy and too much effort. I know I need to do something but I just want to hide
The hardest step is admitting to yourself that things aren't quite right and you've done that already. You aren't alone, you have friends to call on right here. we might not be able to help physically, but can offer moral support and ear.
Agree 100% with Tinkerbelle - don't feel you have to suffer in silence.
Thank you so much. I'll write more later. I'm just so tired right now
I agree with the good advice which has been given to you. I felt very much as you describe when my dd was 4/5 months so I do feel for you.
I did have PND as it happens and it was exacerbated by a thyroid problem which is quite common after pregnancy. When you said everything feels 'heavy' it's ringing bells and I'd advise you to get blood tests from the gp as well because a symptom of underactive thyroid is a feeling of being slowed up and leaden. (It's easily treated). Of course this could be a symptom of depression as well, but it's as well to make sure you're also checked out for physical things.
Once diagnosed and treated things got loads better. I hope you can manage to get to a gp and get checked out.
Oh that's really helpful thank you! So I can just ask for a blood test for it? Yes, things have been feeling very heavy and I've been horribly tired since early pregnancy. That would give me something to say to the doctor other than telling him I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm just so scared of sitting there and having that as my opening line.
I am so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone in feeling this way. I have been there and I promise you that you will come out of the other end. Whether it's PND or not, this is a time in your life when you need some help.
There is a lot of support out there for you. Speak to your GP and remember that depression is the most common thing that people present with these days. Don't worry about how you are going to say it. When I finally told my doctor, I took a list of things I wanted to say and read it to him, I was so ashamed of myself. There is no need to be ashamed, you are working so hard under the most phenomenal physical and emotional pressure. Health visitor might be able to help you, too.
You can also try phoning/emailing Family Lives familylives.org.uk/ or The Samaritans www.samaritans.org/ (they are not just there for people who are feeling suicidal and were set up to talk to anyone who feels they don't know where to turn). Just one anonymous ten minute phone call with someone who really knows how to listen could make all the difference for you.
Send me a PM if you want to chat, you are going to come through this and everything is going to be okay.
Yes and I think they also tested for anaemia which is another common thing. I did also have counselling for PND which I found helpful.
As Sindy says there is no shame in it and you should just tell the gp what you've told us. Motherhood can be a terrible shock to the system for some of us - physically and mentally/emotionally - and we need time and support to adjust.
Also, depression isn't 'going crazy' though it feels like it sometimes - with postnatal psychosis, which is very very different, people can and do lose touch with reality and begin having hallucinations or delusions or paranoia, it's a horrid but very treatable and fully recoverable illness - you're not expereincing this for what you're written, you are low in mood and struggling immensely. Using that as your opening line - "I am exhausted, struggling to manage and want to get checked over and treated / supported for my DC's sake' is maybe easier than 'I'm going crazy' - though GP's have heard 'I'm going crazy' a million times before!
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