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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

How often do you think about suicide?

120 replies

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 20:28

And does anyone else find it a really comforting thought? I obsess about drowning atm and when I think about being submerged in the water it feels like it would be so calm and peaceful.

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auntyfash · 01/06/2011 20:47

I find it incredibly frightening and upsetting. My suicidal obsessive thoughts are always to do with the neck area, hanging, guillotines, slashing my throat etc.

Have just gone on to a new med today (bipolar) so hopefully yhese thoughts will go away.

How can you find the thoughts of suicide comforting? Do you have a dx and/or meds?

madmouse · 01/06/2011 20:47

It's not calm and peaceful - it's horrible. Your body will fight your mind and try to survive at all cost. Drowning is a slow horrible stressful way to die. Stop glamourising it Memoo and tell your crisis team tomorrow how often you think about this.

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 20:52

I will tell them, I have spoken to them very openly about the suicidal thoughts. Why do I find them comforting?

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NanaNina · 01/06/2011 20:53

Hi Memoo - yes I think of suicide when depressed (it fluctuates) but when it's bad I too find it a comforting thought, and like you I think of drowning. I swim in a local pool a lot when I am having good days and I am a good swimmer and don't swim with my head out of the water, so when I am under water and breathing out through my nose, I sort of practice what it would be like if I stopped breathing and it's quite scary because when you stop breathing out, it all goes quiet and I think it probably wouldn't take long. When I was at my very worst (in pysch ward last year) I had even chosen the part of the canal I was going in, but then I thought rats might bite me, so decided the sea would be better.

God isn't mental illness the absolute pits - I would prefer cancer or a quick heart attack when I am having a really bad time.

Know you suffer a lot Memoo - I remember seeing your posts on the MH threads. Love from one sufferer to another

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 20:55

Aunty, have depression, anxiety and am being monitored very closely atm. My psychiatrist suspects I have mixed state bi polar. On various meds but they need tweaking

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TheOriginalFAB · 01/06/2011 20:58

I do think about it. Sometimes I think about doing it the way that would scare me the most ie, jumping into the sea when I am terrified of water. Or taking pills but I don't know how many I would need to take.

Memoo , my love, you might think that suicide will solve things for you but it will leave behind a whole lot more problems for your family. Talk to someone.

NanaNina · 01/06/2011 20:59

Madmouse - I usually like your posts, but how do you know that drowning is a slow horrible stressful way to die - no one knows. I don't think Memoo is glamourising it, she is just being honest, as I am in my post. You must know that suicidal thoughts are a major symptom of severe depression Madmouse and I have told the consultant psychiatrist (who still visits me monthly) every time he comes and he just continues to write and makes little comment, other than to maybe increase meds.

As for it being comforting - it isn't that I want to die, it's just I want the awfulness to stop and knowing that I could stop it is sometimes a relief maybe, rather than a comfort.

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 20:59

Thanks Nina, glad you understand. I wish I could make the thoughts go away but on the other hand I like the comfort they bring, it's like knowing in the back of your head there is a get out card if you ever reached that point. How good would it be to just opt out.

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MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 21:03

Fab, I'm not going to do anything about these thoughts at any point in the near future. Have crisis or CPN visiting me every day. Have to promise them I wont harm myself as the threat of hospital is looming over me.

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madmouse · 01/06/2011 21:04

NanaNina don't judge too quickly

I've been suicidal and have been too close for comfort to a jump off a high bridge

Glamourising is the wrong term I'm sorry - I just want memoo to lose the image that it will be calm and pleasant to drown.

How I know what it is like? Basic biology...of which I've done more than a bit at school.

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 21:08

Do you know what's really weird. I don't feel that depressed these past few days. I feel a little manic if anything but the thoughts of suicide are still constant.

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MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 21:09

Mm, I really appreciate your imput, I think I do need reminding that it wouldn't be a nice way to go xx

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auntyfash · 01/06/2011 21:31

Madam, it's very often when the depression lifts slightly that the suicidal thoughts come in. I too have had mixed states, far too much energy, felt totally wired, and yet hugely suicidal too. It's a dangerous state to be in. Take care!

I think I get what you mean now about it being comforting...I thought you meant it was a nice thought rather than it being an end to the depression, and I can relate to that. Still scares me though...

expatinscotland · 01/06/2011 21:34

I used to think of it quite a bit. But on this med haven't so far - fingers crossed.

working9to5 · 01/06/2011 21:36

a lot at the moment, it's the only way away from myself and my shitty shitty life. if I didn't have children I would, but the thought of their dad raising them is even worse than life

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 21:38

Expat, do you mind me asking what meds you are on? I've just had to stop Olanzapine because of hideous side effects and psychiatrist is going to start me on something else in next few days but he's not sure what yet

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expatinscotland · 01/06/2011 21:39

Effexor/venlafaxine, 150mg.

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 21:40

9to5, sorry you're having such a crap time of it. It's good that your kids give you the motivation to keep going, mine do too.

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MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 21:41

Already on 225mg of venlafaxine, wonder if they can up the dose higher than that.

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working9to5 · 01/06/2011 21:43

I don't deserve symapthy

expatinscotland · 01/06/2011 21:43

Hmm. Yeah, you'd have to look into that. For me, it definitely stopped the thoughts of suicide. But I've been there. I know what it's like. ((()))

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 21:47

9to5 why don't you deserve sympathy?

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TeddyMcardle · 01/06/2011 21:47

I used to see myself hanging from every tree I walked past, every room I went into my mind would start looking for good places to hang a rope.
I still get the thoughts but have luckily been able to banish them since ds was born, if they come back again I'll have to go back onto meds.
I was on anti psychotics for a long while. Been feeling lower recently but am working for it.
I too found it comforting, no matter what happened in my life I could think it's ok, I can always hang myself. Gave me comfort but was terrifying at the same time, ds keeps me safe at the moment.
I truly hope you feel better soon and can get rid of these thoughts and find another comfort in their place.

working9to5 · 01/06/2011 21:48

i have another thread. i won't link to it though. too ashamed

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 21:50

I can relate to everything you say teddy! Im glad your doing well atm xx

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