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feeling so lonely

(15 Posts)
kakapo Mon 23-May-11 07:38:34

Is anyone else out there feeling lonely and a sense of aimless-ness, and wants to talk about it?

BellaDesconocida Mon 23-May-11 09:57:13

Kakapo, sorry you're feeling so lonely, I feel like that sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't bother me as I'm not hugely sociable and then Ill suddenly find myself wishing I was. Do you often feel like that?

kakapo Mon 23-May-11 17:09:16

Hi Bella, thanks for answering smile, just that alone has made me feel better!

I haven't really felt like this before, I have been living overseas for about 8 months, which I'm fairly sure is at the heart of it all. The ironic thing is I've always been a bit of a loner and often wished people would leave me alone!

I know what you mean about not being especially sociable, then wishing you were. I guess I just like to know other people are there, doing their thing.

Do you find anything in particular helps when you feel lonely? Do you maybe go out with a friend, or just go and get a good night's sleep? (Nights are the worst for me).

stillstanding Mon 23-May-11 17:14:17

Kakapo, it must be really tough moving overseas as all your usual support networks are removed. I'm not a particularly social person either but there is a difference between knowing that there are people out there who you could call if you felt like it and not having anyone. Not having any options would make me feel pretty lonely. Are there ways for you to make friends in your new community - eg school gate, playgroups, NCT equivalents, church, tennis/other sport clubs, volunteering?

kakapo Mon 23-May-11 18:55:59

Hi stillstanding smile i hadn't thought about volunteering. That's a great idea, I am sure I could get into that through my job, and hopefully helping someone out would also get rid of the aimless feeling. Thanks!

BellaDesconocida Mon 23-May-11 20:30:34

Hi kakapo, if I'm feeling lonely and it lasts I tend o check facebook or here, or contact my sis. Or watch tv or read, but since having dd i can't seem to feel that enthusiastic about either. That's probably not very helpful! I write to my parents each week and that can keep me quite busy.
I'd thought of volunteering but it's not really possible at the moment. Good luck with it!

I absolutely agree with what still standing said, re support networks being removed, must be very difficult. Although I'm sometimes lonely, I'm not really alone, but tend to feel as if I am.

kakapo Mon 23-May-11 22:08:21

Thanks for talking to me, it is definitely helping.

I'm starting to find myself getting anxious over things that shouldn't really be that concerning. For example, it takes me 4-5 goes to leave the house in the morning because I'm worried that the heater/oven etc has been left on. I also worry about my health a lot (no particular reason I should). Although I've always been prone to worrying, it's never been like this. I've wondered if it has increased because before I was living around lots of people, and saw them not worrying about stuff like that, iyswim.

I don't really know if the anxiety is linked to feeling alone. It must be surely...

stillstanding Tue 24-May-11 10:32:17

Oh Kakapo, I really feel for you. I suspect that all that worrying may also be down to the fact that you have more time on your hands to be worrying. I think you need to find purpose in your life and the loneliness will then end. If volunteering is something you think you could do that would be really great - would put you in contact with people and do great good for others. Best of luck!

shodatin Tue 24-May-11 11:08:26

Sorry to hear you're abroad and feeling alone, but I can relate. Nowadays there's Skype for friends and family, is this a possibility?
Otherwise, I don't know how people manage without a hobby or two. I've no time to think about being alone, once I'm involved in something interesting, and it seems a good time to look at something new and just for your own pleasure. Good luck.

kakapo Sun 29-May-11 23:34:10

Just wanted to say thanks again for your support everyone. I've done some of the things you suggested and am feeling MUCH better now. Thanks again, you're all great smile

ThatsNotYours Mon 30-May-11 00:20:42

Hiya. Some great advice on how to overcome feeling lonely.
Also sounds like you might have a touch of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
People often think of obsessive cleaning and alike when you mention OCD but checking things multiple times is another example. For me is was checking doors were locked. 
OCD is apparently considered to have three main parts:
- the thoughts that make you anxious (obsessions),
- the anxiety you feel,
- the things you do to reduce your anxiety (compulsions).
You can get CBT to help you overcome it. To be honest it helped me no end just to realise that it was quite common and not me going bonkers. I have mentioned on other threads that the Royal College of Psychiatrists publish a range of info leaflets. I found the one on OCD really helpful - you are not alone!!! X

kakapo Mon 30-May-11 00:42:51

Hi ThatsNotYours, thank you for that link, it is an interesting read.

I have wondered before if I have mild OCD (if such a thing exists). However, I often leave without repeated checking. And once I have left, I never worry that something may have been left on. It might be time to try out CBT though, since it wouldn't hurt!

feelingafailure Mon 30-May-11 08:23:06

it does exsist ocd.i have a fear when i go out.that i havent locked the door.only because we were burgaled and my dog tried to run after them.ocd is part of not in control' .iit is real.

kakapo Mon 30-May-11 18:36:51

feelingafailure, sorry that was terrible wording. What I meant was if 'mild OCD' exists, not OCD itself. I was unsure if it exists as an all or nothing thing. Although after reading the link by ThatsNotYours, it appears that it can exist on a spectrum. Sorry for the confusion.

Sorry to hear about your burglars as well, that must be a horrible feeling. How are coping with the locking the door situation? I am unsure whether to try and get some CBT (this could be difficult as I'm overseas and not sure how things work here) or try and do some self-help.

shodatin Thu 02-Jun-11 13:13:32

Just an idea - my niece is working abroad and found first few months extremely difficult, until she found a church nearby where she feels comfortable and people have made her welcome. Your feelings are likely to improve with time, so I'd postpone CBT if I were you. All the best.

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