Is this mental (as bloody usual) or physical?

[Butterpiecrimearea]

OK, so I have pretty serious ongoing and varied mental health problems. Blah blah blah. However, these last few days has been new, so I'm wondering if it could be physical somehow - not sure whether I should see my GP or just tell my mental health people.

I'm just so...meh. As soon as the kids are in bed I go to bed myself. I don't feel hungry or thirsty, I have to make myself eat and drink. I keep twitching and shuddering randomly. My memory is rubbish - not sure how many things I'm forgetting, but I know at least that I keep finding half made brews and text message/fb updates that I don't remember doing, and DH has to be in charge of my medication totally because I just don't remember. I seem to look ok to other people though - only DH has remarked on how wiped out I look. All night I have massively vivid dreams and wake up stiff as if I have been lying funny. The poor kids have been sat in front of the TV, apart from when the baby went to the ILs and so I took the big girl to the shop and to vote.

Thing is though, I get depressed, and this doesn't feel like depression - I have happy times, I don't have that sick feeling. Emotionally I fine fine, just so, so exhausted.

If I go to the GP, they will just say it is part of my MH issues, won't they? I have sleeping pills, but only half dose - could it be them? Or mood stabilisers? Or just general being mum to two busy little girls?

[madmouse]

butterpie you posted [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1206696-ok-vote-Tranquilliser-and-go-just-go-dont-go-or-tranquilliser-and-dont-go this] yesterday and never came back to it - I don't think you can say you are emotionally fine. I think you need a good chat with your mental health people.

[Butterpiecrimearea]

i've tried to tell them and they don't seem all that concerned. I think this tiredness might be something separate though - it doesn't fit in with my usual symptoms, and it doesn't seem to "go" with how I am feeling - eg today I've not been very anxious but I feel just as exhausted as a day when I have been on a state of high alert.

Not sure there's much point going to the GP though - they just tend to shrug at me.

[Butterpiecrimearea]

That post you referred to sounds like a different person...

Gah. I need sorting out. I have no idea how though. If I ask for help, they just ask me what I want to happen. Not sure if anything can be done. I kind of feel like I'm losing myself, if that makes sense. Starting to not even be able to act normal most of the time. Maybe it is because I've stopped drinking/going out to clubs - maybe it is kind of like a mini version of that will self book - the quantity theory of insanity - ie if I don't let it out in a big burst, it will start sneaking into normal life?

Anyway, the point being that I am so tired i can't function. I can't sleep without sleeping pills. I can't take one as DH is out at the pub and I need someone in the house as I might not wake if a child cries. I have a million things I shoud be doing, but instead I am just arsing about.

Feel like I need to just give my brain a rinse out and hang up to dry, maybe a bit of febreeze. Soak in bleach? whatever you do to stop things being all fusty and weird.

Anyhow, I'm bumbling along, reading about elections, which are very interesting.

[madmouse]

you sound like your brain is going at 500 mph

[shodatin]

Hello butterpiecrimearea, I was just wondering how you are, as I missed you on the usual thread.
Am sorry things are so difficult, and the mental health people are not being helpful, but it is worth going back to the GP, and let him/her decide about how depressed you are. Also, I think it's actually normal to be tired with a baby, which might be what the nurses mean.
Meanwhile, may I suggest that you keep a diary for the drugs -I do- and for anything else you must remember, and have a trial of Berocca (film-covered not fizzy) tablets, which do have a cheer-up effect.
Hope tomorrow is a bit better. Goodnight now.