How to cope with depression when you have children?

[newnamethistime]

I'm just wondering how others cope. I'm in a bad patch right now even though I'm taking meds. I have 3 small dc (under 7) and I am being a dreadful mother to them - really just want them to leave me alone. Obviously this is not possible so I feel even worse when I realise I'm hiding from them most of the time.
I'm exhausted, unmotivated, fairly often unwashed and am eating badly. I can make food for dc but somehow end up eating pasta and ketchup myself. It's been particularly bad recently as it's been school holidays and I feel like I never get a break.
What do your partners do when this happens to you? I wish mine would be more supportive but I don't know what's reasonable to ask him, I end up feeling selfish and useless.
If you have any words of advice I would be grateful
TIA

[crw1234]

Hello - not posted on this part of MN before - but remember you are prob not being as bad a mum as you think - its the depression telling you this!
I take it you are at home with the kids -
If possible I would suggest that your partner should help you get washed and dressed in morning eg watch the kids so you can - and idealy help with breakfast as mornings for me anyway when depressed are always the worst - then I think help with you getting decent food - eg helping with cooking/shopping
then at weekends - at least one morning for you to have a break from DCs - either he takes them out or you go out
That would be pretty fair even if you weren't ill with three DCs

and i am sure you know this but exercise makes a huge difference - if you can do something with the kids - eg swimming/bike riding - or arrange so you can do something during the week
also if sounds strange but actually my DS was what kept me going when I was depressed - so actually getting down and playing with the kids - even if it feels false can really help
and it maybe that you need different meds - how long have you been taking them - and possibly something like CBT - good books around on it BTW so maybe go back to doctor?

[MittzyTheMinx]

I have been through this but generally tried very hard to at least 'pretend' when I was around the DC's, and told myself that they would remember their childhood, and tried to be a bit more of what I wanted them to remember.

I'd remind myself to give them a cuddle and a squeeze even if I really didn't feel like it.

I have an unused copy of CBT for Dummies if you would like it? FOC, happy to post it on because I know how soul destroying depression is. Just PM me if you think it will help. I can send it to a suitable address if you don't want to give me yours.

As CRW said, you are probably also not as bad as you think you are. Try to be kinder yourself. I can't recommend enough trying to get out of the house in the fresh air as much as possible and maybe around people even if you don't feel up to communicating. Depression loves isolation.

Can you sit and talk to your partner and try to come up with a plan of help that would ease things for you and help him understand how you feel and are trying to find a way forward? even tiny steps forward are progress and enough of them start to make a real change.

Take care, there is a way forward with time x

[newnamethistime]

Thanks crw

I'm in therapy (long term) and its helping but not a quick fix obviously. The weekdays are not too bad as dc have some scheduled activities that I take them too.
I've been on meds for years and they usually work when I take them properly. I've also had one or 2 slightly manic episodes so I'm wary of increasing the dose. My partner has his own issues and tend to get cross when I end up in a heap - usually after weeks of me denying to myself that things are getting worse. He does sometimes take the children out by himself but I feel guilty for 'imposing' them on him. Also my impression (?) is that he feels when he has done something with children that it's immediately my turn to take over and give him a break, so I am wary of asking him to do too much (he would probably deny this). He does help out a lot with the dc in the mornings but gets annoyed if I ask him to do too much as he has to work etc. - i.e. if I want to have a shower in the mornings he (sometimes) gets annoyed and wonders why I don't have one the night before. My eldest dc is a handful, and can be difficult to deal with. I get overwhelmed with all the shouting, so does partner and everything just seems very difficult. He does cook fairly often but shopping is not his strong point.
I just don't know what to ask him to do to help iykwim, as he already feels as though he is doing loads.
I was doing yoga, so will have to start that again.