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Has any had their children taken away because of depression?

(11 Posts)
houmousandcarrotsandwich Mon 04-Apr-11 08:09:41

ok, in brief am currently on Citalopram 40mg as depressed. Started this dose a week ago after seeing GP for meds review, broke down in consult & admitted to thoughts of SH (but not carried out). GP wanted to involve HV for additional support & saw me again on Friday. Had an ok week, no real down episodes, made myself get out of the house etc.

Been a little down over weekend. Met up with some other mums (who don't know about my depression), which made me feel inadequate, rubbish mum etc. Then felt angry most of yesterday about mothers day. Can't understand why I felt angry about it. It just felt pointless, even though I got flowers & card from dh ( on behalf of DS who is too young to do this), so it's not as if I wasn't ackknowledged.

Then last night I SH, for the first time. I felt such a relief. Haven't told anyone, and not noticeable at top of thigh. Dh wouldn't understand & other then GP & HV no one else knows about my depression.

Today I have HV coming out. Surely I need to start 'playing down' how I've been, probably not a good idea to tell her about SH. Really don't want SS getting involved, I just can't have DS taken away. I read in the paper over the weekend how a couple had their twins taken away just over a joking comment the mum had made over what pregnancy had done to her body. I cannot loose my son, I love & adore him with every cell in my body.

So after a bit of a ramble, the question behind my post. Has any had their kids taken away because of depression, SH, etc?

dontrunwithscissors Mon 04-Apr-11 13:18:16

I never saw that story so don't know the full details. However, I suffered PND after both children. The second time around has been terrible. I was admitted to a mother and baby unit as I was so suicidal. I have been very close to suicude, I have self-harmed. (I hope that doesn't come across as an 'I have been worse than you'. I'm just trying to explain the depth of my depression.) I have told all of this to my CPN (community psychiatric nurse), and there has never been any suggestion whatsoever that I could not care for my children. My understanding is that removal of children from parents only happens when the child(ren) are in danger (either from abuse or neglect.) I can understand you being reluctant to get a HV involved. Do you know yours at all? I had the most fantastic HV (who was the one that spotted how bad things were.) She didn't judge me at all, and was just a great help. Obviously, though, some HV's can be right old pain-in-the-arses.

Take care of yourself. Depression is horrible.
Dontrun

bittersweetvictory Mon 04-Apr-11 13:19:43

You wont get your DS taken away humous, if SS does get involved it wont be to take your DS away, it will be to give you some support, SS only remove children as a last resort or if they are in danger which your DS is clearly not and your ADs will take a couple of weeks to kick in ( dont know if you have just started taking or have upped your dose but either way it will take time )
My own DS is 18 now and has autism and i have been involved with SS for years, my DS is under the SS disability team and they have seen me having complete meltdows and there has been no mention at any time about removing DS, they have given me support so dont worry about your DS being taken away because its not going to happen.
Im having a bit of a crisis of my own today but didnt want to read and not reply, im afraid i cant give you any advice on the SH but i do know for sure that SS will not take your DS away just because you are suffering from depression.

dontrunwithscissors Mon 04-Apr-11 13:29:20

On the self-harming, can you try to tell your GP? This is a sign that you are truly unwell and could maybe do with more support. I have only SH twice when I was very depressed. My CPN gave me quite a dressing down that this was not something to get into the habit of. (It was also on my thigh.) She asked me how I would hide the scars? What would I do if I wanted to go swimming with my girls? I felt quite hurt at the time that she hadn't understood, but I'm glad I told her and that she spoke to me that way. I haven't done it again since. I can understand completely why you did it, but in the end I think it can be so destructive. Can you tell your DH? Or perhaps a friend who might understand? It's so much better than bottling it up where it can eat away at you.

NanaNina Mon 04-Apr-11 13:38:33

Can absolutely endorse what bittersweet is saying about the removal of children because the mother is depressed. I am recently retired after 30 years in social services, involved in child protection, fostering and adoption. The story you read (probably in one of the tabloid rags or Daily Mail) about twins being removed because mother made a joke about her body after pregnany is totally and utterly untrue - indeed I would go so far as to say it is utter rubbish, and papers should not be allowed to print such nonsense.

Mothers who have had children removed will often say something stupid like what you read, because they aren't going to say "they were removed because I/We were abusing/neglecting them and they were in danger of significant harm. Social workers are required by law to keep children in their own families wherever it is possible.

Re your depression - I honestly think it would be best if you were honest with all the medics involved in helping you with this horrid illness. You didn't mean your DH doesn't know about your depression do you? Am assuming it is PND and the people helping you need to know what is happening, and PLEASE stop worrying about your child being removed.

houmousandcarrotsandwich Mon 04-Apr-11 17:58:57

Thank you all for replies & re assurance. I am grateful to hear that my situation doesn't mean losing my DS.

NanaNina, you are right about newspaper story (yes it was Daily Mail! My mums I haste to mention!). As I read it a tiny voice was saying there must be more involved (logic), but that was being out weighed by my depressive thoughts.

HV was pretty good, but I didn't tell her about SH. It was a positive conversation, I didn't want to bring things down & didn't feel ready to talk about it in RL. She's back in 2 weeks, to review things.

Yes DH does know about depression, but not SH. The depression has been hard enough, I can't burden him with SH too. Only DH, HV & GP know about depression, as I am so ashamed. I don't know if it is PND, nobody has ever said. DS was 13 months when diagnosed (now 15 months) had been building up for a few months before that. Is that too late for PND?

bittersweetvictory Mon 04-Apr-11 18:55:45

No homous its not too late for PND as you say its been building up for a few months and its certainly nothing to be ashamed about, glad that you have been reassured about SS and hopefully once your ADs kick in you will feel better.

Littlepurpleprincess Mon 04-Apr-11 19:12:20

I really think you need to tell your HV, or someone else you feel comfortable telling, about the self harming.

I don't think it's to late to be post natal but is that relevant? Either way it IS depression.

Don't think you are a burden for asking for help. My mum has suffered from mental illness all my life (I'm 22) and refuses all help and 'plays things down'. Trust me, it's the hiding things and playing them down, and refusing help that causes the burden. If she said "I'm really low, I hurt myself, please help me" I would jump for fucking joy because then I could help her! It's all I want.

Don't be concerned about SS either. They actually want to keep families together you know. They are on your side.

Helenhall1986 Tue 18-Dec-12 22:18:31

Hi everyone this just what happen to me i had my last child in april 2010 and with me having depression, i had good chance i had post natal drepression so i ask if there was support out to help if i get down. Which has lead to my kids go into foster care. But all for the wrong. So i would be very carefull who you talk to

Anonmom00 Sat 16-Jan-16 03:36:58

Helenhall1986 I would like to talk to you. I had my child taken at 6 weeks due to postpartum depression. This was however not solely the ministry it was the babies dad who took her and then contacted the ministry and refused to let me see her. He then took me to court in the middle of their investigation and I was forced to make a deal with him. It is sickening, because I feel deep regret now for sharing my feeling with even close family. I should be able to encourage people to talk about depression and get help, but in my case it only made matters worse. Not only that but I'm not even fully convinced in was ppd but more a circumstantial depression in regards to the dad and the situation. Lack of coping skills for sure, but never any thoughts of harming my baby. I took good care of her but I cried a lot and asked for help. I guess that was my mistake. If anyone needs to reach out please contact me.

jellyjiggles Sat 16-Jan-16 05:15:22

I'm on my second round of PND. Dd 2.5 years old and although I struggled initially my PND didn't really hit till she was 18 months old. I stupidly stopped my meds to early and have had a huge downturn this Christmas. I'm back on meds and trying to get better.

I've also worked with children's social services for years and never known of a child or children being buy into foster care for the soul reason of mum having PND. It has been known when maybe parents with depression end up addicted to drugs/alcohol or don't maintain their house to a safe hygiene standard. Begin to neglect the baby because they put themselves first all day everyday.

My professional and personal experience is good and I've always found support and help from agencies!

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