feel down :(

[Ladyloo]

I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression. I am slightly heavier than I would like to be and am struggling to lose weight. Sometimes I make myself sick (something I have done, on and off, for years).

I went to a v prestigious university and many of my contempories are extremely successful -diplomats, barristers, high ranking journalists etc. I do not feel as successful as them. Am a teacher - don't feel that good at it, just muddle through.

I recently attended a university reunion type event and the popular ones were just as popular and I felt that I was boring and lacked social skills. It brought back how dreadfully unhappy I was at university. My friend, who I was getting a lift home with, decided to leave after we had only been at the event two hours and I had travelled 200 miles to be there. It was such a waste of time :(

I don't like myself very much and feel a massive sense of failure. I am filled with regret for things I should have done.

I am constantly arguing with dh - not at all happy and we have 3 v small dcs. I feel like life is one long hard slog and there is no joy in it. I feel sorry for my children for having a mum like me.

[Ladyloo]

:(

[madmouse]

Sorry ladyloo - read your thread but don't have much mental energy to reply. Have a hug x

[missymousie]

Ladyloo I'm so sorry that you are feeling down.

I went to a prestigious uni (RG not Oxbridge) and most of my colleagues have gone on to be wealthy, respected or well known - or teachers like me.

Teaching is tough at the moment but an incredibly hard job - you obv have the skills to be successful but have looked for other things in your life. It is no good comparing yourself to others (she says not thinking about the facebook friend requests she turned down because she doesn't want successful exes to see current stressful un materially sucessful life).

I know several women who have recently done something inspiring - not boasting about it just doing it - I wish I could but am a bit overworked and underslept right now - but they are running, swimming canoeing charity working normal ladies who started by doing something to get fitter (not slimmer) or for company and have ended up doing something fab.

I'm not being a lot of help but don't think you are a failure - are you depressed? Can you see your GP? Or a counsellor? One thing I know is that you are only a success for yourself - if I ran the marathon I'd be a huge success for myself - if I had been a good girl married a man I met at Uni let his values dictate my life - lived on his money and lived my life the way he wanted me to - I really wouldn't have been.

I haven't run the marathon yet - but I still might!

[waffleanddaub]

Ladyloo, the problem is that measuring yourself against others is nearly always a doom laden process. Think of this, if you were an olympic standard athlete would you count as a failure as an athlete if you came last in the 200m olympic final?

You are comparing yourself to some ( and only some ) of your peers at university. Why not include the other people you went there with? Or people who went to other less prestigious universities? There will be people who might compare themselves unfavourably to you. Surely your peers can't all be high fliers. You also don't know how many of them are happy, content or miserable or bored or coping with difficulties etc.

I am sure if you asked them now or later, your children wouldn't want anyone else to be their mum.
You are their mum and they will love you completely whatever you're like. Sadly even children who are ill-treated by their parents still love them.
Having three children, especially when they are small, is massively tiring even when it's rewarding ( I have three too, so I speak from experience ). It's such a hard job and having to work in a stressful occupation too makes it even more so. You sound exhausted and that, alone, should encourage you to seek help, intially from your GP who can check out your health as well as advise on any Psychological issues.
Take care

[Ladyloo]

thanks for messages.

I guess I feel I would like to do something which makes me feel important/respected, but feel trapped in my life.

Have some tablets from gp - they make me too sleepy.

[IHateBadGrammar]

Why don't you take the tablets at bedtime? You may then wake up feeling more refreshed for the day ahead? That's what I do x