I haven't namechanged because... I don't know how to, and besides I don't think anyone really knows me on here.
My first child was born nearly 6 months ago, and I don't think I'm really over it. I don't think of it often, but when I do, or when i see something like 'one born every minute', it really upsets me and I have to change channel. Idea of doing it again brings me out in a cold sweat. Not even like it was bad - pretty straightforward, 12 hours, natural birth, 2nd degree tear. I just found it awful. I wasn't allowed epidural, as I couldn't keep still with the pain, and I guess I just was shocked how much it really hurt.
So anyway I think that might have affected my bonding with ds. Our first 2 months or so were hellish, he didn't sleep well (or at all, at times), and I was a mess - DP admitted recently he worried about leaving me alone with him. I never wanted to hurt him, just was seriously considering having him adopted, or leaving him with grandparents and running away.
Its better now, but still not great - it only occurred to me today that I see him as a chore, I want to keep him happy and I do miss him when he's not there, but don't feel like I think I should?
I don't think its post natal depression, I don't have problems sleeping (other than when he's keeping me up), and def not lost appetite. I try to get out, made some nice friends at post natal group, dp is wonderful, I just feel... like I'm missing something.
I feel really pathetic writing this. Maybe its all fine and I should just shut up.
Sorry this is so long.
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Mental health
Is there anything wrong with me? Is this normal?
14 replies
Pootles2010 · 21/01/2011 20:34
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