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Anxiety after termination

(3 Posts)
Dammyoucomfortzone Thu 06-Jan-11 20:12:08

I had a termination of a planned pregnancy due to the baby having disabilities. The consultant said there was a strong chance I would naturally miscarry . I also have enduring mental health issues and have been hospitalised more than once. I had a breakdown the following year around the anniversary of the termination.

It has been hard over the last four years I have improved but still suffer from anxiety and depression. I have been discharged from my community mental health team a few months ago but still have a helpline I can call. My DH was not that supportive and he really hates weakness in people so I have just kept things from him and seek solace with my sisters and a couple of lovely friends. It has been apparent that I am still quite fragile and my comfort zones are quite small especially at the time of the anniversary. I can manage going to work, food shopping and doing the school run. I am also fine visiting friends and relatives, known environments really. DH wants me to go away this weekend to a social do where I won't know people. I just don't feel up to it, I am fine with him going, he can even stay overnight if he wants to. The thought of this has given me two sleepless nights and and lots of tears. I have come to realise he is never going to have much empathy but I wish he would at least believe me when I say I can't manage some things. I offered to compromise and go for part of the day but he just got annoyed with me. The anniversary of the termination was this week.

I am at a bit of a loss really, our relationship has really suffered because of my issues following the termination. He just wants old me back, I want old me back, but so far it has just not happened.

Lotster Fri 07-Jan-11 18:50:59


CrawlingInMySkin Fri 07-Jan-11 21:26:39

Hi I had a forced termination at 15 because of being abused and my mum thought it was for the best. I know it is different to your reasons but we both had the trauma of feeling we had no choice in our termination.

I am 8 years on now and like you for a while it really weighed on my mind (understatement) now although I still think about it the issue is not as big as it once was.

Having a termination can be a awful trauma and I am sorry you went through this, I can totally understand why you still feel depressed and anxious. It must be hard with your DH I am sorry he is so unsupportive. I dont really know what advice to offer only that you are perfectly justified to feel upset and anxious and I think your DH is being unsupportive has he always been this unsupportive as this? do you take any medication to help with the depression and anxiety?

The way my mum (who apart from forcing termination is supportive) explained it to me is if you break a leg you have to take it easy and try not to walk on it till it is healed and if you hurt your mind it is the same you have to let it rest and recover. You will get more like your old self but you have to give your injury time to heal. HTH

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