I've had depression for many years but only sought medical advice after I had dd2.
I've been on and off citalopram for the past 2 years.
Last year (Autumn time) I was feeling amazing, really happy, very close to DH and being a good mum to DDs...so I thought I could come off the tablets. (I'm a bit stupid, I came off them without seeing doc).
Just before Christmas I started to go down again, and now I feel I'm hitting rock bottom again. I almost feel like I'm in a bit of a trance, like a zombie, I feel terrible but at the same time like I don't feel anything (Sorry, it's hard to explain). I'm not a self-harmer but I do sometimes cut myself, I did it today just to feel something but DH saw and was really upset with me. (I'm not talking about massive cuts or anything, more like little scratches really).
I feel disconnected from my poor DH, I just don't feel that love or closeness we usually have. I feel as if I can't do anything and would stay in bed all day given the chance. I come on here a lot to try and distract myself, but when I switch off the laptop it all comes flooding back.
I had counselling last year which I thought had really helped, but now I wonder if I didn't have it for long enough. I was offered CBT but couldn't make it to the sessions (v far away from home, I don't drive and have DD1 to take to and from school).
I'm just not sure what to do next. I think I really need to be back on the citalopram, and I've got a month's worth in the house so I could just start taking them- but then I worry that how I feel on the tablets isn't 'real' and I'm fooling myself that I'm happy on them.
Sorry about the long rambling post I don't even know what I'm asking really! I guess it's a what would you do? And will I ever be better? Thanks if you made it to the end.
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Mental health
Really struggling with depression and don't know what to do.
10 replies
PhishFoodAddiction · 06/01/2011 17:06
OP posts:
itsonlyajob ·
06/01/2011 20:57
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