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I feel like I'm on the edge. Should I ask my GP to put me on anti-Ds

(7 Posts)
BambinoBoo Sun 02-Jan-11 15:52:28

I have suffered with anxiety since DS was born 2 years ago. Much of it was post-natal but I have always been a nervous worrisome person - although the feelings felt "real" after DS - like every day or situation could be life or death. Last year DS started having wheezing episodes and since then I have been petrified that he'll die. I have dreams that he is in danger and I can't get to him - funnily enough, they don't involve his asthma symptoms, but are things like drowning and that DH took him out and lost him blush. I also think that I might die and not see him grow up.

I did have some phone-counselling last year as I wanted to try that before I tried tablets, and whilst it worked for a while, all the old feelings are coming back. DH was also made redundant last year, which was a big strain, particularly as he's not found a job yet and although he is a brilliant dad, he barely does anything around the house despite DS being at nursery 3 days per week. I know that he must be down about not working and feel really selfish when I get pissed off with him. I work full time and he has a whole 3 days on his own yet only does the odd bit of washing and hoovering. The last time I had a whole day to myself was during my maternity leave. I feel like he's taking the piss at times, although he said he isn't and that he'll improve in the new year.

We recently also moved house and then found out that someone had got into our old house (which is still on the market), got our post and used our names to open accounts. DH "forgot" to redirect our post. I feel so tired and angry and resentful. The main reason for us moving in the first place was to start a new life away from his interfering family who lived locally (his mother and sister had basically belittled and bullied me since having DS and DH didn't do a thing to stop it until it was far too late - but that's another story)

I just feel like I have to do everything or it doesn't get done and I have so much in my head that I can't keep my anxious feelings in check anymore; sometimes I lie awake at night for hours convinced that I am having a heart attack. I feel like I'm going mad.

I've just read this back and it sounds so rambling. Thank you if you've read this.

rinabean Sun 02-Jan-11 15:57:49

After reading your post, I get the impression that your problem is perhaps not so much to do with your mental health as your circumstances. Your husband is the one with the problem, not you. I think you need marriage counselling, not meds, unless your husband sticks to his promise of improving his behaviour.

BambinoBoo Sun 02-Jan-11 16:06:53

rinabean thank you. Yes, marriage counselling crossed my mind when he wouldn't deal with his family. The witches called me a cruel woman for putting DS in nursery and he didn't do a thing. If that was my mum, she'd have been out of the door. I digress.

I doubt that it will help with the anxiety. When I found about the ID theft, I went mad at DH and asked him what he did all day. He just said "I don't know, I'm rubbish". That's made me feel really sad and I don't want to keep going on at him.

I wish I knew the root cause of all this: anxiety, depression or the fact that I feel like the only person responsible for everything all of the time - control issues perhaps

Thanks again though smile.

nurseblade Sun 02-Jan-11 16:09:52

maybe your DH is depressed too?

BambinoBoo Sun 02-Jan-11 16:16:21

nurseblade I have thought of that too which is why I try not to go on at him too much. He said he sometimes feels down about not having found a job yet - another reason why we moved is to give him more scope in which to find one.

One part of me thinks that I should go easy on him for those reasons, yet another part thinks, FFS, if you are at home and not working yet, get off your arse and take on the role of running the house. I have to say though, he has always been lazy when it came to housework and doesn't see it as that important, whereas I do, particularly as DS could be asthmatic.

madmouse Sun 02-Jan-11 16:20:45

My dh would say 'I don't know, I'm rubbish' too. I hate it - not only does it show him at his most depressed and lowest self-esteem it also makes it impossible to have a go at him explaining how tough things are for you.

'Honey I really need you to help me in the house I'm so tired' - 'I know I'm a crap father and husband'

Makes things really hard.

So yes it sounds like dh is depressed, whether you are I can't really tell from your post - you sound mostly fed up, unsupported and alone.

BambinoBoo Sun 02-Jan-11 16:27:19

Thank you madmouse you are right on all counts.

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